222 Days Clean

Hey People,

I cant really tell you why im here right now and writing this down … i just thought i just should check my WordPress blog and i saw theres still people who reading some of my old Blogpost and i thought you might should “update” it with a new post … i tried it once a few month ago but it wasnt the right time …

Well as some of my readers know i had a really bad time in the past with suicide thougths and other stuff  … its been a while since i updated cause i really needed to figure out in which way my life shpuld turn cause i know it cant end here …. people helped my through this time and im thankfull for this even when im not close to some of them anymore … Nevermind

Well its been a while now and it changed alot of things.

I start working in a complete new place with people who i love to work with i dont get panic attacks anymore when im on my way at work, i meet so many kind people there and im finally happy to find a new Job like that … yeah sometimes i hate it to work but who doesnt ;).

What else changed … well i start and still try to see things not to bad as i did in the past, sure theres always days where i fall back into my old mood but i have people around me or on the internet who cheer me up and to stop me to do bad things and im so happy that i have them in my life now… i never thought that my life really changed that much in the last 2 years. Mostly it changed cause i meet people like them. To look back now, to see old post .. i dont know i get a really weird feeling about it.

If someone told me that i change that much in 2 years i wouldnt believed him to be honest, i really start to kind of enjoy life, i love to laugh abput things, i opened myself infront of people about everything and it feelt good, i just need to get up always when i fall, i just need to remind myself theres people who care and always will.

Theres so much negativity in the world its so sad to see people killing themself, getting depressed or giving up … i know trust me i know how fucking hard life can be and how unfair, but see ive made it through this, its a hard battle against mostly with yourself, but you will be proud about the point tha you´ve made it and you getting stronger day by day and theres people who love you …

and its never lame or weak to search for help never forget sometimes we cant win the battle alone so we nee to get help and thoose people will help you to love yourself because your life is precious, all of your life is it.

Im clean now for 222 Days its may not much i know but for me its enough, im proud that ive made it so far and i will made it to a whole year …

Dont give up if you having a fight just message me im here ❤

dont forget your life is precious

x Sarah

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LifeSaver

 

Hey World,

We all know how it feels it be alone, no ones there to talk to, or someone you can call or anything else. For people like us it can be a really dangerous situation, we are not save in situations likes this, we always try or even promise to stay strong but sometimes, our thoughts are louder that any promise we ever gave.

For us every dark situation, every bad thoughts are a non stop battle against ourself, we alwas try to win but sometimes we need to accept that we loose. We all have or might had a lot of battles against ourself or still batteling, its a never ending fight. In times like this some dont really know what they want for me personally i wish i could write a person that i need them in this time really bad ( might some of you feel the same ) but i cant, i was never a person who asked for help or anything.

Over the past month and years i become to an really god actor to play the perfect role, the perfekt smile happy face to show yeah of course everything is fine i put my mask on and played the game but at the inside i was dying everytime a little bit more.

Sometime people ask me if im ok or not, but even then i lie to them cause i dont want that they know about my real problems whats ive been battle against, or whats in my head and in my mind, i was 2 times at the point to give them all an end, 2 fucking time, sometimes i sit at a train station and think well one jump and its over .. just one step …

But then i remind myself abput something, theres something that helped always when i feel bad and alone and when no friend is there, its the music for me something really important, she is always with me and i know which song i need to choose, i know which band helps me with their lyrics, its like they understand me, what ive been going through or all what thinking about in this situation they are there for this moment and they say these words that i need, Bands like

– Simple Plan

– Linkin Park

– Good Charlotte

thats just the top theres some more and these are the band that i normal listen to in times like these when i just need someone.Musix and specially these Bands are my lifesaver, so many times they helped me, so many times they stopped me when i was start to cut again what no one of my friends knows ..

