Getting Judged

Hey Hey,

Ive seen or read it quiet a lot and to be honest you cant do anything right in the eyes of others. Everything you do is wrong and you get judged, it doesnt care what you wear, what you think of, how you wanna live your life or how you decided to change your eating behaviour. It just doesnt care people wll judge because you are diffrent and in their eyes diffrent is wrong.

I cant really count how many times i got judged just because i have a different opinion on things, or just because i dye my hair. Its always the same people judge.

I dont know why they always do, if they are bored or whatever, i wish people would stop judge others, why do they dont accept everyone, its a free world where everyone should live their live how they want. We have 2015 and in some countries people are still afraid to live their love life open to others, why dont we all accept love is love no matter what gender. Why does it still have to be a “wrong” attitude. ITS NOT.

Why does Teenagers still get judged just because they dont wear the new Nike Airforce ? Or when they look different live a diffrent style, or whatever, people look like that because they want to, they express themself like that, dont point with a finger on them, let them alone and care about your own buisness. Or at least talk to them and ask them why they live a dffrent live to yours, you will see sometimes it can be pretty interesting.

People have to stop to judge others eatng behaviour, when people want to live Vegeterian/vegan let them. Its a decision they made and they are happy with it and no they eat enough and no they dont have tp make some pills because of it o they might miss some vitamins, dont worry we are fine! Dont judge just because you dont know anything about it, better ask before you judge and you will see we get enough to eat and in the year of 2015 theres a lot of food made for Vegeterians/Vegans so dont worry.

Dont be stupid and judge people who you dont know, ask them why they live like that might you find some new friends in thoose poeple who knows, i found a lot of people who are diffrent but im glad a start to talking to them because in the end we have a few things n common and we are now really good friends so stop to judge and start to talk with thoose people, theres already enough hate in this world so make a change. Every Voice is a change for something better in the future.

x  Sarah

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Be replaced by other …

 

Hey,

 

I think we all had this feeling someday in our life, the feeling o not good enough anymore or that others stop to care about you, you seems not anymore important to them, you see how they speak with other everyday more and more and with you, maybe twice a week. 

We all start in our early years to make new friends, find people or better said little kids that we have somethin in common, but we all start to grow up really fast when we start to go in school we change ourself and the things we love and our personality. Sometimes we all cant hold the friendship to our first friends in live and we start top replace them with other that we start to have more and more in common we start to loose the connection to them and stop to care anymore about them.

We meet a lot o new people on our journey of life and sometimeswe loose the people that we thought we love the most adn had the strongest connection too. Its life we all know that. Sometimes its really hard to realise to give up on people cause we changed to much and have nothing anymore in common with this person nothing that you can hold on to. We know how much it hurts to be replace by ther from your closet friend, but sometimes we need to let people go no matter how hard it could be, even how much it gonna hurts, but hold on a friendship where no end is to see, this is not a realy friendship.

Sure for a real strong friendship you need to work for and with it, its work to hod on something like this wonderfull and the hard work need to come from both sites cause otherwise its doesnt even make sens a friendship is from two sites not just from one. When you feel something is wrong with the frienship or with the person just ask whats wrong or that something is not right woth the friendship and you both need to figure out what, cause when the friendship is so important for you as for the other person you will made it, i think no one of you will be replaced by a stranger and you dont want loose the closet person of you that you ever had.

Never forget how much it could hurts being or be replaced by someone else, to get forget and hurt by the Person you thought you love and get loved the most, a friendship is hard work and you need to work on it.

I´ve been replaced way to often from people that i thought they love me for who i am, how i look and all this … but they start talking shit behind my back or we stopped talking or we just stopped to have things in common and they shared everything with it with other and they didnt even care what you´ve been thinking about it.

It hurts like hell to have the feeling of getting might replaced from others or that this person could love others more like you, its never easy to get over something like this, so do something for it, try to figure out what could be wrong and what happend and might you both find a way out and no one need to replaced and you will have a very long friendship you can looking forward to and looking back in the future

 

x Sarah

 

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Thoughts over Thoughts

Hey peeps,

Hope you are all good and everything runnings good in your life ?

In the last days and weeks i thought about allot of things good and bad ones and i start re reading my old blogs here that i post and i dont know i said pretty often its getting better and all this in the last weeks it doesnt really run good to be honest, sometimes i dont know what think about this whole situation, my mum said when one door close for you then somewherea new one open for me.

But Honestly the past month/year i just had always closed doors and i dont know how many doors i try to open to be finally there where i want and can stay ?

I didnt talk to anyone about all this cause i dont know the whole situation between my friends feels like as somthing change i dont know why always when i feel i shoud say something to be not alone here i feel like i would annoy them cause im not really a happy person and have so many good stuff to talk about i had in the past just shit to talk about and thats why i decided for a few weeks ago to stop talking about my problems and whats really going on, but i feel like its getting to much at the moment, i sit alone look a few times aday at my screen and no messages nothing and this kinda feel weird normally i have messages but it changes in so many ways.

