A Band Love that Save you and also can kill/Destroy you ..


In the whole world are Fans of some Bands who love to meet their “Idols” just to hug them to talk with them a little bit, tol isten to the music of them, almost everyone has this Band in his own life, which means for themself the most,and help them so much at time where other did had the chance to.

They just help some people all over the world just with the music of them with this about what they are singing about, Fans feeling at this time understood, not alone anymore, when thy listen to their music they feel all connected to the Band. Some of them have just One Band who they listen to and feel directly happy some others have a few Band, but it doesnt matter how many Love Band do you have, when they help you at times where you need someone its always good. When you dont wanna talk to anyone just listen to everysingle word what they singing.

A Love to an Special Band also conneted strangers to friends, its unbelievable how a Band Love can change your life, how much people you meet just because you love a special Band. Nothing is better to meet people who love the same like you, and some o them going through the same shit like you.

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over ” Simple Plan – Welcome to my life

Its defently the postive site of loving a band, but sadly theres also a really negative site of loving a band, a site that can kill you or destroy you.

Im Talking about all the haters in the world, these people who start bullying you, just because you love a band, i mean when these other the band dont like then dont start hating or bully some others just because about the fact they love these Band, i mean you also dont want that someone say something really bad about your Band !

Unfortunately there are these haters in th world, they are everyhwere in the world and for every single Band they gave haters.

” On and on and on you’re all I needed
Oh you know, you know it’s all we’ve got
Know I’ll be there just to stop the bleeding
Know you’ll be there waiting for the drought ”             –  The Blackout – You´re not alone

For about a couple Weeks Alex Gaskarth (All Time low) post in twitter that he dont like the new One direction song, it was just his opinion, and in less then 5 min he recived a lot of hating message that the “Direction fans” gonna kill him, it gave really sites about kill alex gaskarth. I mean Some people are to much in these Band love and forget at this time what they are saying it was just his opinion.

And i think that everyone should have his own opinion about a Band who he love and not, its a free life that we all live so please Fans doesnt matter a Fan of Who please calm a little bit down.

And then theres other fans who start talking bullshit about others just about they are more closer to an Band Like they are, ans they hate these fact and thats why they starting romour, ridicioulus rumours. Please Stop talking bullshit people we all love the same and its kinda annoying and rumours can kill someone cause its like bullying, recived messages they was not nice and i almost killed myself about messages like this.

So please Fans We all Love the same Band it doesnt care which Band, we wanna spent an awesome time with them and with the other bands so stop bully stop talking bullshit and anything else just enjoy the short time that we all have with our Band.

xx Sarah



These Belongs here to all the Mums out there or these who love their mums more then anything else.

Hello People,

This Blogpost here goes to this person in my life, she means so much for me and im so thakful for having her and to call her my Mum, i love my Mum more then anyone else, she is this person who cares about me. She going with me of the journes to grow up to an adult and more, she is the person i always will love for these thing that she gave me.

My Mum ist the most important person for me, she is there when im sick or when i am sad, she wish my trears away and is there no matter which time or where i am, it doesnt care what happends she stand always by me and love me for me and not for that i could be.

But my mum was/is always there for me and im thankfull for this

My Mum is the last person of my parents that i have, my father gave a shit about me and what happed, he doesnt care about me. My Mum helps me at the beginning so much to go to this hard time she never said u cant see your dad she always said , when you wanna see you dad then go to him, but the fact that he doesnt want to see me makes it all really hard.

A Mom is a wonderfull gift, all kids should show their own mums more respect in he world cause  she gave birth to you, without her and you dad you wouldnt be here on this world, and be honest where would you be now without your mom, seriously where, the life is a hard way that we all need to take and it feels better and easier to share these long journey with your mom.

