Stay

Hey

I know its been a while since the last time, but loads of things happend and i had to Focus a bit more at Work and had to figure a few things out.

I dont really know how this Blog will end cause i really dont thought about it what i want to write so i just write it down what ive been thinking.

The word “Stay” is a word for me that i dont like .. not just because it get along with the point of loosing people to ask them to stay … no the thought that i was ready to leave 2 years ago but i stayed here i choosed to stay ang give this all a second chance and to be honest im kinda glad i did … to choose to leave wasnt a easy decision i almost took but there were reasons why and sometime things getting worse day by day and you cant do anything about it, you trying your best but no one is really seeing it, no one appreciate the things you do.

But what ive learned is that you get stronger out of it when you finally made it out of the rain and you finally see the sun.. its a hard way to get to it and ive changed in the past years, but i thinks thats growing up … we see things diffrent and might kno how to handle some situations i dont know .. but to look back to the day .. it scares me a bit .. im still not super happy .. but im enjoying the little things in life, theres days where i can say im really happy and i really mean it.

The day where i went to my mum and told her that i need help was one of the hardest things ive ever done .. she still doesnt know all what happend and nothing about the thing i tried to commit suicide its better im sure … but she knows im depressed and things… the weird thing she always said i need help Years ago….. but i always said no i dont need hel its all good  …. well since then ive got used to get hurt and i tried to ignore all of this .. i stopped to trust people. I Proud of myself that i told her thoose things even if i havent found a place but i took the first step.

Its been crazy 2 years and to be honest i wouldnt be here if there wasnt thoose girls .. i just meet them a few years ago … but they mean everything to me, we´ve been through so much together and we are still together we are stronger then ever and i know with them on my site we will made life, its hard sometimes but we have us.

” Close together or far apart, forever in each others heart”

Sometimes people have to leave you its better sometimes even how hard it will be to let go … it doesnt mean you will never see that person again, sometimes we all need a break to calm down a bit and to look forward again maybe it need a few years who knows but you have to figure out who you are and what you want and when its not possible with people then let them leave you are just going down when they stay …

Look forward to new things, your first priority should be you, you have to be happy not others and when you cant with them let them go.

x

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222 Days Clean

Hey People,

I cant really tell you why im here right now and writing this down … i just thought i just should check my WordPress blog and i saw theres still people who reading some of my old Blogpost and i thought you might should “update” it with a new post … i tried it once a few month ago but it wasnt the right time …

Well as some of my readers know i had a really bad time in the past with suicide thougths and other stuff  … its been a while since i updated cause i really needed to figure out in which way my life shpuld turn cause i know it cant end here …. people helped my through this time and im thankfull for this even when im not close to some of them anymore … Nevermind

Well its been a while now and it changed alot of things.

I start working in a complete new place with people who i love to work with i dont get panic attacks anymore when im on my way at work, i meet so many kind people there and im finally happy to find a new Job like that … yeah sometimes i hate it to work but who doesnt ;).

What else changed … well i start and still try to see things not to bad as i did in the past, sure theres always days where i fall back into my old mood but i have people around me or on the internet who cheer me up and to stop me to do bad things and im so happy that i have them in my life now… i never thought that my life really changed that much in the last 2 years. Mostly it changed cause i meet people like them. To look back now, to see old post .. i dont know i get a really weird feeling about it.

If someone told me that i change that much in 2 years i wouldnt believed him to be honest, i really start to kind of enjoy life, i love to laugh abput things, i opened myself infront of people about everything and it feelt good, i just need to get up always when i fall, i just need to remind myself theres people who care and always will.

Theres so much negativity in the world its so sad to see people killing themself, getting depressed or giving up … i know trust me i know how fucking hard life can be and how unfair, but see ive made it through this, its a hard battle against mostly with yourself, but you will be proud about the point tha you´ve made it and you getting stronger day by day and theres people who love you …

and its never lame or weak to search for help never forget sometimes we cant win the battle alone so we nee to get help and thoose people will help you to love yourself because your life is precious, all of your life is it.