Theres always a  small line between giving up and stand up again to fight the battle from the beginning. I really Love my Friends but they have all so many problems and i dont want to bother them with mine too, the deserve so much more to be happy, to smile and to enjoy the life. My Friends are my everything if you hurt them you hurt me too. There are also my lifesaver they helped me in the past so often, theres no us without you and me. My Babes are my heart and my soul, i know that i fight all this battles for them that i need to be strong for them, we all need to be strong for everyone, when one person gives up, then we all fall, 2 girls saved for almost 1,5 years my life, but they wrote me they was there and im really thankfull for this i really am. Without them i wouldnt be here anymore.

Day by Day we fight, we have battles with others or with ourself, we get everytime a little bit stronger out of the fight yea we loose sometimes but we need to look forward to, do it for the people who loves you and who you love.

Dont forget Bands are always there and Listen

 

Im Proud of you, you are still here xx

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Clean since 36 days

My Year 2013 a little flashback to everything what happend

 

Hello People,

 

Another Year is over, another drama ends .. lets end this year with a big bang or a big hangover. This year was probertly for me one of the stressful and hardest years ive had. Im Glad its over and i hope the new one 2014 is a little bit better to me as 2013 was.

As you know from my 2012 Post i seperate each month in a blog so its better to read. But what i can happy say 2013 wa defently  a big concert year for me so lets start with my little throwback of 2013.

I will link in each month my Blog post that ive post in that month might you miss something interesting.

 

January :

A New Year a new start right?. Well at this year started i knew it cause number 13 in the year thats this Year dont be a good one to be honest. Gladly my Year started with a new Concert from a German Band Called “Jennifer Rostock”, when you understand german you should check them defently out. Ive done my best to get a new Job i really tried and at alomost the end of January i had finally some Luck at my Site ive got a new Job as a Florist it should start in Febuary and i was really happy about it.

https://themostpreciousatlife.wordpress.com/2013/01/08/the-new-year-better-and-happier/

 

Febuary :

My new Job begun i was really really happy about it, i had a really really nice workmate and whe had together a lot of fun sadly we had a hard winter in this Month, normally i love Snow but this was really hard i mean at Valentines day Snow not really good huh?. Also the Month stated with a Amazing concert from the Band Natives/We the Kings, they are really good live. For me then point ive got a job was really important i had finally something to look forward to to have something to get out of the bed and all this, to start a new chapter of my lfie, i really thought finally ive got some luck in my life. At Valentines day a really hard day in my Job as a Florist, i had a Concert at the end of my 11Hours Workday i was really exhausted but totally was looking forward to it, it was from The Blackout/Set it Off/Yellowcard, the first time i saw each of them live. Ive spent this night with one of my most important friends in my life called Miss Sophie, we had a wonderfull time together. At the end of Febuary ive went to another Concert, yeah 3 concert ina month are allot haha it was from Blitzkids/Lower Than Atlantis the 2 time i saw Lower again aqnd they totally killed the show.

https://themostpreciousatlife.wordpress.com/2013/02/02/friendships/

https://themostpreciousatlife.wordpress.com/2013/02/05/concerts-the-feeling-there-where-you-belong-to/

 

March :

A Happy Month i finally got some new colour under my skin, finally At the beginning of March ive got the writing ” Never a failure always a lesson on my right chest and at the end of the month 3 Butterflys, its not done already there a many more thigns that get ad to it but its all really expesive so i need to wait to get more.

https://themostpreciousatlife.wordpress.com/2013/03/19/music-the-escape-of-life/

 

April :

Sadly at the end of April i lost my new job,  cause my ex Boss need to close the Shop where i worked so i was back with no job, it really depressed me after this cause obviously i was not even be able to have a Job and some Luck in my life, i was really sad about it, i had fun at this place :/. I tried my best to not fall back into a bad mood again and im not proud of it that i cut in this time a few times again, im really not proud of it and no one really knows abaout this, i just felt worthless and too dumb to even hold a stupid Job i know it was not my Fault but i felt really worthless that i didnt done my best what i can :(. I was just alone in this tough time. I was glad that i concert kind of helped me to stop cutting, a Band called Imagine Dragons, their song Demons is my song he has one of the most beautiful lyrics from their record ..