To see my mum smile is a wonderfull moment to see that she is happy makes me happy

We all should enjoy the time that we have with our Mums, then someday shes not there anymore and then we gonna miss her cause she is that what you loved the most. A Mom never said buy me these buy me that she is for everything thankful what you gave her. When you are creative just with a postcard or something else this is the best gift that she ever can get.

To See my mum at the moment, and to know that something is not right makes me really sad, she say everything is okay but i see its not and i dont know why she dont want to tell whats wrong woth her maybe she wants to protect me or something else, but i wanna help her together we can fix that .. Right ??

She doesnt judge you about the problem that you have or had, the stupid things you´ve done and still do, she is almost always on your site she helps you to get out of shit helps you to make yourself feel better.

For me is nothing better as to see that my mum is happy and fit, to see her smile makes my little sadess more easier. To share some time with my mum is always amazing, all of you should spend some more times with your mum it doesnt care if you share the whole day or just a few hours the thing is someday shes not there anymore and now we have the time to spend as much time as we can get with our mums and later when shes not there anymore that we can look back to the great times that we shared and how happy we was together.

Every time you smile, I smile
and every time you shine, I’ll shine for you

So its almost christmas, this is the perfect time to share some time with your. Spend some time with her and tll her how much you love her and be thankfull for that, that she is you mum.

So spend some time with your lovley Mum and be happy that she is still by your side

xx Sarah

People who left footprints in your heart

Hello Readers,

This can be grow up to a wonderfull thing, that you ve meet new people and start loving them with all your heart and with all your love, you miss them like hell and everything but it can change also into something really bad then, footprints can change into really hurting scrars of getting the feeling of being betrayed.

The 2 sites of missing someone

Ive never believed in this that just people can changed your own life in something complete diffrent, i mean when you start think about this, theres actually just people you ve meet.

But this year ive learned it could happend, people who leave footprints of your heart, and they change yourself into something complete new, you find reason and start believing in something good. Ive meet a “Band” and trough these Band ive meet so many people in whole Germany, and we have so much in common and thorugh these Girls and Boys ive change myself in so many ways, im still not over my past and maybe i never get over this but these people gave me more strenght in my life and reasons to smile for something.

Ive heard a few times about this that Strangers become to something really wonderfull like soulmates, sisters or something else, but ive never had this chance to meet people like this. I just learned how mean people can be, and what they can say and do to yourself and with yourself.

But i think the Soceity of 2011/2012 or the next years who are on the way, show us a complete wrong pictures of being Beautiful. I mean with this .. I would never talk to an “Barbie” Girl, i mean with this a girl who looks perfect with all the Make up on and wear just label clothes, that what i mean with “Barbie” girl. I would never to talk to someone like this cause i think these people would ignore a girl like me and i think im not the only one who think the same right know. The Soceity killed the Gene in people to meet new People to being open for something new.

and then its hard to find people who can become for you something impotant and special, its hard to find new people, and we all dont meet new people we never gonna find these wonderfull persons in our lifes. Its kinda sad what the soceity already kills and do with us

When i imagine where i would be right know and who i am right know when ive never gone to this concert at the 11.09.2011. I dont know what happend then ?

At one site it scares me a bit, but at the other site it haqppend something wonderfull in my life. People who accept me for that what i be and always gonna be. These Girls and Boys defently leaved footprints at my heart. They become for to people who i really love and happy about, and i never wanna miss these wonderfull people in my life, cause i dont wanna change it.

In the last few days i start thinking about a few thing, how my life would be now without them and all this, and im not sure where i would be .. But it would be completly diffrent.

The Only advice that i wanna give you, when you found a person who you already see that these person can help you more as some other fight for that , that she or he is stil and always will a part of your life then these people are like diamonds in the world, they shining and being Rare in the world so beware and care.

The Other site of leaving footprints on your heart could be, when a realationship starts to break, and this in nothing really good its sad when someone that you told everything from you, who you love and care about step away from being a part of you life and start being and outstanding persone. This is somethin really heartbreaking and leaves scars on your heart where the footprints was.