Im clean now for 222 Days its may not much i know but for me its enough, im proud that ive made it so far and i will made it to a whole year …

Dont give up if you having a fight just message me im here ❤

dont forget your life is precious

x Sarah

Post Concert Depression

Hey World,

I want to bring up something that im dealing with so often in the past 3 Years. Im talking about a Post Concer Depression, might some of you know what im talking about, but for thoose who not know heres some information and the feeling i get over and over again

For many people like me a Concert is not just a concert where we go to and have some time together, might dancing around and something, for me a Concert is always something to look forward to , to be happy about just something to keep me alive and dont let me getting insane in this whole World. A Concert is for me something magical that no one could ever gave me, this feeling i get when i wait in the line before the show 2,4 or maybe even 10 hours, yeah for some of you this sounds crazy or something but for me its something i wanna do to might have the chance to meet one of the people who helped and saved my life so many times.

To know i get closer to the time when i just can let fall my mask that i wear day by day to act like im happy and smiling, i just can be myself in this 2 Hours, i can spend my time with 1000 Strangers in one room but all i know is we have all something in common we are all there for this Band, something just because the same reason others are just there to spend an awesome time ans then go home and thats it.

Not for me, in this 2 Hours, i just can be me, i dont need to act like im happy cause in this 2 Hours i really am happy, i smile and i really mean it, its everytime a new experience on a concert its always diffrent but at the end it makes me always unbelievable happy. My Life isnt always the best and easy one, i try my best day by day i do things that i dont like at jobs,pretend if im allright day by day, we all do this somehow and all this stress we had this anger in us, it falls down from our shoulders within seconds of standing in the crowd, we look up to the Singer or the Band why we are there, when the first melody, the first line it gets us, everything is surreal, everything we see looks so bright so beautifull, we forget everything what was or even is and we are there where we belong to.

When the first lyrics starts you already know them you can sing everysingle line everysingle word, the melody goes through you body you heart is beating to the melody that got played, you start dancing like its one f the normals things, the people right next to oyu to the same, thousand of people enjoying something so special and wonderfull at the same time. You Jump up and down, theres not much room where you stand but it doesnt care, even if you fall someone picks you up and smileys at you, you´ve me surrounded by so many wonderfull people. You dont feel how the time flies how short actually 2 hours are …  Some Lyrics of some songs mean the most to you, words that saved you, words that helped you when no one was there. You start crying cause they sing about something how you feel, what you´ve been  going through or still dealing with. You look up to them, sing with them everysingle word and crying cause theres someone who understands how you feel and he is always there for you.

The moment when the Show is over, the Bands leaves the stage, you cant really realise what happend, how can be 2 hours so short, its all surreal and you are just there and dont know what to do, to think or you dont even know wheres the exit, you waited for this moment might weeks or Month sometimes also years for this special moment and then its over.

You leave the Hall where there performed, you might check the merch to grab something from their stuff and then you leave you might wait till they might comes out or you go home, filled with Happiness and sadness at the same time. You cant even describe really how you feel you have a smile on your face and tears in your eyes. All what you want is already going back to see this show again and again. You know tomorrow is the same old life back the time where you put your Mask on and pretend you are allright and everything is fine.

a Days or Days you feel sick and alone, you can start crying directly when you look back to the show, you get the good feeling back when you think about the whole show, but then you wake up and realise its over and you start crying like hell, you want to be happy, you want the show back your lifesaver on stage everything but you cant. This is a Post Concer Depression.

I dont know i cant even count how much i had a depression like that actually my whole life is a Post Concer Depression, cause there i can be who i am and dont need to pretend something diffrent.

You try to find in the Social Network people who feel the same like you, people who understands you, the feeling you have and how much you miss this Band this feeling, you try to look forward to, to the next show or planning to travel to another city to see them Live, i already did this i traveld through my whole country to see a Band live, for some it might sounds crazy but for me its the only thing that keeps me alive.
Together we are strong, a Fanbase should stay together cause we all feel the same, we go all through the same emotional rollercoaster, we find new people with diffrent storys and nobody should get judge by what hes been listen to. We all want to break out of Life jsut for 2 Hours we just want to feel again. Even when just for 2 Hours.

