222 Days Clean

Hey People,

I cant really tell you why im here right now and writing this down … i just thought i just should check my WordPress blog and i saw theres still people who reading some of my old Blogpost and i thought you might should “update” it with a new post … i tried it once a few month ago but it wasnt the right time …

Well as some of my readers know i had a really bad time in the past with suicide thougths and other stuff  … its been a while since i updated cause i really needed to figure out in which way my life shpuld turn cause i know it cant end here …. people helped my through this time and im thankfull for this even when im not close to some of them anymore … Nevermind

Well its been a while now and it changed alot of things.

I start working in a complete new place with people who i love to work with i dont get panic attacks anymore when im on my way at work, i meet so many kind people there and im finally happy to find a new Job like that … yeah sometimes i hate it to work but who doesnt ;).

What else changed … well i start and still try to see things not to bad as i did in the past, sure theres always days where i fall back into my old mood but i have people around me or on the internet who cheer me up and to stop me to do bad things and im so happy that i have them in my life now… i never thought that my life really changed that much in the last 2 years. Mostly it changed cause i meet people like them. To look back now, to see old post .. i dont know i get a really weird feeling about it.

If someone told me that i change that much in 2 years i wouldnt believed him to be honest, i really start to kind of enjoy life, i love to laugh abput things, i opened myself infront of people about everything and it feelt good, i just need to get up always when i fall, i just need to remind myself theres people who care and always will.

Theres so much negativity in the world its so sad to see people killing themself, getting depressed or giving up … i know trust me i know how fucking hard life can be and how unfair, but see ive made it through this, its a hard battle against mostly with yourself, but you will be proud about the point tha you´ve made it and you getting stronger day by day and theres people who love you …

and its never lame or weak to search for help never forget sometimes we cant win the battle alone so we nee to get help and thoose people will help you to love yourself because your life is precious, all of your life is it.

Im clean now for 222 Days its may not much i know but for me its enough, im proud that ive made it so far and i will made it to a whole year …

Dont give up if you having a fight just message me im here ❤

dont forget your life is precious

x Sarah

“The Society Perfect”

Hey People

We all know that the “Society” want to show us the perfect look of a Human, how you need to look like, how you need to act and all this stuff. In the past weeks i start reading a few blogs and article about all this.

Every single article has the same “beauty things” which a human need to have to be perfect for the “Society”.

  • You Need to be Tall
  • You Need to be Skinny ( Size Zero would be perfect )
  • Long Hair
  • The perfect Skin

But this are just a few things that seems to be important to be “perfect”. Well i scrolled a few times in some social networks around and try to find a few points what the normal people on the world think what is beauty and how do you need to look like, sure theres a lot of people who aggree these points of being skinny, tall and all this but theres a group of growing up boys and girls who defently dont think like this, for them it just counts

  • You Need to have a nice and sweet personality
  • You Need to know what you want in your life
  • You Need to love to spent time with your friends and family
  • You Need to enjoy your life and live it without regrets

These are things that we normal people call beauty. We are all diffrent every single human we are

  • Skinny, Chubby, Fat
  • Short or Tall
  • Blond, Brown, Orange/Red, Blue or anything else 🙂
  • White, Brown or Black

We shouldnt define our beauty about a scala that the Society seems to show us to look perfect, but when we are honest theres people they are healthy Skinny thats totally okay but theres also people who deals with Anorexia just to be Skinny and look like the perfect Woman or Men, to have Anorexia is a really bad thing that in the past year more and more Girls/Boys need to deal with they grow up in a world wheres the important point to be Skinny and Beautiful.

They dont have to choice to see from themself how beautiful they actually are and that they dont need to change themself for anyone, no theres the Social “Society Perfect” and just this seems to important.

To have a Jeans size 0 seems more important as to have a wonderfull time in Highschool with friends, or going out for a Dinner with Someone. More and more people are falling in a black hole cause they want to be accept from thoose other “beautiful called” people and do almost everything just be with them, even then when the last Stop over the Anorexia is the Dead.

The Numbers of dead people who dealed with Anorexia are between 10-15% of the entire mankind, and every year theres more people who think Anorexia is the last point to loose weight just to be perfect.