We all are never beware of getting hurt by someone who we thought can trust to, but this happend so often in the life but still this hard part of a life can be a lesson who you can learn from, i mean when you ve lost your best friend in your life yeah this is hard but you ve learn from this and getting stronger out of this, you dont see this directly but after days or maybe weeks you will see, you ve learned from this. Trust me i know from what im talking about.

Get strong out of this and make a new start

All these situation making us to this what we are right now, so chin up, smile and enjoy the journey of the life.

xxx Sarah

People cry, not because they re weak. its because they ve been strong for too long

Hello People,

These wise words sad an awesome Actor called “Johnny Depp”.

Everyone has his own issues who he needs to deal or fight against it. Some more some less. It gave so many diffrent problems that someone can have.

” Heartbroken, loose a important person, issues with themself … “

It doesnt really seems to care what issues ou have the point is when someone fight for such a long time and had so much problems its okay to cry and let everything out. To cry doesnt mean  your are weak, sometimes the point is there where everyone need to cry and to let all out, to cry helps sometimes more as to fight, and to be honest who cares what others thinks about you when you start to cry ?

When you need to cry let it out, you are not weak, you was a long time that much strong so to cry isnt weak.

” To cry shows sometimes that you care about something”

Dont hide your Tears then the show that you care and are human then to cry is normal, everyone cry. While watching a movie, when you loose a loved person, missing someone, hear such heartbreaking music … It gave a lot reasons to cry sometimes we also cry about something good when we are happy.

When you meet after years a friends back, getting a lovley present or message, when you are excited about something really big or other Stuff.

It gave so many reasons to cry and no one of these things show me and us a weak person, just someone who has feelings and car, and this is something wonderfull.

Then every Human on the world is beautiful xx So be yourself

X Sarah

It gave words they helping you and it gave words they hurt you !

Hello People,

Im writing here now about something what i see already everyday better said i hear it everyday and also see it on the Tv or radio. Its kinda shocking what happend with the live of teenagers and about what they are saying. Im now 24 so im over the Teenager time but when i was in the Teenager age (10 – 16 ) i dindt said words like this.

Im Talking about words like ( Cunts, Bitch, Slut, Ugly Bitch and more of this ) i cant really belive what i already heard from these young people seriously they are already growing up, i think they dont really knew about what happend with these people who they call these words. They just start saying these just to be cool and all this but honestly i know how it feels to get called these words and i thin ksome of you readers too and how much these words can hurt you.

–  I Wish i could give you my pain, just for one moment, Not to hurt you but rather soyou can finally understand how much you hurt me –

It actually doesnt care how old you are, just the fact you saying words like that, its not right ! YOu dont know what can happend when someone get calles these some of them start falling in a eating disease or start cutting or see any reason to live again and the lat thing the do is the suicide.

Some people should think about this what they saying cause they can kill people just with words, its a slowly way to get killed cause when one started to say things ike that the other start it too just to be with you cool.

– You are not cool with saying these words –

To get called these words leaves scars, sometimes not some you can see but they are they and they never leave this person again, trust me i know about what im writing here, for me its always a little looking back when i start thinking about a few things and i remember myself at everysingle word ive get called and from who, this never gonna leave a person.

– So better start thinking first before you start saying anything –

But theres also Words that can help you in bad times or healing your emotional scars, these words should better said more oftern like ( beautiful, you are worth it to get loved, pretty, smile more, love you , care about you, miss you ). its gave so many words who you already can help people with. But some choose more the way to hurt people.

When we all would pull at one rope and stop saying words like this, for some people the live would be a lot easier. you can try this out say everyday one person thats this one is beautiful and ou must mean this, trust me just these words can help more as money always can cause

– money cant buy you happyness –

You will see and when this person being much postiv as normals you also start smiling the whole day cause you brought a person to smile and this is something wonderfull in a life. We all need so much more postivity on the live of 2012/2013.