I wish i would really know what happend, wheres the part who all this “relation” between us break and maybe i would know how to fix this or to try to make it better as it already is ?

It felt all so unreal the past weeks i cant even describe it really its like everything else gonna be more important as i am, as all what been said was wrong and not even really true, i just lay at night in my bed i think about a few things and start crying cause i dont understand what happend and what i can do to make all this better as now ?

Theres so many things that i wanna say, but i feel she wouldnt understand what i wanna say and thats the problem i cant tell her really what i feel and how i gonna feel.

This makes it all not easy and it start that something getting between us we talked last year almost every day sometime a couple times a day but now 3 times a week ?

What happend ? you said i were important for you but this silence is killing me inside and i dont know what to say or think about it ? did i said something wrong ? did i act wrong or what happend i just wanna know what happend and how i could fix it to get back to the old days is this to much ? I dont wanna loose the reason(s) why im still here and try to stay here ?

I Just want to see you and hug you is this to much that i want ? Just to have you back at my site and feeling complete and not lost anymore ?

x sarah

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Words do hurt

Hey people,

Im Sorry for the long break with not posting anything but i couldnt find the right words to post something, to find the right words that would gave a sense i felt myself so empty in the past weeks, i cant even descibe what happend with me, but on it happend something that i need to talk about it here its unbelievable what happend and how rude people can be and how much they can hurt  one person with just a few words.

i was at the weekend at a concert and was really looking forward to it, i met infron of the hall a few girls they were all so sweet and we had at the end such ann amazing time together and we are still in contact, one of them is a Beauty blogger and post a sweet picture of us on her page cause we had a awesome night but these comments under it i read it and read it over and over again ….

Look at the fat girl right next to you , this fat girl wanna look like you athey maked fun about me laughin about me

just about the fact i dont have a size zero , im not that beautiful as others yeah i dont look like the perfect person im not that beautiful but all this means im not that worth it to have a amazing night, to have fun all night long …. and people need to destroy it with words like this ?

I think these people dont know what they do when they write words down like this, how words can ruin a life from a person how easy people can fall into a depression, start cutting and commitet suicede people dont know nothing about this, all what they know is

Hey i bullied a  girl im now cool enough, yeah im so good now, im so strong …

I think sometimes these people have also problems and they dont find the right way to let it out and start bullyinf others to make feel themself better or i just want to help myself i dont know.

All what i know is i start crying after reading this it hurts so much to read stuff but im a person who read it over and over again to hurt myself always a bit more at the one site i just feel something but its not a good feeling i wrote something down on twitter and my friends react to this they wrote stuff under that picture that all this what the wrote is not okay, and what this girl think when she write this … there was also a few other user who wrote how disgusting this girl is to write stuff like this …

But it was so surreal to read i just saw all this negative stuff to bad words the hate against me  … I know how it felts to get bullied but i thought t finally stopped but i was wrong ….

I thankfull for having this girls in my life they accept me for who i am, and how i look they are there for me and im thankfull for my sisters i really love them.

But  ….

Theres these thought i know i have people who care about me who love me and all this but its so hard to going trough life with people like this in the world i know they are everywhere but why cant these people let us alone and let us live our own life.

After that after leaving my computer i was laying in my bed and the tears was back i cryed a lot in this night and was alone with myself there was a lot of thought in my head.. suicide thougth.. i just cant stop to think about thinks like this , the life is such a bitch and theres poeple who disgusted me like hell

words was running through my mind but i dont want to annoy someone to talk with me cause they all sleep and i dont want to wake anyone of them up just about the fact my mind is fucking around. Im Not proud about it what ive done this night im not really proud but i could find anything to stop all this im still here but i dont know all this kicks me all the time back into a part where i dont wanna be, where im not that strong where im weak like idk …

Is it to much that i just wanna live my life without getting bullied about what im doing, i just want to be love for who i am is this to much ?

I just want to live a happy life … without any doubts and smiling all day ….

Heres the pictures where everyone start talking against and laughing about me  im sorry for not being perfect and for my face ..

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Music the escape of life.

Music for might for some of you just something you listen to everyday without any reason you just need something to hear.

And for others like me, the best therapie you could ever get, the best way to get with your mind out of all the hate, problems of life. The Music is something that can give you so many things at the same time ..

.. Hope, Love, Trust, Understanding, Help ..

For me is the music like Air or every pulse or heartbeat, i couldnt live without her i listen to music since i were in the teenager age might a bit earlier but for me the music was always a big part an important part of my life, they helped me so often out of all drama in my life i put my earphone in my ear, click play and the world was on mute. The Music is a wonderfull gift of every artist, everyone has his own special Band or just a Song that gave yourself the feeling that someone understood you, try to help you ot is might just there at the moment.