The exact number of people worldwide whos suffer against or with Anorexia are not 100 % right cause not all people are on a List but News Sites are saying that every 10. person on the world is suffering with or against Anorexia. 

A number that should scare us all, or it should scares us all.

But we shouldnt forget that not just the ( Eating disorder ) is something that people need to deal with no theres many more ways how people go their ways to be “perfect” or sometimes how they fai.

With fail i mean the Suicide who ends always with dead or the Self-harm.

People who seems to think they have never any chance to look perfect or accept by people how they look like, need to find a way to deal with these many emotions whats i this moment is in them, they try to find something to let all this out and Cutting are sometime the “easiest way”.

I Dont wanna say its good no not at all who is a ready of my Blog knows im also dealing with Self-Harm. I Just want to make clear here that we need to be “society perfect” we are already perfect in our own way.

The Numbers of people who commit suicide climb in the past years and also thoose from people who Self-Harm.

Its been said that every 5 mins someone in the world commit Suicide, these numbers are not 100% then sadly some people are never found or just days/weeks or years later.

I dont wanna say that everyone who commit suicide did this just to be perfect, no theres mayn other reasons, i just wanna show here some numbers of these sad ways.

Sadly when you dont look the “society perfect” people think that they could start bulling you just about the fact your seems to be not perfect but you ARE.

I think the Society would never Change their view about being and look perfect in their way, but maybe we all can see in the mirror look at us and start to Love what we see and we all dont want to be something or someone else.

We are all Beautifull in our own way, we are all diffrent and this is right how weird would the world be when we look all like the same person. These things they diffrent between us all make us to something special, your friends ot people who love you family maybe, they love maybe your own Nose how she look or your bright brown eyes ?.

We all get Loved by people around us cause they see us as a perfect human, the society is just a word in a news paper or a word in the Designer Magazins. But we are all better as just a stupid world.

So Look in the Mirror and see yourself with a complete diffrent view of yourself,you are perfect trust me :).

… At the end i just wanna say i dont want to affect against anyone not the skinny ones or the people who wear the size 0 I just want to show here my side and my View how i think about all this, and this here is just this what i think and need to be said, thats it ….

Xo Sarah tumblr_mp6gtuePMf1rfyy5po1_400

The New Year … Better and happier ?

Hey Peeps,

Im sorry that i was not really online/blog in the beginning of the new year but i need to clear up somethings and all this. I Hope you all had an lovley New Years Eve. 🙂

Well the last year is over, all the drama, the cry days, the days we lost the hope, the faith everything are done. But does this also directly mean this year gonna be a better and happier year ? Well i cant answear this really ..

In the last days i took some time to look over all m blogs that ive wrote and sadly the bad mood was a big part of all these blogs, i had a lot of down in the last year, honestly almost the whole year 2012 was a bad mood year, all the self-harm days, the sucide thought all this .. it was probertly not the best side of me that i show you all here im sorry for that, i tried to write these like a little diar of my life to try to help some people that they are not alone with some thought or some things that happend, it gave so much hate and sadness in the world no one needs to be alone we all need people around who help us an be there for us.

Well the New year is here and i dont really have some things/wishes for the new year, i just try my best to get away from all these bad mood days, the suicide thought and the cut parts, it would be all not easy i now this, but i try to see the

world from a whole diffrent side to see all this a little bitt lighter as it is more colour and try to enjoy the days they i spent here on the world, the life is something that we all need to appreciate and be thankful for it (Unbelievable that i say this 🙂 ), i have wonderfull people like elli, claudi ,tiffy. sophie, biene, jenny, moni and sarina around me who love t spent as much as time together, for them i try to dont give up, to smile more, just being happy.

You see the wolrdl ike you wanna see them sure it gaves a lot shit and bitches in the world but give a shit about them, they are just not in comming with themself the have issues and try to hide them and start annoying and bully you, they dont know how hard the life can be, dont listen to this what they say ot do, give a shit, just smile and think im better as her million times better 🙂 .

Dont give up it gave a lot of things to breathe and to enjoy the life, so go out and show the world your beautifull smile

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ps: I dont wanna say that i dont write anymore some bad mood blog we all have sometimes a really really bad day, but i try to see my life in a diffrent view and make it happier as it was 🙂

xx sarah 🙂

My Year 2012 a little review of my life 2012

Hey People,

The last days are here of the Year 2012, what a Year, a lot of happend this year, some good things and some bad things.