It gave enough hate in the world, we dont need it around of us and our love ones and friends, no one need hate or deserve to get some hate, hate can ruins live of so many people.

xx Sarah


Always a fucking punch in the face ..

Hey People

As you already see from the topic, this here would be not really a postive blog im writing about, its about something that always come back also when you dont want or need it, when you already sick about this.

Well a life could be for some people such a woderfull thing everything is fine everything is good and is getting better and then the other site of life the site that some of US see pretty often, the shit site to get always a punch in the face when you trying to make your life even better, you really try it but sometime you are really done with everything. You say yourself always stay fucking strong dont give a shit about that what people are saying or doing but when you be honest to yourself it hurts you with this.

You try in one way to ignore it and try to get over and just think come on dont listen to all this shit but then, theres these little piece called “past” in you where you always had all this and now it back again. You thought you ve learned about some thing, you thought its getting better but its not, and to get again a punch in the face makes it always harder to stand up and start again to looking forward, some people of US are sick about this to get Tons of punches in the face, to fight against what you want and love and these other get it all for “free” seriously the life is in some way so unfair.

You try to lear as much as you can about things that goes wrong, you try to see the postiv thing about, but after that much punches you just see the negative things in it, all what you see seems to be that negative you dont see any reason to fight for something what someday also get wrong. Everything what seems to be perfect, so shiny so postive looks now really grey and sad. Its like it would break everyday a little bit more.

You try to ignore this,cause some things was the last final postiv thing what hold you here in the world, but you really start thinking about, for what are you doing this here right know for what ?

You always tried your best, you tried to help you tried to see as much postive as you can you talk a lot with some of you closet friends but for what its diesnt care anymore casue some thing they would never knew.

You are just sick about everything

The people start looking at you and thinking poor girl what happend with her, but they actually give a fuck about what happend with this girl or what could happend actually they dont really regonize her, the just saw her.

People can be that much fake, trust me in the world of billions of people theres a lot of fake people they start telling all the good stuff but at the end its just another fucking punch in the face. Im Sorry for the words here but its the truth and im just writing the truth.

Its here all just something what ive learned or saw or going through.

The Life is the biggest Punch in the face what people can get !!


Sometimes it seems to be everything is okay but actually its not

Hey People…

Something that we all might know, maybe from some others or from yourself. I think everyone of you said sometimes that everything is okay when its actually not, im right or ?

At some point you dont wanna talk about all that about what you ve ben going through at the moment or was giong through, you know your friends just wanna help you but you think its maybe better to keep it for you. Theres things tht you dont wanna share with anyone, things that you fight against it and you wanna fight alone.

Everyone on the world has 2 lifes, or better said to faces …


— The Smile Face

Where you show the world that you are happy, happy with everything and it couldnt be better, you have friends, a family , a job, all your dream comming true, no problems in you life everything is perfect.


— The Sad face (dark face)

These site you actually dont wanna show anyone, you wanna keep that all by yourself, you dont wanna show how easy its actually is to get hurt and dissapointed about things or important people. You try as much as you can to keep these site as a secret, you dont want that the other people think you are weak.


You live the whole life with these two faces, some of you show both sites in their live to people some of you maybe not. To show the site how easy you get hurt by things is very hard and a really long working process, a working process of a realationship between friends or really important people.

All what i can say is dont be that shy to open yourself, yes sometimes you get hurt by the fact to open yourself but also sometimes you see how good it feels to have people around you who love both sites of you and take you exactly how you are and love ou for this, and maybe you see how much you have in common with some of your friends.