Don’t want to let you down
But I am hell bound
Though this is all for you
Don’t want to hide the truth
No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

Thats just a snipped of the Song but it really helped me and still has now at the end of the year a huge Positive vibe for me and it helpes my kind of when im falling back into the dark times to not to cut to be strong and to stay it.

 

https://themostpreciousatlife.wordpress.com/2013/04/24/suicide-thoughts/

 

March :

The new Month without a job … yeah that was kind of hard for me .. i went to a concert at the beginning of the Month from We are the in crowd/Never Shout Never, yeah i had fun there but it was not like the same time to be honest … normally music is the thing for me that helps me a lot when im sad or when no one is there to talk to, Music helps me in so many ways, sometimes my situation and how i feel dont understand everyone thats also why i stopped to talking about all of my problems in my life, sometimes they dont seem to care about it or they dont understand it, its always the same thing always.

https://themostpreciousatlife.wordpress.com/2013/05/09/thoughts-over-thoughts/

https://themostpreciousatlife.wordpress.com/2013/05/09/music-concerts-my-escape-of-life/

June :

A Happy Month beginning, i took the train to my babes in Berlin, i really missed my babes so much, i really hate the distance between us, it makes it all not really easy, i wish they would right next to me and i would be able to see them every single day, spent so many hours a day with them and just cuddle them all day, but how we all know life sucks and they live 540 km away from me. Ive meet them last Year and im really happy about it we are all really close with my babe from Euskirchen and from Ebern, no one can ruin our friendship that we have and always gonna have. Its a connection between us thats hard to explain really, we meet and we already knew we have so many things in common and a invisible band between us that no one could ruin or cut. Ive spent a whole week in Berlin and had really much fun up there i went to Missys Birthday with my gal Claudi and we had a wonderfull cosy night. The day i left Berlin was for me really sad, i already missed these wonerfull gilrs  i knew that i saw them really soon back but it hurts everytime.

And this soundcloud message in my Link here is a relly impressing thing i mean listen to it and tell me what you think, its kind of scary somehow

https://themostpreciousatlife.wordpress.com/2013/06/01/suicide-soundcloud-message/

https://themostpreciousatlife.wordpress.com/2013/06/03/stop-bullying-and-act-normal-like-everyone-else-ele/

https://themostpreciousatlife.wordpress.com/2013/06/19/a-wonderfull-place-to-feel-free/

https://themostpreciousatlife.wordpress.com/2013/06/24/be-who-you-are-and-dont-change-yourself-for-others/

https://themostpreciousatlife.wordpress.com/2013/06/29/the-society-perfect/

yeah i post a lot in june

July :

What to say about July it was atually a really quiet month, i tried to survive this month, not much happend just the event here Kölner Lichter an event to celebrate some fireworks in cologne, i went there with my beautifull gal Sophie, Jenny and Isa, at the beginning we had a lot of fun, we drunk some cocktails and laughed a lot at the end so about 2 hours before everything started, a men tried to piss me off and the other i tried to annoy some people and pushed us away from our place so whe had no chance to see the firework sometimes people ask me why i hate people so much well this is one the reasons there are all big douchebags and piss me off. After that Event we went to a Cocktail bar and drunk a little bit and after might 2 hours we went home, it was a really sweet day. That was it actually this month. My Lovley Elli introduced me a guy called Dan and he made Youtube Videos and this was the beginning of a really intense addiction.

i Didnt even bloged in this month.

August :

A Quiet lame month i spent probertly 30 days in my bed and was  much depressed about everything adn the whole world.