I thought a few times about it to write it all down as a little flashback from the Year or a review, might it would be a long one so beware of reading alot.

I collected the year into the month and write all what happend from month to month.

January :

A New Year a new Journey ? In January i bought my concert tickets for the Show from the Boys Sons of Midnight, at this time i didnt thought how important they would be for me. The January was actually a really quiet month i talked a few times with Tiffany and Sophie via Social Networks at my Birthday on the 25. Ive Recived a little Happy Birthday post from the boys (SoM). That was really sweet of them. I was so excited about their very first own show at the 02.02.2012 at the Blue Shell in cologne.

Febuary :

At the 02.02.2012 i finally meet after a few writing messages  Tiffy and Sophie, it was amazing to meet them finally in real. Now i can sa im thankfull for having them in my life ( my Sisters ), we all were so excited to see and meet the boys, the Show was amazing, they had a support act called Benjrose a boys from cologne prett good. After the show all Fans meet the boys for some photos and Autographs but it was really akward that they all know my name haha a weird moment in my life. The Sold there a few Ep Singles with some accoustic songs, the manager didnt stopped to ask me if i want some so at the end i bought 6 of it *haha*. After that night i was on my way home and felt directly in my bad to sleep, at the next day they played a accoustic session in cologne at the Sportcheck, id was on my way with my Friend Monika and meet there Aileen, Sabine, Jess and Sophie. At the Accoustic session the played 2 Songs “The Fire and Never Again”. The Sportcheck where there played filmed it an put it on their online page, here the link,

—> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWBbCrnxlPU <—-

These 2 Days was Incedible, i hoped to see them soon back. Almost a week ago they announced the Tourdates as a Supportact from Livingston, i was so excited, me and Sabine decided to go not just to the cologne show, we also went to the Show in Berlin, the first and the last show of the tour. At the end of Febuary they Released the First Single “The Fire” i bought directly 3 Copys to Support them as much as i can. The First time after Years that i bought Singles.

March:

The Dates was here, the released of their selfname titled Album, i was so excited and happy i couldnt find really the words how happy i was. Unfortently at the same time i start hated to go to work i didnt felt myself very welcome there, i cant desribe exactly how but it was weird to go to work. It was very stressfull and annoying to work with a Boss that has no sense of being a boss. at the end of March i saw my Babs back “Simple Plan” since the beginning a huge Fan of them, unfortently i see them just all 2 years when i have luck they didnt tour a lot in the last years. I was there with an amazing friend called Sarina and i meet there also Sabine, we 3 had so much fun we sit all the time and the boys laugh all the time about us i think because we sit all the time.

April :

What a Stressfull Month i mean im a Florist and it was Eastern, a lot of stress at work. But i was looking forward to the Tour of my Boys. The Boys brought a friend of them with on Tour called Jimmy,hes is one of the craziest dudes i know seriously i scream all the time “Tequila, tequila” what a funny and weird dude. The Cologne Show was amazing we stand in the fron Row ( Tiffy, Sophie, Me, Julia, Sabine, Jessy and Beccy after their performance we leave the front Row ans walked to the Merch stand where the boys was we talked a lot and bought their Shirt what they made. Me and Sabine told the Boys that we also planned to come to the Berlin show they were pretty happy *haha*. We took a Airplane to flight to Berlin, we spent the weekend there, at the Berlin show weve meet Claudi, Elli and Nadine, so sweet Girls. It took a bit of time before we started to talk a lot . The Berlin Show was funny we all Entertained the boys alot with our Jokes adn Everything *haha* it was an amazing night. at the next day was luckly Sunday everything opend and we meet in the city Claudi , Nadine and Elli we spent a few hours in the City, before we leaved berling to fligh back to cologne. Mitchell send me a little Tweet with “Safe Flight back to cologne Girls” this was so sweet.

