The biggest addiction of an girl that seems to be happy or look like but behind her face theres the other life of tought about Suicide, Self-harm, cutting being hated for a life. Being Worthless alone and depressed.

Hello Readers

For a couple while i wrote a blog about Sucide and self harm and got a lot of messages here, and in the last time i heard a lot abou suicide and self harm in the televison so i thought i write here a second one about an addiction of Slef-harm and suicide thoughts.

I have also these addiction of self-harm, more then these thought about suicide but theres also in my and maybe always will. For me people who never had something like this or never done this couldnt understand it what WE going through, what we feel while the blood start running down of our arms/ legs or wherever you cut yourself.

For me personally in this moment it feels good to feel yourself just for a couple seconds, to feel the pain and start to forget all this shit in the life for some minutes, i was just there in this moment, the only thing in my mind was how good this all felt at the time.

It gave so many diffrent reasons to start Self-Harm, some of the reasons could be

– Bullying, stressed, being alone, depressed, confused about yourself and many more .. –

It also gave some levels of self-harm theres these people who cut themself just a little bit and maybe just all couple weeks and then theres people who cut themself pretty often a day and mostly everyday. You should judge someone when he start cutting everyone has his own problems why he start, dont look away, help this person that that is something what these person really need.

And also people who Self-harm doesnt do it always at their wrist where everyone can see it, some poepl like me do it on a complete diffrent place cause we dont want that anyone knows about this we wanna hide our problems, hide that we are week and destroyed in the soul .

In the last days there was these story from Amanda Todd in the tv the girl who did Suicide and did self-harm and all this. I heard that people start writing she wasn deserve to life and some aother really bad stuff. I cant understand why people start saying shit like this cause exactly this bring girls in this circel of suicide and self-self, everyone is it worth it to live.

-Seriously everyone is it worth it to breathe to live and to being loved –

It makes me really mad to here stuff like this, they dont know what happend in a girl / boy mind hen someone start saying things like this to someone whos weak and self-harm then words like

– Slut, fag, bitch ,fat, ugly, whore, –

All these word bring someone to start self- harming, and these word are not that soon away from your mind there still years after this in your mind you start believing this, all this your ugly, fat … and this bring someone to this addiction of self-harm.

When these people doest stop to saying words like this and do it again and again a girl/boy start thinking sometimes about suicide how he could do this and all this. YOu get these thought sooner as you can believe, trust me i had them too a couple times and i almost did it. But some really important people stopped me to do it, people who i love and trust.

No one shoud believe people who saying words like this, in the soceity of 2012 its really hard to grow up to an healthy teenager/woman. The bullying in school is horrible, the suicde rates are horrible and the self-harm rate getting higher and higher. The kids start to forget how they actually do with saying these words. For them its just a word tat they say maybe a joke or just to be cool. But its not.

Its more then this, they all see this on Tv and think they are cool while there saying it but how are they feel when they would know the he killed someone with this words this person who gets bullied start self-harm and weeks/month/years after this this person saw just one way the Suicide. Whats then. ?

The Teenager rate of happy girls sink in the last years really fast cause in school theres these cool people, cheerleader, Blonde girls and then theres the Loser. But why start people bullying just about the fact one person doesnt look like the other , listen to other music, has some other interest ?

I still cant understand this i dont know why, we are all human, normal people who are on the Journey of life and want to see so much new things ..

We all just want to be loved, happy , and wanna enjoy our life is this to much that we all want ?

x Sarah



.. I wanna introduce you a amazing Band called Sons of Midnight

Hey Readers,

as some of you might know, I Wrote  at the beginning of the month a Little Blog about These Boys. Its Hard for a Band in this Society to live your Own Dream.

I mean when you Look at the Music Charts you just See People like One Direction, Justin bieber, or other Teenie People or Dance stuff like the New gangman or David guetta.

To get biggest in the Music industry seems really Hard for an. Band where the Music style is a Little Bit different, but defently postiv!

They all Play their Instrument by themself also Write their Own Songs. Last Year they was on a Short Tour with Simple plan and avril lavigne, and this Year theres a Lot of more Shows. For me Personals These Band Means more to me as some People really Understands , sure in the Last They gaves a Lot of Bad Times but this is something i Need to Talk to them when their back.