Thats my Story

If You want you can write me yours x

Sarah

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Be replaced by other …

 

Hey,

 

I think we all had this feeling someday in our life, the feeling o not good enough anymore or that others stop to care about you, you seems not anymore important to them, you see how they speak with other everyday more and more and with you, maybe twice a week. 

We all start in our early years to make new friends, find people or better said little kids that we have somethin in common, but we all start to grow up really fast when we start to go in school we change ourself and the things we love and our personality. Sometimes we all cant hold the friendship to our first friends in live and we start top replace them with other that we start to have more and more in common we start to loose the connection to them and stop to care anymore about them.

We meet a lot o new people on our journey of life and sometimeswe loose the people that we thought we love the most adn had the strongest connection too. Its life we all know that. Sometimes its really hard to realise to give up on people cause we changed to much and have nothing anymore in common with this person nothing that you can hold on to. We know how much it hurts to be replace by ther from your closet friend, but sometimes we need to let people go no matter how hard it could be, even how much it gonna hurts, but hold on a friendship where no end is to see, this is not a realy friendship.

Sure for a real strong friendship you need to work for and with it, its work to hod on something like this wonderfull and the hard work need to come from both sites cause otherwise its doesnt even make sens a friendship is from two sites not just from one. When you feel something is wrong with the frienship or with the person just ask whats wrong or that something is not right woth the friendship and you both need to figure out what, cause when the friendship is so important for you as for the other person you will made it, i think no one of you will be replaced by a stranger and you dont want loose the closet person of you that you ever had.

Never forget how much it could hurts being or be replaced by someone else, to get forget and hurt by the Person you thought you love and get loved the most, a friendship is hard work and you need to work on it.

I´ve been replaced way to often from people that i thought they love me for who i am, how i look and all this … but they start talking shit behind my back or we stopped talking or we just stopped to have things in common and they shared everything with it with other and they didnt even care what you´ve been thinking about it.

It hurts like hell to have the feeling of getting might replaced from others or that this person could love others more like you, its never easy to get over something like this, so do something for it, try to figure out what could be wrong and what happend and might you both find a way out and no one need to replaced and you will have a very long friendship you can looking forward to and looking back in the future

 

x Sarah

 

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Friendship

First of all im deeply sorry for having a little time out with blogging .. i needed some time for myself to figure out a few things and all this but i try to blog now more xx

We all have a lot and some just a few people around ourself that we call “friends” people who we truly love and talk to when we need someone to talk. Friends are really important people in our life except beside parents and the family, with friends you can talk about your problems, they dont judge you for being you, friends are there when you need them.

Since we all were little we searched for friends like in the kindergarden, the early beginning of searching people.

In our Life we might still our old friends that we knew for a very long time, but people change over the years and somehow they figure out that they are not that close anymore as they was. When we all started to go to the highschool we all tried to find people who listen to the same music like we do, love the same things, we tried to find some for not being alone.

In our early years it was way  easier to find new friends, it doesnt count how you look,who you are or what you stand for,  you wanted just some fun in the School breaks or after School.

But now in our all teenager lifes and in the Soceity of 2013 its really hard to find new people who accept you for who you are and what you love. Theres always and everywhere people who hate you for who you are and they dont accept you way how you life your live. They try everything to break you, the try to hate yourself for who you are.

People start getting really rude in their teenage age  and still after that they didnt change they attitude to all these things. The soceity makes it for us the teenager not really easy to find new people who you can trust 100%, its getting harder and harder year by year, we all lost our friends because we didnt had much time with them  or we start loving diffrent things, theres always many ways why a friendship broke. I think all of you had this one friends that you thought you share your whole life with but at the end it broke sadly …

Sometimes you see it comming that the friendship start to change you dont talk that much like before or your love to something is not the same anymore, the other person start to talk with others way more about things, and it makes yourself really sad cause you cant really understand why all this happend, what did you´ve done to deserve to treated like that, sometimes püeople change like 180* and are complete diffrent, its normal for a person to change we all change in one way, but the thing is, are the people change themself with or without you, do they still want you in their life when they dont show you this feeling ?