May :

Back to work, back to the Stress called Mothersday, it was so hard at this day unbelievable. They bought Flowers, omg i didnt know that so many people could buy Flowers *haha*. Luckly a Family fest announced that Sons of Midnight gonna perform there in 6 citys. I was so happy and excited and hoped that i could to some of these shows, they played just 35 mins but hey they played there. The Fest stopped in “Hamburg, Bad Vilbel, Munich, Berlin, Mannheim and Düsseldorf. Unfortently it was all the time a Saturday so i prayed that i get free on these days.

June :

Finally it happends ive got my First Tattoo at the 06.06.at 6oclock * haha*, for me the Tattoo has a special meaning and its very Important just a few people knows the really meaning of it just those who need to know it, i dont care what the other say. Luckly i had Holidays for 2 Weeks and had the chance to go to both Rewe Shows in Hamburg and Bad Vilbel. I Spent 2 weeks in Berlin with my Girls Claudi and Elli, we girls travelled alot throught whole Germany. Ive meet the Girls in Hamburg with Claudis brother Anton, hes such a sweetheart really :). We had a lot of fun at these festival, we was all so happy to see the boys, gladly i had the chance to go with a good friend called, Rabea to a Meet and Greet with the boys we said hello and all that and then i showed them the suprise, my Tattoo, they were shocked and happy at the same time haha. I ask Matt to get Elli, Claudi and Anton and we get them in, we had a lot of fun talked alot and said see you soon in Bad Vilbel. It was an Wonderfull day sadly we had a Car drive of 3 Hours left, but we was happy. After that long drive we fall all driectly in our beds. I Spent some amazing times in Berlin after a Week we packed our bags and drived to Bad Vilbel aka Frankfurt

Me Claudi and Elli took a Hotel to spend 2 night n Frankfurt cause sadyl just Elli had a Drving lesson, and it would be to much when she need to drive so long ways at 2 days. We had a lot of fun in the hotel i kinda miss it to fall asleep right next to my Missy and my Claudi. We meet in Bad Vilbel Sophie and Tiffy to Fangirl together for our boys. We had again the chance to met the boys at the Meet and Greet. Unfortently after a lot of Drama from other people htere were also some Security guys, we all thought okay this is ridicioulus but okay. We laugh about this. The boys played at this time Superman for the First time i think and i love this song its not my Fave but one i truly love. After that perfomance we need to say Goodbye to Tiffy and Sophie :(. They drived back home and we others back in the Hotel for some sleep. At the next day we drived back. i had 5 days left in Berlin and then i took my train back home to cologne. I was really sad about this my heart is and always will be in Berlin.

July :

That what ive never expected happends i lost my Job, at one site i was happy cause it was not even that anymore what is was, it was just stressfull and ive got sick of working lost a lot of weight didnt eat anymore and all this i was from the other site to lost them. It was not the right job. In July there was the next Rewe Family Show this time in Tiffys near in Munich. Elli and Claudi came with the car and i took a carpool tp get to Tiffy. I was happy to see her again :). We talked a lot in the middle of the night finally Elli and Claudi arrived. I cant rememeber how long we were awake but we didnt sleep alot, we put our clothes on and picked up Sabine at the train station. Together we drived 2 Hours to Munich, luckly we meet them again at the meet and greet we never had that much meet and greets in our life hahha always fun. It was so hot there unbelievable, but blue sky, beautiful Show, everything was perfect, after the day we spent in Munich be drove back and fall directly in our bed to leave Tiff at the next day 😦 Such a awfull goodybe, miss my Tiffy. At the end of Jul the Rewe Festival stopped in Berlin that means off to Berlin  *haha* my second home. I slept by Nadine we drunk  alot of alcohol i cant really remember what all happend, but i know no more Jägermeister. We met Elli +Mum, Claudi + Mum, Sarah at the Stage i missed this girls so bad and claudis mummy :(. Unfortently we didnt got an meet and greet but the boys came out for us :). Show awesome like always :). After that the boys came out we talked again alot it was so sweet. At the next day Goodbye from Berlin again, i miss my home.