The Music of These Boys is really a Mix of Pop and Rock with some really emotional Ballades, Bit they also habe their Own Music Note in it i Cant really Describe it but is true and they are love so amazing….

This Year the 1 Album Came Out and it was amazing the Albums also called sons of midnight 😉 it has some mixes from pop to rock to ballades ^^. It defently something you can to all Day and all Night :-).

In febuary the first single came our from the record and now the 2 single is here Stand up for love .. the boys really love their fans and has always some min to take some pictures or gave some autographs, they love to get in touch with their fans and talk a little bit 🙂

please gave a New Band a Chance to love their Dream and help them to create it … be a Part of the Journey of sons of midnight .

When you wanna know more about them here some links 🙂 ..

Official Facebook

then my Fanpage for the Boys!/pages/Sons-of-Midnight-Fanpage/150991504996733

The official Twitter

Official youtube channel


xxxx and dont forget to give the Facebook Pages a Thumbs up 👍👍 i like 🙂


How much does it kills YOU when you see how sad your friends are and doesnt see an end of all this ?

Hey Readers ….

How hard is it to see how people that you truly love and care getting upset and sad. For me its not that easy to read all these messages to see how broke they are, to see that they need someone really to talk to, or just to hug you, just someone who understands them ???

And i cant be there, i live so far away and the only thing i can do is to write and talk via social streams, but this is not enough i wish i could pack my back jump into the “car” or train or plane just to get to her to grab her and hug her and dont let her go so soon, it makes me so sad to see all this how much they al break slighlty, i kinda know what they feel and how does it feels to break like this everysingle time …

Its like a knife everytime again in the hear, and it doesnt stop to hurt, i feel this pretty often, and i understand them a little bit about what they going trough right know, i wish i could do something could help them in one way, but it doesnt look like i could help them …

The World shows some people always just the Paradies and people like me and my friends just see the fucking hell on earth we need to fight for evething what we have in our life, everytime we wake up its a new fight day by day, its not fair not at all. Why we cant get sometimes also the chance to see the little Paradies in the world ?

– What doesnt kill you makes you stronger ???? –

I dont really believe in this cause a person can stand just a max of pain, hate or anything else in the live and someday the max is full. You are at an end, you start thinking if this all worth it ? All this pain just for this ? But to come to this its a long painfull way .. I wish i could wish my friends some Paradies in their lifes, just some sunshine or something what could help them cause i want that they feel all better, the shit should leave and the sun should come, but for us fighters in the live, its not that easy ..

Everything Happens for a Reason ?

I dont need anymore sunshine in m life i give up to believe in something good or that this fight someday ends. For what ? It doesnt make sense i fight now 23 years of my live why should it ends now, the fight against the thought from suicide and the thought about self – harm never stops, so i try to live with this but please send these sunshine to my friends cause without them make my live no sense anymore, without them i dont want anymore. They deserve much more as all this pain in them, they deserve so much love, and sunshine …

Everysingle one of my firends has from me a heart piece, cause they mean so much to me, its maybe weird to know people not that long but you know you can trust them and they know about what youve been going through and also do at the moment, for all this im so thankfull and wish i could help them in any ways 😦 .

Just a little piece of Paradies, make it that the pain stops and that the scars start to heal that is all what i want, just this little wish …..

x Sarah


Im back in my world where i belong to, where im happy and all this i just need to thank the same person who saved my life.

Hello Readers,

As you already read in my old blogs, you read that i was scared to loose the connection and the love to my band Sons of Midnight, it was hard for me to realise some thing, it was really like i would die in my body,my heart would break, everything hurts, too look at the pictures, to hear the music everything ..  so i decied to stop all this, i put everything away, it was hard for me really hard. but it was something that i need to do ..

I start to forget some thing start to forget how the lyrics was maybe just a protecting reaction of myself i dont know, it was weird my girls still talking about them and i was like yeah great whats next ?

A litte piece of me was still miss them but it was really little an i was scared that i maybe loose them forever cause it was not like how it was for month it was just a memorie 😦 .