A Friendship is not something that comes and stay for doing nothing, a real friendship is hard work for both sides to keep them.  A Friend need to fight for you trust and for the place in your heart, its not like hey be my Friend for the next 80 Years, no its not that easy, i mean not for me, for me i need to know everything about a person to call him a friend.

Sure its normal to have sometimes a little fight with your friends, its normal to have sometimes a diffrent view about a few things but the important thing is you need to accept this other view to this and still love this person for this, to have always the same love for something is not always good, you shouldnt change yourself for the other peson to like you, that would be stupid, cause you are who you are and you should be proud of this when people dont like you for this that this are not real friends, and a little fight between you and your friends brings you sometimes closer as you was, sure theres alwas the point that a friendship can break but then it was not the right and real one.

When you really love a person and you want her in your life, then be you, true friends accept you for this and love you.

x Sarah

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“The Society Perfect”

Hey People

We all know that the “Society” want to show us the perfect look of a Human, how you need to look like, how you need to act and all this stuff. In the past weeks i start reading a few blogs and article about all this.

Every single article has the same “beauty things” which a human need to have to be perfect for the “Society”.

  • You Need to be Tall
  • You Need to be Skinny ( Size Zero would be perfect )
  • Long Hair
  • The perfect Skin

But this are just a few things that seems to be important to be “perfect”. Well i scrolled a few times in some social networks around and try to find a few points what the normal people on the world think what is beauty and how do you need to look like, sure theres a lot of people who aggree these points of being skinny, tall and all this but theres a group of growing up boys and girls who defently dont think like this, for them it just counts

  • You Need to have a nice and sweet personality
  • You Need to know what you want in your life
  • You Need to love to spent time with your friends and family
  • You Need to enjoy your life and live it without regrets

These are things that we normal people call beauty. We are all diffrent every single human we are

  • Skinny, Chubby, Fat
  • Short or Tall
  • Blond, Brown, Orange/Red, Blue or anything else 🙂
  • White, Brown or Black

We shouldnt define our beauty about a scala that the Society seems to show us to look perfect, but when we are honest theres people they are healthy Skinny thats totally okay but theres also people who deals with Anorexia just to be Skinny and look like the perfect Woman or Men, to have Anorexia is a really bad thing that in the past year more and more Girls/Boys need to deal with they grow up in a world wheres the important point to be Skinny and Beautiful.

They dont have to choice to see from themself how beautiful they actually are and that they dont need to change themself for anyone, no theres the Social “Society Perfect” and just this seems to important.

To have a Jeans size 0 seems more important as to have a wonderfull time in Highschool with friends, or going out for a Dinner with Someone. More and more people are falling in a black hole cause they want to be accept from thoose other “beautiful called” people and do almost everything just be with them, even then when the last Stop over the Anorexia is the Dead.

The Numbers of dead people who dealed with Anorexia are between 10-15% of the entire mankind, and every year theres more people who think Anorexia is the last point to loose weight just to be perfect.

The exact number of people worldwide whos suffer against or with Anorexia are not 100 % right cause not all people are on a List but News Sites are saying that every 10. person on the world is suffering with or against Anorexia. 

A number that should scare us all, or it should scares us all.

But we shouldnt forget that not just the ( Eating disorder ) is something that people need to deal with no theres many more ways how people go their ways to be “perfect” or sometimes how they fai.

With fail i mean the Suicide who ends always with dead or the Self-harm.

People who seems to think they have never any chance to look perfect or accept by people how they look like, need to find a way to deal with these many emotions whats i this moment is in them, they try to find something to let all this out and Cutting are sometime the “easiest way”.

I Dont wanna say its good no not at all who is a ready of my Blog knows im also dealing with Self-Harm. I Just want to make clear here that we need to be “society perfect” we are already perfect in our own way.

The Numbers of people who commit suicide climb in the past years and also thoose from people who Self-Harm.

Its been said that every 5 mins someone in the world commit Suicide, these numbers are not 100% then sadly some people are never found or just days/weeks or years later.

I dont wanna say that everyone who commit suicide did this just to be perfect, no theres mayn other reasons, i just wanna show here some numbers of these sad ways.

Sadly when you dont look the “society perfect” people think that they could start bulling you just about the fact your seems to be not perfect but you ARE.