August :

The Last Rewe, the last time we see this year our Boys it was so sad i baked a cake for Mitch, he ask all the time to get an Rainbow cake so i did one for him haha i also had some Jack Daniels in my bag and a beerfass of 5 Liter. I also did a little present for them a book with memories, that they never forget the days we spent together, we Fangirl a lot we was there with Tiffy, Sophie, Julia, Zuzanna, Gina, Sophies brother and Mum, Veronique. We had alot of fun there. after they show they came out we all said goodbye, me and Gina spent some more time with them Backstage. It was an amazing day nothing can beat that, we bought the boys at the next day to the airport it was hard to say goodbye to get some kisses and hugs for the last time, really hard, cause i know this is the last time for this year. It was a hard time after that i missed the boys really 😦 the and the girls are like m Family, att he time i missed them a lot i start writing these blog here to put all what i thought and what i think down.

Septembre :

I felt myself useless, i lost my job and was not really happy or postiv about the fact that i would find a new one, i van call this that i fall in a bad depression, start cutting again, the bad mood was back and it didnt left me soon, i dont know what i could do or what should i do i just layed on my bed and was sad and depressed the whole month.

Oktober :

At the beginning it was the same i didnt saw an end if all this i wrote a few blogs about whats going on, that was all that ive done, i wasnt really often outside, on the street or out with friends, i was at home and done nothing. At the end of Octobere there was a little light at the end i spend my favorit holiday season with 2 of my lovley friends Sophie and Jessy we had so much fun together for the first time i felt myself happy again i love to spend some time with my girls.

Novembre :

The Stress begun, the days are counting till christmass just over a Month, i start to look forward to think about my future and what i really want and wanna do. At the middle of Novembre i had a concert to look forward to, it was an amazing evening i was there with nadja and jessy we had a lot of fun weve meet the supportband and the Band Called The Used the frontman bert MCCracken is such a sweet guy he is so lovley. We talked a bit took a picture and ive got some autograph it was an lovles evening.

Dezember :

The Last Month of the year, and the most stressful one *haha* i mean hey its christmas the people freak out to get some present cook some delicious stuff at christmas and all this. I wrote some good and bad Blog at this month i tried to write about a lot what im thinking about and all this. I Missed m girls and my Boys at this time the most, my family, those who i love the most, its hard when you know them some of them 15.000 km far away and my girls in whole germany, the life cant be good to us, but i love it that i found them this year, i never wanna miss them again i love them too much.

So this is it i think i tried to write everything down about what im still remember it, the life wasnt really easy this year for me i had a few time where i thought to give up, to end my life, but there was people the stopped me, i gave promises that i still fight and be strong. All what i can say the life can be a bitch, but we must stay strong the soceity is the biggest fake on earth dont believe what she wants to tell you, she lie about whos perfect, who look flawless and all this. Everyone is beautiful in their own way trust me  🙂 Chin up and smile

Thank you all for reading my blog its unbelievable how many people start reading my blogs and follow thank you fro everything what you gave me in this year, i love you all and wish you all a wonderfull 2013 its time that we all get a good year

xxx Sarah

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Burned Out, numb and sick of still living here, just let me die please

Hey ….

I cant desribe what i feel right know or what i should feel, all what i feel is pain, hate, and being alone, today was the Funeral of a close friend of the Family, this shows me again how fast and easy the life can be end, and how often i wish i could go this way,

just the last breathe through my lungs, the last blood trough my venes, the last word from my lips, the last hearbeat …

I feel myself like burned out, nothing cares anymore like i would be numb, honestly i cant really describe it, theres something in me what cares but otherwise for what just to be there to say goodbye to loved people im sick of this, the last 3 years every year again, me and my family need to say goodbye to our love ones, i want that this end now, im sick of staying in front of the grave to say the last goodbye, im sick of feeling how the tears running through my face and over my cheecks, why cant this end a year without saying goodbyes to people, is this wish to much ?

I just want to have some rest time with thoose who i love for that what the are but the truth is my Uncle is really sick and he could die each day, his neck aorta is so thin that they could rip every moment, im scared to loose him 2013, i dont know how i could stand this, he that whos still in my family, hes my uncle who i love the most.

When people leave me like this without sharing some rest beautiful moments, its not fair, the life isnt really fair.

Theres people who get every thing and theres me and some other who need to fight for everything, to be worried about everything und need to say goodbye to soon in our lifes, we are like all other humans with heart and i think we all deserve to have some left time with thoose who we love, i dont wanna stand again in front of a grave to say goodbye, i wouldnt survive this goodbye, so when god mean to take all those from me then please take me with them, for what should i still be there ?