But in the last days i decided to put the pictures all back on my wall, i dont wanna give up i dont want to loose some important people in my life, i cant give up like a weak person i must fight against myself, fight against all the bad in me whats telling me its not good anymore to be a part, and then happends this what ive never expected, they postet the news of their 2 Single and i start to feel happy a little smile was back on my face, cause it was my fave song, MY FAVE SONG !!

Its started to feel happy, then the Sons of Midnight account replied to something what i wrote i was really shocked at this momentan they wrote

– two hands Sarah and Sophie you guys are the sweetest!

This saved everything this gave me a reason back to believe back to thought about a future with them sounds weird but this is the truth. I was not really happy the last weeks an this gave me my smile back. first i was confused but know im just happy 🙂

And then later i didnt wrote him but he wrote me something and i was like frozen as i saw that he wrote me, and then the tears start to roll my face down, but it was happy tears

– stand up for love , hope your still pumping it #keeprockingirl Xo much love –

Conrad seriously this gave me all my hope back, everything that ive lost in the last weeks it was back i dont know how much i can thank you for this you know you are a really important person for me cause you know what happend in the past with me an helped me out of this, it was hard to hold this promise that ive gaved to you, honestly i thought about it to break it cause there was so many things in me that i wouldnt believe cause it hurts to bad … but i promised it so i stayed strong for you … and hold it i just break it a little bit cause ” Self-Harm” but it doesnt matter …

Im so thankful for this message, I really miss all of you Mitch ,Peter, Maui, Matt and you, its hard to miss the other piece of my own heart, and to not know when you boys come back makes it not even better, but i still hope you come back cause all 6 Midnight Madams miss you boys terrible it really hurts …. i cryed a lot just in cased to miss you.

So dont stay too long away, we miss you all and cant wait to get you all back in our arms for some of the best hugs in the world

I Love you Boys

xx Sarah


What is your life worth it, to still fight or just keep your head up and try to see you life as possible as you can ? It is !!!

Hello Readers,

This day i already got that idea to write about something, what is probertly in some heads of yours alsways these question, people who just need to fight in their lifes knows maybe about what im talking here.

Well the last past years i had these question pretty often in my head, and in the last days also, for people who dont know how hard a life can be they maybe dont understand this here, but for me i always need to fight in my life and i dont think that this will never stops, kinda unfair, cause some people dont need to do anything and get everything what they want. We others need to fight for everything..

– like in the job, in the personal life in the love everywhere –

Well as some of you maybe read i thought about suicide in the past for about 2 month and i almost did it, a person can be strong but someday you re not see any sense anymore to fight against anything you are done with everything and wanna go just out of this circle out of the problems just away. But i had 2 girls who helps me in this situation ther wrote at this time where i almost try it to suicide. Now im glad that i had these 2 in the situation, and also a guy helps me through all this i need to gave him a promise.

But in the last weeks it changes something and now its pretty hard to hold that promise 100%, cause i did things that avtually broke this promise when im honest, cause i doesnt see any other way to get out to make it a little bit easier all this … when the thoughts are back , that your not worth it to live .. not worth it to breathe.

When you had these thoughts one time you probertly diesnt get them out, i have it once a week maybe twice, cause theres moments where you start thinking about things and see how poor your life actually is and that it diesnt make sense anymore..

– When the life doesnt make sense anymore, to fight .. should you give up –

Well ims till trying to say me everday that im not should give up and should still fight against all this what comes its hard and always will be hard but wasnt kill you makes you stronger right ? Well sounds cheesy … But no one on earth should try to suicide, life can be such a bitch i know this but it gave everytime reasons to life

– Reasons to fight for ( Family, Friends, a Band or anything else )

YOU, dont give up keep your head up, its hard but we you always need to fight knows how to preciate some things we see the world so diffrent but we know how good it feels when you fight for something that you every wanted. People who dont need to fight doesnt know it how to feel this ..

Every single life is it worth it to live and you are worth it to breathe an be on this planet. When you need help ask your family or friends or just talk to a stranger i mean a professional its not bad to search for help and this doesnt mean that you are weak or anything else it means to fight for something. So i dont give up so you also dot give up.. together we can reach a lot in the live .