September :

A really good Month Kind of, my babes from Berlin visted me here in my Hometown cologne and i could show them where i live. My First Babes claudi came in the last week of september to go with my and Sophie to an Concert of Set it off/Tonight Alive. She brought her friend Sarah with her she is a really sweet girl im friend with her too :). We had there a lot of fun. We jumped and screamed sung all the song from the Boys after their performance we went to the Merch and bought some stuff from them and waited outsied to meet them, we waited really long some of them thought no one would love to see them so they went back in the house but we ask one to get them out and luckly the came out so we made some pictures got some autographs these boys a really really nice we had a wonderfull time there. It always make me extremly sad when my babes need to leave me again me and Sophie brought them to the Bus station and had a heartbreaking goodbye. I went with Sophie and some more friend to the concert at Saturday to Sleeping with Sirens/Hands like House/ The Getaway Plan/ The Summer Set sadly my body decided to hurt like fuck and i need to leave early so i dindt saw much of the show.

https://themostpreciousatlife.wordpress.com/2013/09/25/friendship/

Oktober:

Another wonderfull Month my babe Missy visited me for a whole week in my hometown and i was really really happy about it. It took her probertly 7 hours to be here with me but i was really happy to have her here. We did a lot of things we went shopping and visit Sophie at her place for a little suprise we talked a lot and laughed a lot, just a wonderfull time sadly Sophie left us to drove to Poland and couldnt make it with us on Sunday to a Concert of The Blackout, Claudi came at Friday to go with us to that Concert we had a lot of fun the boys are so nice and sweet, i never heard of them before Elli and Claudi introduced me their music last year im really thankfull for this. Aftr a Wonderfull week they left me to go back to Berlin and to Hamburg to see them again cause its their Fave Band. I was really sad that they left me. I Hope im able to see them soon again i really miss them and just the skype calls make it not better the missing thing.

https://themostpreciousatlife.wordpress.com/2013/10/16/the-diffrence-between-a-fan-and-a-stalker/

November :

The Magical Month omg ive waited for this day so long first of all i saw this month Imagine Dragons again the 2 time and for the very very first time i saw Panic! at the Disco, i was a really happy Girl at this day, i meet so many new people there, which i gonna see next year again at a Panic! and a Fall out boy Show. Its so amazing the show was really amazing i mean we talk about Brendon Urie haha. It was a amazing show and i was a bit sad that ive got no Plectru from one of the boys, so i got home with a Tshirt and a wristband that ive bought and change my clothes to sleeping ones and then i felt something weird in my bag and it was a freaking plectrum i didnt even know that i got one i was really happy, jumped trough my whole room, that defently made my day even better as it already was. Few days later i went to the Imagine dragons show its was really cold outside i waited almost 7 Hours outside to get into the front row what i already was then the 2 Opening Bands they were ok but they didnt beat Imagine dragons, there were really perfect again and they sung again Demons my Fave i really tried not to cry its really a song that touches me a lot and i also want i line tattoed on my arm to remind me im strong and i can do it. I went out of the hall really happy and smiling.

December :

Well the last moth of the year the countdown to close the chapter 2013 and open a new one called 2014. It was a really rough year and there a lot of things that i dont want to talk about here cause i dont know whos gonna read this here some things that im not really proud of doesnt know anynone not even my friends andi think it wouldnt be good if they knew it so i keep it for myself … might someday i tell it but now im not ready fir this. Im really Glad this year is now over at one site ive meet so mane new Poeple, had so many amazing moments, but theres still to many dark moments in my life that i need to sort out kind of i dont know how to be honest that the dark parts of myself seems like there were a important part of myself and i think i would miss them i let them go. Probelty they never would leave me, we all have our own demon inside of us some of us know how to keep them inside and some of us dont we are a bit broke and the demons always find the place were we broke to get outside and destroy us.

all i want for 2014 is some more luck in my life to let people who hurt me over and over again go, and stop letting treating me like a fukcing doll, i have trust issue and all this makes it not even better . I will try to be a better Person to be happier, to spend some more time outside, probertly all by myself, and theres a lot of thing i need to talk about with a few of my friends theres things who need to talk about cause i think theres walls between some of my and my friends that i things when it would change something soon it ends by the fact we are no longer friends anymore. I just need to sort my life get a new Job and looking forward this is all what i need to do i know it will be hard even when its the last thing i do.

https://themostpreciousatlife.wordpress.com/2013/12/20/you-can-stand-still-but-the-world-and-everything-else-is-moving/

2502 words later … Im thankfull for all people who spent some time with me this year i love you all from the bottom of my heart and i hope i will spend with some of you some more time next year too

xx Sarah

 

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Suicide Soundcloud Message

Hey People,

For about a few weeks, i was at a down and start scrolling trough my Tumblr with the Search words for

Depressed, Suicide, Cut , Alone , Selfharm

 

and i found something that changed my view about the whole Suicide completly, i cant even describe in which way it changed but i thought well i should listen to this let see what this is.