When those who i love are all together without me, at a place where we all could be happy together, this sounds like paradies, the place where i belong to and where i could be happy.

Seriously the last days i had alot of thinking about in my head, theres not a llot people who would miss me or would care about me. Some of those dont know how i feel, what i wanna say all the time.

I m like num the only thing thing what i feel is when the blade rush trough my skin, the blood runs trough my body, this all what i feel and it would never change it, nobody cares whats going on.

Sometimes i regret it to take the pills for a few month just the last step out of all this what some called LIFE, it would be all much easier when im not here anymore, the blade just help me in the moment maybe some minutes but when when the blood stop running theres the life back of hate, bullying, being fucked up ad being alone where no one cares  ….

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life ?

My Soul is one of those that never can be fixed

Sarah

 

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Dont look away when people start cutting, get bullied do Something !

Hey People,

In the last week i saw something, that i couldnt understand, i couldnt understand people who start telling others on social places like twitter, that it would be better to kill yourself, and that your re ugly not worth it to live and all this, i didnt recive that messages i just saw it and start talking to the bullyied girl to let her know that she dont need to believe that shit what these other girl start talking about, and then i wrote a message to this girls who start sending these tweets out.

All what she wrote me was, she is not worth it to live, shes ugly fat and stupid,

I was never that shocked honestly i told her to stopped this cause its never OKAY !! to tell people this everyone has feelings and this one of the most awfull things that ou get called, i mean how would you feel when someone start sending you tweets or messages all the time to get called, fat, ugly, die, stupid or whatever.

ITS NOT OKAY !!!!

But this was not the only thing i saw in the last weeks i heard it pretty often in the tv , radio or saw it here on the internet that more and more people start to kill themself , start cutting, or stopped eating. Well i just can say im not perfect i fight by myslef against so much and its always hard to stay strong, but we must stay strong we cang give up, for some of “us” the life is always a fight against other or against ourself, its hard i know that, but please when you need help then search for some.

Its not bad to go to a special doctor to talk about your problems, he can help, sometimes we dont find a way out these people can help alot. Please trust me.

The live is something so special for each of us, we just have this one, and we need to take care of it, it could be end that fast, everyday happend something really special, you meet through your life so many diffrent people, you see alot of new things, somewhere you fall in love, you have your family at your site (bloodfamiily or friendsfamily) it doesnt care cause these people love you for this what you are and not what the soceity start to talking about .

Everyone is Beautiful and worth it to live dont give up, sta strong for you and for thoose that you love. and when you fall back into your old mood /puke out the stuff that youve eat or start cutting) its something what happend in our life but we can always go stronger out of this. together we can reach allot.

When you think you are alone and dont have someone to talk to … Write me, i listen to you and try to help you i know how hard the life can be, its still hard but i try my best to look forward.

xx sarah

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I Hate it what happen for 12 Years, the family break at this time but he is and always will be my Dad and i kinda miss him :(

Dad and me    Hey ….

I dont know how to say this here, i dont know whats really going in at the moment with my feelings and all this, but i remind myself in the last days pretty often to the times were my Family where together my mum, my dad and my brother.

He did a lot bad things, nothing that i ever could forgive, or really understand.

No one in my family or in my friends base does really know what all happend, it was a hard time for me my mum  and my brother after he divorced and he left us in the year 2000, i was 11 Years old and i remind me at every thing that happend at the time he leave, and it depressed me really.

I mean he left my mum for some problems and all this, but he still has kids that want to see him, i couldnt really understand why he dint want to stay in contact with us , my brother doesnt care this really, he hate him really … I also said pretty often what an asshole he is that i hate him for that what he all did but at times like this at the moment christmas and all this i miss these Father figure, i saw him the last time for over 12 Years.

Its hard for me still now, i start to forget how he really look like and at some times we shared theres just a few left, he is my father and i cant understand why he dont want to stay in contact with me ??

am i such a Bad daughter ??

 

Am i not worth it to be a good daughter or wish my Dad at my site ?

