Getting Judged

Hey Hey,

Ive seen or read it quiet a lot and to be honest you cant do anything right in the eyes of others. Everything you do is wrong and you get judged, it doesnt care what you wear, what you think of, how you wanna live your life or how you decided to change your eating behaviour. It just doesnt care people wll judge because you are diffrent and in their eyes diffrent is wrong.

I cant really count how many times i got judged just because i have a different opinion on things, or just because i dye my hair. Its always the same people judge.

I dont know why they always do, if they are bored or whatever, i wish people would stop judge others, why do they dont accept everyone, its a free world where everyone should live their live how they want. We have 2015 and in some countries people are still afraid to live their love life open to others, why dont we all accept love is love no matter what gender. Why does it still have to be a “wrong” attitude. ITS NOT.

Why does Teenagers still get judged just because they dont wear the new Nike Airforce ? Or when they look different live a diffrent style, or whatever, people look like that because they want to, they express themself like that, dont point with a finger on them, let them alone and care about your own buisness. Or at least talk to them and ask them why they live a dffrent live to yours, you will see sometimes it can be pretty interesting.

People have to stop to judge others eatng behaviour, when people want to live Vegeterian/vegan let them. Its a decision they made and they are happy with it and no they eat enough and no they dont have tp make some pills because of it o they might miss some vitamins, dont worry we are fine! Dont judge just because you dont know anything about it, better ask before you judge and you will see we get enough to eat and in the year of 2015 theres a lot of food made for Vegeterians/Vegans so dont worry.

Dont be stupid and judge people who you dont know, ask them why they live like that might you find some new friends in thoose poeple who knows, i found a lot of people who are diffrent but im glad a start to talking to them because in the end we have a few things n common and we are now really good friends so stop to judge and start to talk with thoose people, theres already enough hate in this world so make a change. Every Voice is a change for something better in the future.

x  Sarah

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Love is Love no matter which Gender you or your partner are.

Hey People,

Pretty often in the news or in the Television the Love between two men or two woman is still a big deal, or in diffrent countrys like russia its not allowed to live in a releation ship like this, its not allowed to fall in love with the same gender.

Some kind of people still think that something is wrong with thoose people or they are sick or disgusted by them, sure everyone has a own view of all this, but i cant understand this LOVE is LOVE, no matter what even wehen you have the same Gender. I really cant understand people who start hating people who Love the same Gender they are all human the same like we are they Love someone truly and do the same things that Man and Woman do in their relationship, the only diffrence is the Gender and actually this shouldnt be a thing to hate someone for.

We are all human and we are all looking for love and searching for someone who we can love and spend the rest of my life with, no one should ever get hated, bullied or offend for something that makes himself happy.

I think we all live in 2014 now and it shouldnt be a big deal anymore for getting arrested just because you LOVE.

Selena Gomez an actress, singer and all round talent had a World Tour in 2013, she had plannend to play a few concert in russia, she is a suport for same Marriage and Love, her Visum for Russia got denied cause she supports it, theres not just russia where people get problems. In the USA theres still some states where its not allowed to marry the Love of your life just because the same Gender.

Like in the Soccer career its still not a thing to talk about “Outings” its still a forbidden thing cause they are to scared to get attacked from Fans or even other Soccer player. In Germany a ex- National player called Thomas Hitzlsperger. After he left his football career he admits that he is Homosexual. He was to scared to talk about it in his career but after he left his Job as a Soccer he found the strenght to talk about it.

Also some Youtuber called Tyler Oakley and Troye Sivan found the strenght to talk about it, they are both homosexual and they show it and are proud of it, Troye shot a Video 07.08.2013 when he admits the whole world that he is gay, he filmed a Video called Comming out “Link below”, he talks about it how he felt and everything you should watch it if you are scared to have you own comming out.

— > https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoL-MnXvK80 <—

Theres so many people in the world who are Homosexual or Lesbian

– Ellen Degeneres

– Ricky Martin

– Elton John

– Lance Bass

– Jodie Foster

and many many more.

You cant judge people for what they love and live for, when you look on the street or at the train station in someones  eyes you cant see if they ot not, all what you see is a wonderfull human who live.

People who get hated or bullied mostly start to self-harm cause they cant stand the hate what they get, and they didnt even deserve this, they start to loose the happiness in they life and get depressed and really sad, sometimes it sadly end with suicide just because they open to people that they Love someone who seems to be in their eyes not right . So many people died of suicide just because getting bullied or something else in some country all over the world they also get killed because of this, or they get sexual abused. Itsnot right and never will. Sometimes i feel very sad and really angry why people are so stupid andy why they hate something where they dont have a clue from. They just listen to other people ot the newspaper what they say that dont even have a own oppinion so people make me sick, let them alone.

For me personally one of my uncle admits almost at christmas that he is homosexual and i was happy about it cause he talked with us about it and for me its wasnt a big deal a still love him cause he is still the same person, lots of my school friends are now lesbian and now, nothing they all found someone who they really love and this makes me happy, i personally dont judge someone for the point that he or she love the same Gender or might both who know. I honestly wouldnt say no to a wonderfull woman when she ask me to do kiss or something, and would you be Honest to yourself you woulnd also say no when “Jennifer Lawrence/Megan Fox) ask you ;).