The Soundcloud Mp3 is from a girl called ErikalynXo i dont know if she fight against self Harm or Suicide thought or what else but she upload something in Soundcloud called

“Suicide”

 

I expected something about her Story, about the way how she planned might a Suicide or anything else so i start clicking on the play button and within 2 Seconds no words nothing this touched me really she start talking with the First words

 

” You sitting at your desk”

 

She start talking about it like it is you, in your own view, it goes 11 mins a bit more and all this changed my view about this i cant really describe how but this was really “impressing” its ight not the right word but i think it exlain it the best how i wanna describe it.

She start talking about is, like its your Story, your way to plan a suicide but she dont end when you re dead no she show you the way after you what is with the people who loves you that you didnt see, the people around you and all this, i honestly got goosebumbs and start crying while listen to this here.

At one site i was fascinated about this Soundcloud but otherwise it scares me to hell, how good she knows “me” in that way, and my way what i planned but early enough stopped and all this just a stranger a girl can change so many minds from so many diffrent people around the world …

i start a few time to write a blog about this but didnt really know how to start and now i just decided to write what i think and when you have these thoughts in you in your mind or just sometimes for about a few minutes please Listen to this here its kinds “wonderfull” How 1 Girl can change from so many people her own mind.

Still when you have problems with Self-Harm ot anything that destroys Yourself please take these 11 mins and close your eyes might use your headphone to hear it clearly and Listen to this its something special in his own way.

Heres the Link to it

 

https://soundcloud.com/eriikaa/sucide

 

It nothing big but might it can help you to see your own life now diffrent then

before, you see things diffrent, your thoughts about it are maybe diffrent ..

Let me know what do you think about this Soundcloud Message.

x Sarah

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Friendships …

Hey People,

First of all im sorry for not posting in the ast weeks nothing, i didnt really know how to put my minds into words and write it all down, it happend in the last weeks a lot of stuff, which i need to think about and see how everything goes his way, but now im back :).

Well everyone has friends who you share as much time as you can together with your besties your sister or people who you truly love, almost everyone in the world has some friends.

To become friends is Sometimes not reall a easy way sure when you re young it doesnt count what you wear or have, all what you need is someone who you can play with and have some fun, whe you re young everything is a little bit easier as now.

In the life to grow up to an adult ( woman/men), its getting a little bit complicated, cause in this years, some just look to that what you wear and how much money do you have, a attitude who is completly wrong!. You cant say a good person has alot of money and wear just brand clothes and thoose who has not much money they are stupid and not worth it to get to know them a little bit more.

I saw it in my growing up life a lot, not just b other also by me when you dont have the Size 0 or whatever you re “worth it” to have friends its sad. But honestly thoose people can be the best friends in the world.

And a friendship cant survive when these “feelings” are just from one site, both sites need to fight for a friendship it gave always good times and bad times when you survive the bad times together, then become these friendship to somethig bigger and to something beautiful. ou get to know the other person a lot more and you know that you can trust these person like no one else and this is a wonderfull thing. Someone you can always talk with when you feel bad and need someone to talk to.

A Friendship is something to belive in and to start fighting against Haters, rumours and some other shit.

Sadly sometimes you feel that the connection starts to break with your friend(s), you feel that you loos them or can loose and that just you are the last one who try to hold the connection between you both. its like that the other site already give up or for her its not even that important to her to hold the good “realationship” between you both and you start to ask yourself is it worth it to put some power, love and trust in this to hold that up. ?