Ive got hurt by people where i open myself and it was a hard way to trust again but now i found the real people i can trust to and this is the best feeling that you ever can get, trust me

And when you see that some of your friends have a problem, or you just feel it, dont be shy to ask


” how are you, is everything okay”


and ask maybe 2 or 3 times, some people dont say it directly that something is not right …. and still then when they dont wanna say anything just let him know that you always there when these person wanna talk, cause you love this person and wanna be there for them, thats the most wonderfull gift that you can give your friend.

xx Sarah

Some People dont Understand what they really mean to me (us) im really worried right now and scared …

Hey …

For the first time i dont know how to start this here right now, and im not really sure how to write this here down .. hopefully this here doesnt sounds creepy now i mean this here really honest

Some People dont understand how important they really are for me. From my 2000 – 2011 i almost just got shit in my life there as a few good times yes but then just shit. Not just the destroyed Father – daughter relationship a lot more, thats why i have problems to trust new people and all this.

I dont expect that this would change it in this year so bad i start to trust my girls, al lot and i never wanna miss these, but this blog is  not about my girls that i truly love.

Im talkiing about some boys in my life, ive meet them last year and there i couldnt believe how important they are now for me. But otherwise im really worried and confused right know. I dont really know how to write this here now down but it must out, its killing me everyday a litte bit more, maybe it changes nothing when this here is all out but then i try it and need to live with that what ive wrote.

So its for people outside maybe hard to understand all these but these boys mean a lot to me but just in a friends view nothing more !. And i think they dont even know how much they already mean to me. They brought me my girls and thats why im always thankful for this but in the last few month im getting more and more worried aout them. I dont wanna  sounds like a mum or anyone else im just so fucking scared about that , that they drinking so much alcohol i mean its completly okay to party or drinking a glass of wine while they eat but the last pictures i saw or posts ive read was just about that PARTY PARTY PARTY  …

I really dont wann sound like a mom, or wanna say what they should do or not, its just like im scared to loose them cause i know some people who has already issues with the alcohol and they are all not really old, i dont want that they fall into the club of 27.  Seriously . Im just extremly worried and when u say somthing to them i think they think then ” look what they writhe and making fun about this” so thats also why im delete all my tweets that ive wrote them about this thing.

They are old enough to know whats right or not but sometimes i think they dont know this, they wanna live the live as a “rockstar” but seriously you have just one body in your life. We all dont wanna say how you all should live and how much you all should drink, we just want that you take a step back and drink maybe not that much anymore.

We love you all really, more as you all maybe thought, you guys are for some of us the reason why we are still here and breathing or smiling everyday, you know and we all dont wanna loose you about the fact that youve lost the fight against the alcohol addiction.

Sometimes when im reading what you wrote in the social places i just think are you drunk or whats going on ? I Promised someone something and he promised me something too but honestly i dont think that what he said was honest, when i see what he now doing all the time. maybe im wrong but im a little bit dissapointed about him, i thought he would be honest to me while we talk about reall serious stuff. I dont think they all take it that serious as its actually is and thats a big problem .

I dont wanna stand behind someone whos drinkin like hell, i love you all so much really but i dont wanna see how you all get sick and you liver stopped to work 100 % this could happend in the future whe you all dont stop drinkin like that much, i mean 8 am in the morning really !

And to write this here to them, i cant cause i dont wanna losse them, i dont wanna tell them how to live their live, but im scared and worried about them and already miss them like hell when i see this, i dont want that the last hug from august would be the last one. I love them too much.

I really could cry about the thought to loose them just beacuse of the alcohol excist  …. its not just me who thinks that theres a few more we love you all so much so please take a little bit more care about yourself. We are all worried really worried and scared. You guys mean su much for us.

Thats it

xx Sarah

What does music means to you and how important is she for you ?

Hello Readers,

For me is music not just something that what im listen to, for me has the music a really important part in my life and no im not a star/singer or anything else im just a normal girl what loves music. 🙂

What does music means to you. ? 

For me music means a lot, she helps me at time where no one else was really there for me, or could help me. For me the music gave me something to believe in at the time while im listen to it. I can choose a special song at a special mood that ive had ( sad, happy ) it doesnt care witch mood, its just something that helps me and thats why she means a lot to me. I listen everyday to some special songs. While im being in the train, at home , or meeting friends , shes a important part of me.