Theres a lot of questions in my head and i cant find an anwear for this ?  A  couple times i thought about it to write him a letter, i have his adress for a lawyer fight against him and me for a couple years .. But what should i write , what should i say …

What is when he dont want any contact with me, or anything else, im scared about this, sure we have no contact now but what if when hes also scared to write me after all this ? I Dont know what to do.

I tried in the last days a couple times to start writing him a letter but i didnt know how to start .. i cant find the words that i wanna say, i cant put this whats in my head on the paper, and who said that hes gonna answear me ?

When i see all the Happy Familys i wish i would have also a Family like this, just being loved for that what i am and dont need to break my head about question where i might be never get an answear for ?

All what i want is a Happy Family, where just love excist and not hate or fake aunts/uncles im sick of shit like this.

…. Just a Happy Family thats all 😦

This Year gave me the best gifts ive ever could wish for .. My Sisters ..

Hey People

I Post in the next a lot cause the year is almost over and a new chapter begins so i want to say some last few things.

This Year gave me so much reasons to fight for in the future, things ive never thought to find or having or to call my life, my family.

Its hard to trust people when you had so much drama in the past with some old “friends” or people that you know, you are careful who you can trust and who not.

At the beginning of 2012 i thought okay another year but i dont thought really that i gonna find people that i gonna love, and adore that much. After i learned how mean people can be and being hated for that what i am, i never thought this really never,

And that why im so thankfull for this that i found people that i call family, people i care about and people i want to be there for. People who i love more as my life. My Love, my sisters.

i Cant describe how all this happend, or how it easy it changed the way of strangers to friends to Sisters, it all happend, and im glad that it did, i just reminder at the first that as i all meet them in real Tiffy and Sophie (own blogpost) 02.02.2012 at the cologne show Sabine 03.02.2012 at a little accoustic session of our boys, Elli and Claudi at the 28 April with Sabine in Berlin. At this times we where Strangers and know we never could live without the others ( in my opinion .

When i would think now about it that, i must live without anyone of them, this would break my heart, everyone of these girls have a special place in m heart. In  the last few weeks i really was worried about this if it was still all good and okay between us, i took a lot of time outs from the chat group to clear my mind to see what i already love about them. But i couldnt focus my mind, i felt myself a bit gone under or better said ignored.

I cant say why really and at which times it was just a feeling that i had and i was really sad at time, and dindt know what to do. Now its all amost back where it was we all talk and it seems to get back to the good times.

I Love this girls to much to give up so easy .. Theres ..

Claudi,

I realyy miss claudi, the conversation that we had, i miss her smile her laugh hte lovley hugs when i start crying.. gosch i really miss her, we both had so much weird stuff in common, we both adore horror movies and all this i coud talk with her about everything, we laugh a lot at our skype sessions, we had a lot of crazy skype sessions i miss all tis really bad.

Tiffy,

My Lovley Tiffy, my Atl/Pink girl, im glad she finally has some luck after all this what happend, i miss her akzent , her laugh, just the whole Tiffy, why we live so far away from each other its not fair. I miss to talk with you, its like we didnt alk much in the last few weeks its like i wouldnt know you anmore and this breaks my heart :(. i want the old times with you back i miss you

Elli

My Owl addicted, cuddle loveing girl, i miss the fact how do oyu sleep right next to me it was just 2 days but i miss it, the time that we shared, your voice, smile laugh everything it kills me thta i cant have you here by me, to have you not around me is so hard, we had so much fun in these8 month some good times and some bad times, but i dont wanna miss one thing, i want you back at m side to cuddle you or just to talk to you like it was in the past :(.

Sabine

I miss you, sure we talk a lot via phone but its not the same 😦 i miss you really, all this without ou is not the same, defently not, i hope i can see you this friday at the christmas market here in cologne i really hope it the last we saw us was at the shopping time with sophie i miss times like this one 😦 we all miss you

Girls i miss you all so terrible and want you all as soon as possible back at my site really soon :(. I Want my Sisters back 😦

Love you so much xxx

cats

One Person who i love more then anthing else, she is one of what i call the most precious at life

Hey People

After years of having just a few Honest friends and more as enough shot and Fake friends im Glad i found a Girl that i can trust, i can trust her completly, i didnt thought that i find this Girl, i give it up to find a person that i can talk about my thought my worries and my past, and that she would understand me in all ways.