Sometimes is it totally worth it to fight when you have something wonderfull like this its hard defently but my mom always said when you fight so badly for something and your heart say its right that you must fight for this cause this is something Honest what you nneed and love, you need to care about a friendship its like a glasshouse you need to care about it everysingle day to hold is close to you, sure its not always easy to get in touch with them,

but just a little hi, how are you is sometimes more as to say nothing really.

Well and then theres thought, why should I fight for something what means for me more as for her, its always hard to loose someone who you though you can trust to, who was honest and real to you, but people change themself somtimes sadly without you and they dont want to have you still in their life. Its hard and its okay to let all your emotions out.

Say what you to say, dont hold it for you say it loud !! You are also human and have feelings and when you are worried about someone to loose who you thought you have them until the rest of you live, say it you cant destroy much more as it already is but then you can say . You done your best you fight and did everything.

and then this one was not the right friend for you and you gonna find her someday, people who doesnt care about you or dont ask you how you feel and all that are not real friends that is something that i realise its hard but its realistic …

So dont change yourself to be accepted, stay you then this person like you are want to be searched by someone who you can spent the rest of you life together

 

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Dont look away when people start cutting, get bullied do Something !

Hey People,

In the last week i saw something, that i couldnt understand, i couldnt understand people who start telling others on social places like twitter, that it would be better to kill yourself, and that your re ugly not worth it to live and all this, i didnt recive that messages i just saw it and start talking to the bullyied girl to let her know that she dont need to believe that shit what these other girl start talking about, and then i wrote a message to this girls who start sending these tweets out.

All what she wrote me was, she is not worth it to live, shes ugly fat and stupid,

I was never that shocked honestly i told her to stopped this cause its never OKAY !! to tell people this everyone has feelings and this one of the most awfull things that ou get called, i mean how would you feel when someone start sending you tweets or messages all the time to get called, fat, ugly, die, stupid or whatever.

ITS NOT OKAY !!!!

But this was not the only thing i saw in the last weeks i heard it pretty often in the tv , radio or saw it here on the internet that more and more people start to kill themself , start cutting, or stopped eating. Well i just can say im not perfect i fight by myslef against so much and its always hard to stay strong, but we must stay strong we cang give up, for some of “us” the life is always a fight against other or against ourself, its hard i know that, but please when you need help then search for some.

Its not bad to go to a special doctor to talk about your problems, he can help, sometimes we dont find a way out these people can help alot. Please trust me.

The live is something so special for each of us, we just have this one, and we need to take care of it, it could be end that fast, everyday happend something really special, you meet through your life so many diffrent people, you see alot of new things, somewhere you fall in love, you have your family at your site (bloodfamiily or friendsfamily) it doesnt care cause these people love you for this what you are and not what the soceity start to talking about .

Everyone is Beautiful and worth it to live dont give up, sta strong for you and for thoose that you love. and when you fall back into your old mood /puke out the stuff that youve eat or start cutting) its something what happend in our life but we can always go stronger out of this. together we can reach allot.

When you think you are alone and dont have someone to talk to … Write me, i listen to you and try to help you i know how hard the life can be, its still hard but i try my best to look forward.

xx sarah

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Give yourself sometimes a break from everything to get a clear view forward, it helps !?

Hello Readers,

Im Sorry for the 2 weeks without anything posted but i needed some time for myself, it was for me important to regonize whats is really important in my life and for what i should fight and not.

I can say this break helps me a lot and i can defently say when you think you have some really big problems in your life or when you feel its getting to much, then directly do something against it take a time out from everything, it really helps to focus yourself to the things they are important for you.

The year is almost done and as might some of you know this years had more downs as highs for me, more shit that no one really need in a life. Thats why i took a break from everything and start thinking about a few things that happend ot what is with next year a lot of important questions where i actually dont have an answear for.