What does she gives you while you listen to them . ?

I cant really describe what actually music gives me at the time while im listen to them, i just can say that music give me something that not everyone can give me, a feeling of getting understood, a feeling of carying just a feeling to be not alone. The Music is a magic thing cause its connection people all over the world, people start to find they new Best friends, they new sister mostly on concerts. The Music gave me so much in my life, i woudnt know where i am when im not having the music always by me side, through some Bands ( Simple Plan, Sonns of Midnight ect ….) i found so many Friends/Sisters in my life and i never wanna miss them in my life.

Music is something magical, it helps me a lot at time where i didnt saw any reason to stay strong for something or believe in something. The music is a big reason of who i am now. Me without music no way. Music is really Important for me, to me its a really nightmare to know that i need to spent some days without music, i think some of you maybe feel like the same. Still while im writing this here down im listening to music at the moment ( Sons of Midnight – Saint and Sinners ). Music is such a wonderfull thing what excist.

The Music can touch people in they soul, what would be a Wedding without the melody at the beginning, what would we do without the heartbreaking music in sad movies, or just the fact to be at night with your hubby in bed and listen to some slow songs ?

The Music is everywhere in the world … at the tv, in the cinema, at the train, in shopping malls its everywhere and for every Situation theres gave a special music type for

… For some Party times songs from

  — Pitbull, Usher, Nicky Minaj ,Rihanna, David Guetta

… For some romantic times songs from

— Withney Houston, Lady Antebellum, Sinead o Connor, Elvis Presley

Thats just a few ideas, theres so many more situations where the music is a really important part where you need the music to make something big amazing. The music gives the final point at something.

For a long while i always played by myself Guitar, i dont know why but i stopped for about 4/5 years i think, everyone has his own reason an side why the music is so important for themself.

At least the music saved my life in so many ways, not just the fact that i found trough these a Band who i love since 10 years and a Band i already know them since 1 year but they helped me so much and through these boys i found the girls that i truly love and im thankful that i have these wonderfull people in my life, when the music wouldnt excist i never meet these wonderfull people and this would be heartbreaking.

A Person from the Band gave me so much, he maybe doesnt know how much but he did and im always thankful for this and to remind me what a promise i gave him i ink a heart that he sign at my wrist i see it everysinge day and this reminds me there are people that i love and miss at the same time. Im thankful for the music and the chance that ive found these people.

What is your Favorit song or yout Favorit Band ?

Well as i said 2 of my Favorit Bands are and always will Sons of Midnight and Simple Plan, there gave me so much, what no one else ever could. Well im also listen a lot to

—  Green day, All time low, Blink182, Sum41, The Killers, Papa Roach, Linkin Park, Three days Grace, Greenfrog Feet, Good Charlotte, Queen, Kings of Leon, Billy Talent, Ashlee Simpson, Avril Lavigne, Grace Sewell, The Veronicas, P!nk, Die Ärzte , The Bloodhound gang, Rihanna and Rita ora and many more  .. .. ..

As you can see i hear a lot of music and also a good mix of some tunes, i dont really have a special type of music what i hear, sometimes i also hear some tunes of Britney, Justin or One Direction i think it doesnt care what other people thinking about what youve been listen to it, when you love the music its totally okay 🙂

The Question about a Favorit song is a really hard one  …. I mean i dont really have this one song thats my Favorit i have actually a few  .. like

— This Song Saved my life, Perfect, Untitled, Everytime, Take my Hand (Simple Plan), Stand up for love, Saint and Sinners, Superman, Kill the Dj (Sons of Midnight), Diamonds (Rihanna), Numb, In the end, Crawling, One step closer, Papercut (Linkin Park) Scars, sometimes, Blood, Not Listening (Papa Roach).

Thats also just a few but this songs i listen to a lot 🙂 Mostly a few of them everyday.