In the Soceity now its hard to find really honest people who you can trust and that they love you for that what your are and not that what you shine to be. A Persone that see the Person in your Heart you dont need to say anything, she always know that you feel shit and she try everything to help you of all of this out, She try everything.

She is for me one of the Most precious people in my life, the life is not living worth it without her, i just know her since a Year and between us are almost 7 years but i can describe it, she ist that girl that i search for me entire life, a life that was hard and dark.

No one really cares about me or what happend with my or whats going on in me until i found her, at the beginning she was also just a Fan of our both Favorit Band, but now she is my love , my life the person i call sister and family.

We had in the last few weeks a hard time, we dindt talk much cause i feel myself a bit set aside cuase she found an other girl thats she talked a lot to and all what i saw and read was love ou more than anything else and stuff like this, and at this time the worrrys in me was back, can i really trust her and all this but she proofs me that i dont need to worry.

She loves me actually that much i love and adore. We both had a hard past but together we gettin through this so much stronger and can learn from all of this.

I Dont know how much i can thank you Sophie i really dont know, the only thing i know is that i really miss you and im thankful to have you by my side at times like this ones at the moment.

Im always there for you no matter what time or what ever im always there until we die xxx

I Love you Sister xxx

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Missing people for so long the last time i saw them for 128 days ago …

Hello Peeps,

Who knows that feeling to miss people really bad that its actually hurts ? People who you really deeply love and care about, to miss them since such  a long time and always wishing that they come back to you as soon as possible ?

Might some of you understand what i mean im writing about a Band, for me they are not reall just a Band they are my life and my Family, we spent this year so much time together after shows and all this and they became for me to some of my most Important people around me, sure it gave in the past some ups and downs but this is completly normals in the life of having people around you who you love. For me these Band is More then just a BAND.

When you start to share some privat time with some others with the Band, start talking about really serious stuff and some privat things you really start loving them for so many reasons, they understands you about what you ve been going throught or still do and they wanna see how you really are and start talking with you about so many diffrent things. They know stuff about you that some others never would know, and then the leave the land where you live and flight back home to share some time with they friends and family there.

At the beginning it wasnt that bad these missing feeling, i was happy for them to see their family back they friends to spend some awesome times with them cause they didnt saw them pretty often the last year, what is actually really sad is, a lot people wanna have the people who they love around themself, i can understand this, well and Australia ist 100% warmer then here in Germany or Sweden,i mean here is now almost winter with -10 degrees or more and in Australia its Summer. Haha

I think a few of my readers understand what i wanna say with these and know sometimes, how hard it is to miss a Band, who gave you reasons back to live, to fight and to trust again, to be happy about some things and getting new friends.

It gave a a lot of diffrent ways to love and be connected with a Band some of these are just from one site and some other are from both sites, this situations is sometimes a little bit difficult, and then there are these people you need to be care about what you really say when they are around you cause they start spreading rumours just about the fact of being Jeleous.

But this is not what i wanna say here in this blog, actually this blog is just here fo gave you a little piece and view whats going on right now in my lofe and how much i miss my boys from Sons of Midnight.

I cant really Believe thats alread 128 days ago i saw them the last time, the time run so fast, its unbelievable :-O .. In the last few weeks these missing part in me getting bigger and bigger and it really starts to hurt, i mean they mean me so much and it maybe sound weird but i miss so much things when i share some time with time , just little things like

— Give me hug, hey Sarah, these aussie slang, the sarcasm, the laugh , the smile, the conversations, just the fact they was there —

For some outside standing people might some akward or whatever but those who know what i mean they understand this, to miss everything whats was around you …

I never thought that i could “Love” a Band like this, really i never thought that, but honestly im thankfull that ive meet these wonderfull boys and know them now so much better, and that im be on a journey called live with my boys and with my wonderfull girls around me, i know with these people on my site and my little family i can survive everything cause they gave and give me the strenght that i need to get through so many things.

The Miss feeling will stay for a few weeks i think but im so excited and happy when i finally see them back and hug them and all this,

and then i never let them so easy go not without a bunch of hugs for the time when i start missing them again.

Let me know when you feel sometimes like the same as i did right know and what do you do against this missing feeling  ??

XX Sarah

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