The Life is the only Bitch that you cant Punch in the Face

You are the only person who can help yourself and do some things better fpr yourself no one can help you that much what you actually need, some people cant give you the answear to some question of you, or can make you life that much better and brighter as it is, its a hard way to get out of the dark side of life , from the bad to the good, but you will get stronger when you go through this, it will be hard and not easy, but we are all Stronger that we might know.

When you have some Beautiful friends and Family Around you then we reach every goal that we take, cause people who we love and care about gave something to belive in. They cant give you an answear but they can show you maybe the way that you need to go to find that what you really need.

Give every day the chance to become the best of your life.

I Gave myself the goal, to see now everything a little bit postiver as i did in the past, in the past i saw everything wrong everything was bad and not good, and now i try to see it all a bit better :).

Every little step is a step into a new life, into a happy life where the love and life live. Our Past will always be there but when we can we get out of this Stronger as we ever was and will be. Then What doesnt kill you makes you Stronger, think about this, and realize its true, we have our bad times in the past, the times that we actually wish to forget but, when we really think about this, that all this what happend makes us to this what we are right know, and all this brought us these people around us that we love.

So What i wanna say with this short and little blog is, when you need some time for yourself , then take it, everyone needs some of it and it helps to clear your mid and looking forward to a new way 🙂

xxx Sarah

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ps: I Promise to post in the future now some more blogs xx

What is your life worth it, to still fight or just keep your head up and try to see you life as possible as you can ? It is !!!

Hello Readers,

This day i already got that idea to write about something, what is probertly in some heads of yours alsways these question, people who just need to fight in their lifes knows maybe about what im talking here.

Well the last past years i had these question pretty often in my head, and in the last days also, for people who dont know how hard a life can be they maybe dont understand this here, but for me i always need to fight in my life and i dont think that this will never stops, kinda unfair, cause some people dont need to do anything and get everything what they want. We others need to fight for everything..

– like in the job, in the personal life in the love everywhere –

Well as some of you maybe read i thought about suicide in the past for about 2 month and i almost did it, a person can be strong but someday you re not see any sense anymore to fight against anything you are done with everything and wanna go just out of this circle out of the problems just away. But i had 2 girls who helps me in this situation ther wrote at this time where i almost try it to suicide. Now im glad that i had these 2 in the situation, and also a guy helps me through all this i need to gave him a promise.

But in the last weeks it changes something and now its pretty hard to hold that promise 100%, cause i did things that avtually broke this promise when im honest, cause i doesnt see any other way to get out to make it a little bit easier all this … when the thoughts are back , that your not worth it to live .. not worth it to breathe.

When you had these thoughts one time you probertly diesnt get them out, i have it once a week maybe twice, cause theres moments where you start thinking about things and see how poor your life actually is and that it diesnt make sense anymore..

– When the life doesnt make sense anymore, to fight .. should you give up –

Well ims till trying to say me everday that im not should give up and should still fight against all this what comes its hard and always will be hard but wasnt kill you makes you stronger right ? Well sounds cheesy … But no one on earth should try to suicide, life can be such a bitch i know this but it gave everytime reasons to life

– Reasons to fight for ( Family, Friends, a Band or anything else )

YOU, dont give up keep your head up, its hard but we you always need to fight knows how to preciate some things we see the world so diffrent but we know how good it feels when you fight for something that you every wanted. People who dont need to fight doesnt know it how to feel this ..

Every single life is it worth it to live and you are worth it to breathe an be on this planet. When you need help ask your family or friends or just talk to a stranger i mean a professional its not bad to search for help and this doesnt mean that you are weak or anything else it means to fight for something. So i dont give up so you also dot give up.. together we can reach a lot in the live .

Xx Sarah

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A Boy who Fight for his Life and he is Stronger as we all thought, Fight our Little Star Blue

Hello Readers,

Here I would like to draw your attention to a very special theme, i talk about Cancer and a boys who is so young and so strong and fight against it.

The Name of the little boy is Blue Tobin he live in Canterbury and is 3 Years old. Since 18 Month he moved in and out of the hospital. He Fight against Cancer ( AML – Acute Myeloid Leukaemia) . On his 2 Birthday hes got diagnosed to this.