Xx Sarah


My Favorit Band(s), i truly love them, i grown up with them Part 2

hello Reader,

here now im talking about a Band that i know since 1999 yes i was just 10 maybe 11 years old and i saw them on the tv and listen to first song of them and my Borther came in and asked me what the hell is that and i said its Linkin Park.

Yes here im Talking about a Band called Linkin park, sadly ive never had the chance to saw them live :/ the Tickets are so fast always sold out. But i still hope that someday i get the chance to see them live.

The First song was One Step Closer and for a 10/11 year old little girl probetly not the best music to listen to, i loved this song, its was something completly else was i was normally listen to too and all my “friends” asked me why im listen to them, i cant describe really why im listen to them, its like i was somewhere else when im listen to them.

I cannot take this anymore, i’m saying everything I’ve said before, all these words they
make no sense, i find bliss in ignorance, less I hear the less you’ll say, but you’ll find that out anyway, just like before –


I bought they first album Hybrid Theory and it gave some songs i start listen on repeat like, Papercut, Crawling, a place for my head forgotten and In the end.

The Music was a mix of Rock and some dj mixes from Hahn,it was really something complete else but i loved it and i showed my “friends” the music from them but they couldnt understand why i listen to them and why im so fascinated about them they said this is not music. Well i didnt stopped listen to them and it was good to listen to them when i was sad or angry.

In 2000 my Parents go to a lawyer for the divorce and at this time a really start to listen to them pretty often they helped me a little bit to get over all this, i could move into my own world away from the problems. Im so thankful for Linkin Park,

But unfortently sure they brought some more albums out now but after A Thousand suns ins not the typical Linkin Park sound anymore and the new Record Living things i didnt listen to any of the songs i dont know it sounds so weird so much technical music so i cant really describe and i dont know what happend with Linkin Park …

I Hope they know that this music is not the best music in my view, i hope the get back to the old sound of Linkin park this would be brilliant i really ove the old sound.


Did you ever saw Linkin park live or do you like the new Linkin Park record ?



Its nor even funny anymor, Bullying ist the most horrible thing that you can do to others, seriously think about that what you are saying !!!!

Hello Readers,

Im kinda shocked about the story from Amanda Todd, im really shocked when you wanna know what exactly happend heres the story

– She went in a chat room with her friends a few years ago to meet new people. They compliment her, then they asked her to flash. so she did. About a year later somebody messaged her telling her that if she didnt give him a1 on 1 show that he would send her boobs out to all of her friendsfamily ect. A fw weeks went by and it was christmas break, 4am the cops were knocking at the door. Her boobs were sent to everyon- she was depressed and her anxiety was off the charts. She lost every friend. So she moved diffrent school new beginning. Not too long after he found her and sent her boobs out again.

She got into drugs and alcohol, Started self-harm. She became so depressed she didnt go out, so she moved with her mom on a completly new place she started to talk to an old guy friend that was now leading her on saying he liked he. he had a girlfriend. he invited her over. She went they hooked up. She later got a text saying leave your school now. she ignored it. Everyone surrounded her. Two girls came up to her telling her to look around and nobody likes her. A boy screamed out, ust hit her already. They threw her to the groundand hit her several times. She ran to a ditch and her dad found herlater, When she went hom eshe chugged bleach attempting suicide, She was rushed to the hospital and they flushed

her system. She gets homeans sees posts all over facebook telling her to drink bleach again saying nobody likes her and telling here to die. She cried every night, Everyone hated her because of on mistake. One little Mistake She started cutting again. She attempted suicide and failed.

On October 10th. 2012 Amanda Todd killed herself because of bullys one mistake she made, made her life to hell , She hung herself after attempting suicide multiple time.

That is the story about the Sucide of Amanda and first of all before i start saying what i think i wish the Family just the best and alot of power to get through this bad times now.

So. I feel kinda ashamed to be a human right know a human who live in a world who get people like amanda bully just because one stupid mistake seriousy im sure all these poeple who are a part of this should better think about that what they did and im sure they also did mistakes in their lives. For all people who destroy Amanda you should be ashamed about your behaivor.