I think the Society would never Change their view about being and look perfect in their way, but maybe we all can see in the mirror look at us and start to Love what we see and we all dont want to be something or someone else.

We are all Beautifull in our own way, we are all diffrent and this is right how weird would the world be when we look all like the same person. These things they diffrent between us all make us to something special, your friends ot people who love you family maybe, they love maybe your own Nose how she look or your bright brown eyes ?.

We all get Loved by people around us cause they see us as a perfect human, the society is just a word in a news paper or a word in the Designer Magazins. But we are all better as just a stupid world.

So Look in the Mirror and see yourself with a complete diffrent view of yourself,you are perfect trust me :).

… At the end i just wanna say i dont want to affect against anyone not the skinny ones or the people who wear the size 0 I just want to show here my side and my View how i think about all this, and this here is just this what i think and need to be said, thats it ….

Xo Sarah tumblr_mp6gtuePMf1rfyy5po1_400

Be who you are and dont change Yourself for others

Hey beautiful people

We all started like Little Girls or Boys, who Loved to play all Day long and we dont need to think about if someone likes us or not.

Then Later in our Teenage age, the problema begun, there were groups in school the

cool ones, the nerds, cheerleader, freaks any many more

It was not anymore important how you act no just how you look like and how others can change you just with words

For many people the Highschool is such a hell on earth i know all this bullying shit, the hate everywhere. I know its fucking hard but trust me the Highschool ends and you get out of there.

To stay who you are and what you Love is in this time really hard cause you wanna find friends, sometimes the wrong ones, but you gonna learn from this.

What i wanna say, how hard it is and how much energy it needs dont Change yourself just to get loved by others we are all individual and this makes each of us special and unique.

Dont Change your look, you way to talk or what you eat just be yourself and you will see the truth and honest people gonna love you for this

xo Sarah

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Music the escape of life.

Music for might for some of you just something you listen to everyday without any reason you just need something to hear.

And for others like me, the best therapie you could ever get, the best way to get with your mind out of all the hate, problems of life. The Music is something that can give you so many things at the same time ..

.. Hope, Love, Trust, Understanding, Help ..

For me is the music like Air or every pulse or heartbeat, i couldnt live without her i listen to music since i were in the teenager age might a bit earlier but for me the music was always a big part an important part of my life, they helped me so often out of all drama in my life i put my earphone in my ear, click play and the world was on mute. The Music is a wonderfull gift of every artist, everyone has his own special Band or just a Song that gave yourself the feeling that someone understood you, try to help you ot is might just there at the moment.

When you feel alone you know the music is always there for you when others leave you, the music gave you something that others might never can. Theres a lot of different music types in the world tons of ..

.. Pop, Rock ,Rap, Techno, Metal, Alternitive, Hardcore Metal and some more  …

Everyone has his own music type that he love and adore and songs by artist that you love and being a fan of, thoose Songs speak words from your own soul, they tell you your life tr to help you, and being there for you, people who never had this feeling cant understand this, how a song could help a person, help more as a human ever can ..

The Music is a wonderfull gift and they always will, nothing helps specially me more as the music honestly, i have it one my phone, at work and everywhere, shes always there and for that im thankfull when my people around me have sometimes not the time for me i know i can put my earphone in my ear and know soon its getting a bit better with some special songs i love and know that they help me.

The Music is one of the most Important parts of my life and she always will …

What means music to you ? 

xx Sarah

 

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Friendships …

Hey People,

First of all im sorry for not posting in the ast weeks nothing, i didnt really know how to put my minds into words and write it all down, it happend in the last weeks a lot of stuff, which i need to think about and see how everything goes his way, but now im back :).

Well everyone has friends who you share as much time as you can together with your besties your sister or people who you truly love, almost everyone in the world has some friends.

To become friends is Sometimes not reall a easy way sure when you re young it doesnt count what you wear or have, all what you need is someone who you can play with and have some fun, whe you re young everything is a little bit easier as now.

In the life to grow up to an adult ( woman/men), its getting a little bit complicated, cause in this years, some just look to that what you wear and how much money do you have, a attitude who is completly wrong!. You cant say a good person has alot of money and wear just brand clothes and thoose who has not much money they are stupid and not worth it to get to know them a little bit more.