A hard time for the family and friends then last year in may he almost dies by an infection and he was immediately taken to the intensive care unit to fight for his life for 24 hours, he is a really strong boy and im really proud of him.

In July the doctor told the Family that hes clear of Cancer, but sadly in November he went to a Check up in the Hospital and the Cancer was back and this time very aggressive. He stays all the Christmas days and the New Years day in the hospital to fight against it, again, hes got very strong medicin/drugs and a chemotherapy but nothing works.

In Febaury this year the doctor sent Blue home with the message to his family that they couldnt do anything more for him, the doctor gave the family some palliatice care and drugs to make his dead a little bit easier.

– Stay Strong our little star your are so strong and we all believe in you –

But hes still fighting and fought back the and his family went again to the doctor to try it again, Blue is a strong boy, the doctor was a little bit sceptical about it but the family said when we need to we fligh to America.

The Doctor told the Family that theres an other drug that they could try but these is really dangerous and theres just a 10% – 15% Chance that this drug work but it also could kill him. They tried it and Blue still fight, on May 10th Blue recived a Bone Marrow from a 28 Year old german who works as a agriculture.

The famile and friends are very grateful to the man, who saved the life of Blue. Fran, Blues Mum need 15 years to get pregnant with Blue, she doesnt give up and she recived a miracle a wonder of earth. Im so Proud of Fran and Blue they are wonderful Angels on earth.

Fran brought the organization into life

– Blue Tobin Foundation Helping Parents –

This is an Organisation to raise money for people like Blue, for Children who fight against Cancer, anyone who is willing to donate not matter how much every cent is it woth to donate to help these little kids on this earth.

Im so proud of this little boy Blue he fight so bad against it and i hope he win this fight against it, and he can life his life like he wanna life it.
I send you so much power Blue, i pray for you and i know you are strong, strong to fight and Survive it.

And Fran i send you also so much love, and power so much as i can im so proud of you and your son.

xx Sarah

It also gave wristbands from the Helping Parents Foundation, the costs 2 euro each and all the money is for the Foundation. If you one or more let me know this, i will pass on all the information.20121009-195237.jpg

Heres the Offical Link to the facebook site of the Organisation

http://www.facebook.com/#!/BlueTobinFoundationHelpingParents?fref=ts

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When your Heart Start to Break, cause Thing change it and you Cant do Anthing against it.

Hello Reader …

In the Last days i Realize some Thing which im Not really happy about.

Sure the time Chance some Things how do you See them and what do you feel. But for me in now at a Point where i dont think i get back to the Old happy days to Spread the Love or to do Anthing Else.

In me theres so many emotions like sad, Angry, confused, dissapointed,

For me its Hard to Trust People Specially Stranges but this Year i statt to Trust New People i Meet i thought maybe i Need to give them a Chance.

But i See they didnt deserve this .. its like they told all the time just stuff to Make me (us) happy, i did so much we all but but know its like we are Not Worth it anYmore , i just can speak from myself .. im really dissapointed and sad, and im now at a Point where i say

Who Cares, they dont wanna know how we feel so why should i wanna know Whats with them

And actually i dont wanna See them back here or everywhere for me my Heart is Broken and im Not sure if anYone can fix this cause its serious.

I really dont know we are just People in Germany that it. Stupid People they did everything!

And also the Connection to my New Friends Start to Break for month/ Weeks we Talk everyday about everything and now i just Talk to 2 People each Day , and the others yeah really Talk about stuff every 2/3 Day so it changed so many

And its like i Cant do Anthing against it, everything what gave me a Reason to Fight, to live Breaks .. everyday a Little Bit more 😦

I dont wanna Loose Everyone again and stand there Alone Not again really im Not that Strong enough to going through all this a Second time

So That is all in me in my Head and in my Life … just Drama like always …

someday i stop to believe that everything will be back like the Old days i dont believe to that anYmore cause so many ( Bad ) Things Happend

xxx Sarah

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