Every Single one of you killed her with every thing what you did you are all the reason why shes not here anymore. Im getting sick about that fact that people start bullying to people. cause i know how it feels like to get bully, its such a hard thing to get over every single word burns in your brain your hear it all day these words that people call you.

I dont know what goes in the head of these people, seriously you all killed a wonderfull and beautiful girl, i didnt know her but to heard these story makes me sad. Really Sad these bullying should stop in every single country every single person is it worth it to live and to get love.

It doesnt care how do you look or act or whatevery it doesnt care really, for me its hard it respect myself how i look like and all this but i say since a couple days to myself you are worth it to life, to get loved and everything

Tell this to yourself cause you are worth it dont liste to these people u are amazing.

xxx Sarah


When your Favorit Band(s) break, and you loose the reason why you still breathe ?

Hello Readers,

This here is now something im actually really scared about cause it could happend each day, in every single minute it could be post by the Band Page or somewhere else.

Well today i read the message that the Livingston Drummer leave his band to go his own way, sure im happy that he went to try somthing new but its kinda sad cuase he was and always will be a part of Livingston, im not a really big fans of them but this shows me how fast this could happend that someone could leave a band or a band broke up.

Honestly in life theres just 3 Bands they really mean a lot to me, somehow more as my own life cares myself. People who not feel the same for a band wouldnt understand this, but these 3 Important Bands are Simple Plan, Linkin Park and Sons of Midnight. I knew LInkin Park and Simple Plan since the beginning of them, Simple Plan now 10 Years and Linkin Park now 12 years. Its amazing how the times fly i grow up with these amazing Bands. And they helped me in so many ways wheres no one really could helped me but these both did it.

– Music is the Soul Languages, and when you really listen to a song and about what they sing you will feel what they feel when you really listen. –

And since last Year September i found a band who i neer thought that these could change my life in so many diffrent ways, i talk about Sons of Midnight. I saw them as a Support Act from Simple Plan and was Impressed, then i saw them after this one time in cologne and 3 month later again cologne and Berlin in the last fe month its grow all up like a friendship. Through these 5 Boys i ve met the most special girls ever in my life, they mean to me all more as my life and i wanna never miss these Girls.

The Girls was there for me, when i need someone to talk with. Well i had in the last past month probertly the hardest time in my entire life and i was glad that i had them. But otherwise aslo SoM was there for me in this time specially Conrad the Singer and Mitchell the Bass Player, i never thought that people would notice me or cared about me.

– im thankfull for Elli, Claudi, Tiffy, Sophie, Sabine and Mitchell and Conrad –

I start writing these blog here so let my thoughts out, and stop being a mess, but i didnt expect that these boys would read my Blog i was kinda ashamed that he really knows the truth about that whats going on with me and in me.

well after all this i dont know what i would do when they break up, when i start read the message

– Sorry Fans but we are go now all our own way, and Sons of Midnight doesnt excist anymore –

Probertly i would die on the inside, my heart would break i couldnt stop crying, and i dont know what my mind would tel me to do at this time, it maybe sounds hard when this happend i dont know if i wanna life anymore, i cant reall describe these thoughts but they are more for me as some people know. Just to write about this scares me and i really start shaking cause this could be just a bad joke a nightmare who came true.

– First i porbertly would think is the 1 April today or is this a bad joke ? –

The Reason why i still here, why im still breathing broke up ? I Thought who i maybe couldnt live with 😦 .

Did You have also these thoughts of a band ?



Did you ever had the feeling that the world is still moving, but still stand at the same place ?

Hello People from all over,

Well i dont really know how describe this what i feel and think but i try it. Sometimes its like everyone is still talking all the time but im not really there im not really involved in the conversation, just someone who stands there and just listen what these people saying.

Sometimes i have this feeling its like my body is there but my mind isnt it or the world is sill moving but i still stand at the same place and cant move my legs.

– Forever Alone in a world of hate and Self-Har –

Maybe its just a feeling and maybe im wrong with it but did you ever have this feeling that still stand for weeks / Month at the same place and cant move yourself to something right to somthing what is maybe good to you ? The world around my start to change it but im still at the same point, at the place of hate ans shit where everything begun and i cant move my ass to do really something for it, well maybe im to scared to do it maybe i dont want it. I know that i need to do something i dont know im really scared and about my attitute completly dissapointed.