As you can see im listen to songs and music a lot mostly every free second of my life 🙂

What does music means you ? What is your Fave ? Let me know what you think about music write me here in

– WordPress, just leave a comment here under that post  🙂

– Twitter – www.Twitter.com/Sarahcologne

Im excited 🙂

xxx Sarah

You know you already loose to stay strong when you start missing how it feels how the blood runs down you arm/leg while cutting, the feeling how everythings getting unreal.

Hey Readers,


It the last weeks i really start thinking about a lot of things, some good and some not really good things, or what happend in the last few month and weeks.

In the last weeks ive had a lot of problems with my body and dont really know whats going on but something is nor right.

Honestly im really scared about that what maybe could say the doctor tomorrow to me, i know that something is wrong with me and with my body, i feel , i mean , i start shaking all day, my heart start to race 2 or 3 times a day while i do nothing, 8 times a day i have a cardiovascular collapse and this each day, i start loosing weight ( good i must loose some ),  but i didnt change anything so why i loose 20kg, i get panic attacks everday, im getting by everything what i start to eat so bad stomache pain really bad one, i know  something must be wrong i mean this all is not normal seriously.

Im so fucking scared about that what the doctor could find tomorrow i mean we have some familiar issues like ( cancer, diabetis , heart problems, throid problems and some more, this is maybe not the best fact to looking foreward and to hope that all is getting better or right, it doesnt look good 😦

Im really confused right know and im scared just the fact to start thinking about tomorrow scares me like hell .. Sometimes i really wish i had something bad and would die really soon just get away from all this shit, but then im just 23 years old im so young why i should have something bad ? … I know to get some issues get everyone it doesnt care the age.

I wish someone could go for me tomorrow, at one site i dont wanna know what i maybe could have and what not, who wants to hear some bad messages what he maybe could have. I mean yesterday i was by the eye doctor yeah and there was the first shit message and infektion in my eye that maybe never go away, sometimes i think i never gonna be that healthy ….


— life sucks and this will never change —


Some of you know about the hard and sad things about my past and i must promises some people to stay strong and get my hands away from a few things but honestly right know this is the hardest fight i always begun to fight, everything looks now so easy a bottle alvohol and some pills and everything is done, pills enough are here, its all that easy  …

Or how much i miss right know the feeling how the blood runs down over my skin, how warm it is, and how it feels that your thought are not that loud anymore, they are far away, you are free from everything you are just there in this moment, every problems are far away, everything is good, its like you would left your body for a min maybe just seconds but i really miss this feeling right know so bad and i must fight so hard right know against it to grab the blade and start to cut myself.

I wish someone could save me right know, just grab me and bring me back of this place this life and this thoughts, but this is not the right way, when i run away know from this it gets me maybe so soon but someday .. and then its maybe even worst as it maybe actually was ??


— Can anybody here me, or am i talking to mself ? —


I dont know im scared, confused and weak right know, i start to left all this behind me to start to get away from this then this is not healthy and not good  .. i need to stay strong .. for these people i gave a promise and these who care about me thats maybe not a lot but there are some, people who i love and really need right know but sadly they cant be here by me, they are not by my side right know .. and this is hard a few are just 500km far away and there are the others they are over 15.000 km far away this kills me actually .. i miss them all so bad .. its not fair to find people who you need and love that they are live so far away from you , and you didnt see any day when you have them around you … all this makes it not really easy to stay strong : (


— to stay strong is the most hardest fight against yourself —


i need to focus my mind on something good, just something complete diffrent, something good … to get my thought away from all this bad, its ot good to get a breakdown right know, its not good at all. I tried my best to get away from self-harm, suicide thoughts and all this. The life can be sometimes such a big bitch, a bitch you always need to fight against all it.



I wish this fight would stop right know, i just wanna live a happy and lucky life, being healthy and all this. But this is just a dream ….

x Sarah