I saw it in my growing up life a lot, not just b other also by me when you dont have the Size 0 or whatever you re “worth it” to have friends its sad. But honestly thoose people can be the best friends in the world.

And a friendship cant survive when these “feelings” are just from one site, both sites need to fight for a friendship it gave always good times and bad times when you survive the bad times together, then become these friendship to somethig bigger and to something beautiful. ou get to know the other person a lot more and you know that you can trust these person like no one else and this is a wonderfull thing. Someone you can always talk with when you feel bad and need someone to talk to.

A Friendship is something to belive in and to start fighting against Haters, rumours and some other shit.

Sadly sometimes you feel that the connection starts to break with your friend(s), you feel that you loos them or can loose and that just you are the last one who try to hold the connection between you both. its like that the other site already give up or for her its not even that important to her to hold the good “realationship” between you both and you start to ask yourself is it worth it to put some power, love and trust in this to hold that up. ?

Sometimes is it totally worth it to fight when you have something wonderfull like this its hard defently but my mom always said when you fight so badly for something and your heart say its right that you must fight for this cause this is something Honest what you nneed and love, you need to care about a friendship its like a glasshouse you need to care about it everysingle day to hold is close to you, sure its not always easy to get in touch with them,

but just a little hi, how are you is sometimes more as to say nothing really.

Well and then theres thought, why should I fight for something what means for me more as for her, its always hard to loose someone who you though you can trust to, who was honest and real to you, but people change themself somtimes sadly without you and they dont want to have you still in their life. Its hard and its okay to let all your emotions out.

Say what you to say, dont hold it for you say it loud !! You are also human and have feelings and when you are worried about someone to loose who you thought you have them until the rest of you live, say it you cant destroy much more as it already is but then you can say . You done your best you fight and did everything.

and then this one was not the right friend for you and you gonna find her someday, people who doesnt care about you or dont ask you how you feel and all that are not real friends that is something that i realise its hard but its realistic …

So dont change yourself to be accepted, stay you then this person like you are want to be searched by someone who you can spent the rest of you life together

 

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The New Year … Better and happier ?

Hey Peeps,

Im sorry that i was not really online/blog in the beginning of the new year but i need to clear up somethings and all this. I Hope you all had an lovley New Years Eve. 🙂

Well the last year is over, all the drama, the cry days, the days we lost the hope, the faith everything are done. But does this also directly mean this year gonna be a better and happier year ? Well i cant answear this really ..

In the last days i took some time to look over all m blogs that ive wrote and sadly the bad mood was a big part of all these blogs, i had a lot of down in the last year, honestly almost the whole year 2012 was a bad mood year, all the self-harm days, the sucide thought all this .. it was probertly not the best side of me that i show you all here im sorry for that, i tried to write these like a little diar of my life to try to help some people that they are not alone with some thought or some things that happend, it gave so much hate and sadness in the world no one needs to be alone we all need people around who help us an be there for us.

Well the New year is here and i dont really have some things/wishes for the new year, i just try my best to get away from all these bad mood days, the suicide thought and the cut parts, it would be all not easy i now this, but i try to see the

world from a whole diffrent side to see all this a little bitt lighter as it is more colour and try to enjoy the days they i spent here on the world, the life is something that we all need to appreciate and be thankful for it (Unbelievable that i say this 🙂 ), i have wonderfull people like elli, claudi ,tiffy. sophie, biene, jenny, moni and sarina around me who love t spent as much as time together, for them i try to dont give up, to smile more, just being happy.

You see the wolrdl ike you wanna see them sure it gaves a lot shit and bitches in the world but give a shit about them, they are just not in comming with themself the have issues and try to hide them and start annoying and bully you, they dont know how hard the life can be, dont listen to this what they say ot do, give a shit, just smile and think im better as her million times better 🙂 .

Dont give up it gave a lot of things to breathe and to enjoy the life, so go out and show the world your beautifull smile

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ps: I dont wanna say that i dont write anymore some bad mood blog we all have sometimes a really really bad day, but i try to see my life in a diffrent view and make it happier as it was 🙂

xx sarah 🙂