When you feel alone you know the music is always there for you when others leave you, the music gave you something that others might never can. Theres a lot of different music types in the world tons of ..

.. Pop, Rock ,Rap, Techno, Metal, Alternitive, Hardcore Metal and some more  …

Everyone has his own music type that he love and adore and songs by artist that you love and being a fan of, thoose Songs speak words from your own soul, they tell you your life tr to help you, and being there for you, people who never had this feeling cant understand this, how a song could help a person, help more as a human ever can ..

The Music is a wonderfull gift and they always will, nothing helps specially me more as the music honestly, i have it one my phone, at work and everywhere, shes always there and for that im thankfull when my people around me have sometimes not the time for me i know i can put my earphone in my ear and know soon its getting a bit better with some special songs i love and know that they help me.

The Music is one of the most Important parts of my life and she always will …

What means music to you ? 

xx Sarah

 

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The New Year … Better and happier ?

Hey Peeps,

Im sorry that i was not really online/blog in the beginning of the new year but i need to clear up somethings and all this. I Hope you all had an lovley New Years Eve. 🙂

Well the last year is over, all the drama, the cry days, the days we lost the hope, the faith everything are done. But does this also directly mean this year gonna be a better and happier year ? Well i cant answear this really ..

In the last days i took some time to look over all m blogs that ive wrote and sadly the bad mood was a big part of all these blogs, i had a lot of down in the last year, honestly almost the whole year 2012 was a bad mood year, all the self-harm days, the sucide thought all this .. it was probertly not the best side of me that i show you all here im sorry for that, i tried to write these like a little diar of my life to try to help some people that they are not alone with some thought or some things that happend, it gave so much hate and sadness in the world no one needs to be alone we all need people around who help us an be there for us.

Well the New year is here and i dont really have some things/wishes for the new year, i just try my best to get away from all these bad mood days, the suicide thought and the cut parts, it would be all not easy i now this, but i try to see the

world from a whole diffrent side to see all this a little bitt lighter as it is more colour and try to enjoy the days they i spent here on the world, the life is something that we all need to appreciate and be thankful for it (Unbelievable that i say this 🙂 ), i have wonderfull people like elli, claudi ,tiffy. sophie, biene, jenny, moni and sarina around me who love t spent as much as time together, for them i try to dont give up, to smile more, just being happy.

You see the wolrdl ike you wanna see them sure it gaves a lot shit and bitches in the world but give a shit about them, they are just not in comming with themself the have issues and try to hide them and start annoying and bully you, they dont know how hard the life can be, dont listen to this what they say ot do, give a shit, just smile and think im better as her million times better 🙂 .

Dont give up it gave a lot of things to breathe and to enjoy the life, so go out and show the world your beautifull smile

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ps: I dont wanna say that i dont write anymore some bad mood blog we all have sometimes a really really bad day, but i try to see my life in a diffrent view and make it happier as it was 🙂

xx sarah 🙂

Being Scared to get dissapionted again from people who you love ?

Hey People,

Who doesnt know this feeling or these thought, that you re not sure anymore about people who you love if they still you that much as you loved them? You are scared about this that you could loose them soon or that they dont love ou anymore for that what you are ?

– You are Scared that you get again dissapointed from people whou you thought they love you –

I mean your body/brain just want to protect you from things that hurt you or try to help you to not get dissapointed, its just a reaktion from yourself right ?? When you saw in the past how many people dissapointed you and hurt you with things or words they said or did, are you trying to protect yourself with saying to you all the time stop careing or stop loving that much just a about the fact, when you see / met or talk again to get not that much dissapointed.

Or do you try to tell yourself just a lie, just because you know where it could end up maybe or you know that theres people who could hurt your feelings that much?

I just can say from myself, i had a lot of people around me in the past who i wish that ive never met them or being a part of my life, but in the past i get pretty often dissapointed from people just about the that did thought or did the same for me as i did for them, and now where i let after years finally people pretty close to me my life and my heart, im scared that all this was happend in the past could happen again ?

I tryed my best in the last weeks /month to see this all from a other site but day by day it gets me back why i love people like they are and for what they all do, but sometimes i just think about it and just see what i did, what i say and all this i start thinking if this “love” just from my site ?

Did i create for myself a little “world” where i thought they loved me for that what i was and appreciate what ive done and did and whatever?

As you can see i have maybe the same problems like you have, and i cant focus myself and my view at anything else, i try it each day, everyday again , but all this doesnt let me go. I think when you also was in the same situation like i was and already be you know what i mean how hard it is to trust people to think about to get dissapointed again to get hurt, all this what was happend again.