Its not like if i dont want to run with the world, but i can expect in the Future, what will happen, can i be happy there, stop the hate there ? Thats all question theres going through my mind and im really worried about it, cause when these minds still stay, it change never anything, i want to be happy and i love to talk with other people and dont just stand there and listen ?

– I Wanna live, i wanna enjoy the happyness of life –

ISt just a wish to be happy, in my life of 23 years i just want to have some good moment , moments i can look back to and smile and think hey this was so amazing this time, at the moment its nothing like that, at the moments theres ust the fear in me and all the worrys.

I Hope i can change these soon cause i think it will not end up good when i stay in this like im am right now ?

X Sarah



These Girls gave me more in the last weeks that other can do, and always can do, I thank you for excepting me as that what i be and always gonna be.

Hello Readers,


I dont know if you ever had these important people, that know you better as you think, all of these gilrs i met this year but it felts like always that i would know them since years the whole life, its always an awkward feeling when i start thinking about this.

This here is actually a little hommage tho these Girls cause i think i defently never said that before to anyone of them. I think they dont even know how much i need them right now in my life and how happy it actually makes me when i just get a hello, how are you on my whats app messages, its sounds maybe awkward its just a message but for me its more like hey i care about you, someone really wanna know how i feel in this moment.

I never had really people like my Girls, i one thing i wanna tell you, when have also these girls or boys in your life be thankful for this but in the socetiy of 2012 its not obvious to have these important people. Cause in this soceity its just important to be cool and thing all that shit.

Well girls you just know how much i love each on of you, and to hear all your drama at the moment makes me so sad cause why just get the good people all this fucking shit in their life i cant understand this really i cant, i just want that you all know, im always there for you, it doesnt care what time is it, or which day or whatever, write me a message or call me or whatever im always there for you. I have always a place in my bed for each for you <3. Its doesnt care how little the problem is im there.

To have each one of you in my life, makes my life a little bit brighter at the moment as it actually is, i know that i must stay strong for you and thats probertly at the moment the only reason to keep my alive.

I know that you my All Time Low Girl have at the moment a really rough time, but im there for you, i hope you know that, its makes me really sad to hear all this, but i know you are stronger as you think and with us on your side you gonna reach that drama, i know that cause i need you on my site, i love you for that what you are with all your mistakes and everything then that makes ou perfect ❤

My little black star, well now my little red star thank you every single skype session that we had, i dont need really to say that im feel bad you always knew it, you are 7 years older then me but you understand me more like some others in my age, you are a reason why im keep moving all this, imalways for you there ❤

I love you for that what you are Möpschen, its awkward that we knew us since end of April, but since day one i love you, you are my bright light on the end of a long way that i go, with you i can laugh so much and we have so weird conversation, i kinda miss these Skype sessions with you, never forget i love you for who you are and not that what anyone want, you so perfect excacly how you are. ❤

My Crazy Girl, im so happy for you that the dark way is finally done, i love you so much for all that what happend the last week(s), you know more about whats going on in me right now as anyone else i feel that you know about what im talking and all that, you are the girls who always whisper in my ear keep moving reach what you want, you dont know how thankful i am to have you right know, thank you everything ❤

Girls i dont need to post you names cause each of you know which post belongs to who, i really love you all, you are at the moment the last reasons to dont take these pills again to bring it to an end, you 4 are so imporant to me, i think no one can really understand what we share, and what we have and found. Im glad that i post the Fanpage to met my All time low girls and my little red star, and im glad that i decided to go to these Berlin show to met my Möpschen and my crazy girl.

A life without you anymore its now impossible but i would not just miss people that knew, i would miss people who are my life, every beat of my heart and every breathe i take.

I promise that i will ever fight for you and to protect you for people who start talking shit,no matter who is it. Cause you Girls are the most wonderfull people ive ever met and who this not appreciate, its not worth it to be with anyone of you. You are all to beautyfull in a world where just shit excist.

So Readers when you found girls in you life like i do, fight for them cause these girls/boys are every single fight worth it, and when you didnt found them, search for them they excist really, and when you found them you know about what im talking about here.

Keep moving and stay strong