And Honestly i dont wanna say to some people of them whats wrong and all this then actually i dont want to change the situation right now, cause it could change into something bad …

But when i think everytime at the Day when i be back with them at one place i always see myself runnign away, away from the truth ? And i start crying just about my weakness that always being a part of me.

Did you ever feel like the same i find a way out of this, or something that could hel me then let me know ?

xx Sarah

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I Hate it what happen for 12 Years, the family break at this time but he is and always will be my Dad and i kinda miss him :(

Dad and me    Hey ….

I dont know how to say this here, i dont know whats really going in at the moment with my feelings and all this, but i remind myself in the last days pretty often to the times were my Family where together my mum, my dad and my brother.

He did a lot bad things, nothing that i ever could forgive, or really understand.

No one in my family or in my friends base does really know what all happend, it was a hard time for me my mum  and my brother after he divorced and he left us in the year 2000, i was 11 Years old and i remind me at every thing that happend at the time he leave, and it depressed me really.

I mean he left my mum for some problems and all this, but he still has kids that want to see him, i couldnt really understand why he dint want to stay in contact with us , my brother doesnt care this really, he hate him really … I also said pretty often what an asshole he is that i hate him for that what he all did but at times like this at the moment christmas and all this i miss these Father figure, i saw him the last time for over 12 Years.

Its hard for me still now, i start to forget how he really look like and at some times we shared theres just a few left, he is my father and i cant understand why he dont want to stay in contact with me ??

am i such a Bad daughter ??

 

Am i not worth it to be a good daughter or wish my Dad at my site ?

Theres a lot of questions in my head and i cant find an anwear for this ?  A  couple times i thought about it to write him a letter, i have his adress for a lawyer fight against him and me for a couple years .. But what should i write , what should i say …

What is when he dont want any contact with me, or anything else, im scared about this, sure we have no contact now but what if when hes also scared to write me after all this ? I Dont know what to do.

I tried in the last days a couple times to start writing him a letter but i didnt know how to start .. i cant find the words that i wanna say, i cant put this whats in my head on the paper, and who said that hes gonna answear me ?

When i see all the Happy Familys i wish i would have also a Family like this, just being loved for that what i am and dont need to break my head about question where i might be never get an answear for ?

All what i want is a Happy Family, where just love excist and not hate or fake aunts/uncles im sick of shit like this.

…. Just a Happy Family thats all 😦

One Person who i love more then anthing else, she is one of what i call the most precious at life

Hey People

After years of having just a few Honest friends and more as enough shot and Fake friends im Glad i found a Girl that i can trust, i can trust her completly, i didnt thought that i find this Girl, i give it up to find a person that i can talk about my thought my worries and my past, and that she would understand me in all ways.

In the Soceity now its hard to find really honest people who you can trust and that they love you for that what your are and not that what you shine to be. A Persone that see the Person in your Heart you dont need to say anything, she always know that you feel shit and she try everything to help you of all of this out, She try everything.

She is for me one of the Most precious people in my life, the life is not living worth it without her, i just know her since a Year and between us are almost 7 years but i can describe it, she ist that girl that i search for me entire life, a life that was hard and dark.

No one really cares about me or what happend with my or whats going on in me until i found her, at the beginning she was also just a Fan of our both Favorit Band, but now she is my love , my life the person i call sister and family.

We had in the last few weeks a hard time, we dindt talk much cause i feel myself a bit set aside cuase she found an other girl thats she talked a lot to and all what i saw and read was love ou more than anything else and stuff like this, and at this time the worrrys in me was back, can i really trust her and all this but she proofs me that i dont need to worry.

She loves me actually that much i love and adore. We both had a hard past but together we gettin through this so much stronger and can learn from all of this.

I Dont know how much i can thank you Sophie i really dont know, the only thing i know is that i really miss you and im thankful to have you by my side at times like this ones at the moment.

Im always there for you no matter what time or what ever im always there until we die xxx

I Love you Sister xxx

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a Friendship means …

Hello People

a short little blog

True and Honest Friendship is for me really important, to have some people around me that i can trust 100% and care about. A freindship means for me to care about each other and be there when someone need the other one, to talk about everything with these person, and to trust this person completly
In the year of 2012 a friendship is not really the same anymore i mean, some people doesnt really appreciate a friendship really or doesnt really know what a true and honest friendship means, and its really hard to find here with this socetiy really honest friends, it gave a lot of fakers in the world, when you ask me, actually to much ! We all had or still have those friends

who just care about themselfes, just this is important what giong on in his life, about he cared and what he do, and what happend with us or about we care is not that important, and honestly give a shot about those people, they are shit everyone deserve friends who care also about you, and be there for you. Its sometimes really hard to find these special friends in the world but its always worth it to still search, someday you all find these amazing people,

who are meant to you , cause everyone in the world has those people and when you found them you wil have them for the rest of your life trust me, dont give up to search, after so much shit friends i found those who i will never ever let go, i promise

xx Sarah

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