We all have a tough time in our life we try to do the best what we can we have all trouble at work with family and friends or something else and all what we dont want is to get judge for something thats actually normal but for some people its nor right or wrong or thoose people are sick.

Please let thoose people alone and let them live their own life its not your fucking deal do bully, judge thoose people they are lovley and sweet wonderfull people and they deserve to be happy. Dont be jeleous just because they found the love of their life an you dont.

I do and always will Support them

Thats all what i want to say

xx

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Theres no diffrence right ?

Friendship

First of all im deeply sorry for having a little time out with blogging .. i needed some time for myself to figure out a few things and all this but i try to blog now more xx

We all have a lot and some just a few people around ourself that we call “friends” people who we truly love and talk to when we need someone to talk. Friends are really important people in our life except beside parents and the family, with friends you can talk about your problems, they dont judge you for being you, friends are there when you need them.

Since we all were little we searched for friends like in the kindergarden, the early beginning of searching people.

In our Life we might still our old friends that we knew for a very long time, but people change over the years and somehow they figure out that they are not that close anymore as they was. When we all started to go to the highschool we all tried to find people who listen to the same music like we do, love the same things, we tried to find some for not being alone.

In our early years it was way  easier to find new friends, it doesnt count how you look,who you are or what you stand for,  you wanted just some fun in the School breaks or after School.

But now in our all teenager lifes and in the Soceity of 2013 its really hard to find new people who accept you for who you are and what you love. Theres always and everywhere people who hate you for who you are and they dont accept you way how you life your live. They try everything to break you, the try to hate yourself for who you are.

People start getting really rude in their teenage age  and still after that they didnt change they attitude to all these things. The soceity makes it for us the teenager not really easy to find new people who you can trust 100%, its getting harder and harder year by year, we all lost our friends because we didnt had much time with them  or we start loving diffrent things, theres always many ways why a friendship broke. I think all of you had this one friends that you thought you share your whole life with but at the end it broke sadly …

Sometimes you see it comming that the friendship start to change you dont talk that much like before or your love to something is not the same anymore, the other person start to talk with others way more about things, and it makes yourself really sad cause you cant really understand why all this happend, what did you´ve done to deserve to treated like that, sometimes püeople change like 180* and are complete diffrent, its normal for a person to change we all change in one way, but the thing is, are the people change themself with or without you, do they still want you in their life when they dont show you this feeling ?

A Friendship is not something that comes and stay for doing nothing, a real friendship is hard work for both sides to keep them.  A Friend need to fight for you trust and for the place in your heart, its not like hey be my Friend for the next 80 Years, no its not that easy, i mean not for me, for me i need to know everything about a person to call him a friend.

Sure its normal to have sometimes a little fight with your friends, its normal to have sometimes a diffrent view about a few things but the important thing is you need to accept this other view to this and still love this person for this, to have always the same love for something is not always good, you shouldnt change yourself for the other peson to like you, that would be stupid, cause you are who you are and you should be proud of this when people dont like you for this that this are not real friends, and a little fight between you and your friends brings you sometimes closer as you was, sure theres alwas the point that a friendship can break but then it was not the right and real one.

When you really love a person and you want her in your life, then be you, true friends accept you for this and love you.

x Sarah

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Stop Bullying and act normal like everyone else ! ELE

Hey People,

I wanna talk/write about something that i see really often in the newspaper, the Television almost everywhere its getting talked about it so often but it diesnt really changed anything. Im Talking about the wolrdwide disease of the Word and acting “bullying”. I Talked a few times about it and im sure i will start talking about it a few times more cause its still really big everywhere in the world and this is not right !

I mean we are all human, we have all feelings, we act diffrent, we talk diffrent, yeah we look diffrent, but we are all at our own way special and unique i mean how would the world be when we are all the same look like everyone else, act like everyone.

It would be boring right ?

I wanna say yeah we are all diffrent in so many ways but this is what made a persone better said a human to something that we want to know more about and might to fall in Love to this Person, and maybe spent the rest of our lifes with this Person.

 

But theres this People who think when you are diffrent like they are you would suck, worthless, ugly, fat, stupid, a whore …..

 

They start calling you all these names and many more, they want to bring you down, just for feeling themself better as they are, to play the Boss in School/Work or somewhere else. Bullying is not right and one of the most disgusting things that happen on the World sine Years. You get hated just about the fact that you are diffrent ? No this is not right !

They dont know what happend with people who get bullied, some are get bullied for month/years, it leaves scars in they soul they start feeling unnecessary, wrong at the place where there thought they are happy. They dont know why they getting hated for what, some of them try to find a way out of it some goes the way over Anorexia to look like the Soceity want us to bring, some start cutting themself to make that the feel go away, and with that i dont mean just one Cut, NO, i mean cut by cut all words is one cut sometimes, or the last way the Suicide the last way to get all out of this and to bring someone to this end is not anymore funny. So many people are so deeply depressed by the fact to get bullied and if this is not enough in the News, Magazines, Tv everywhere theres a thing called soceity who makes all this not even better to look at these “normal” looking people with their unhalty size 0 and then they are we all, how we look like and start thinkin might my bully people are right im to fat “even when you are Skinny” and some start getting a distorted view of our own Body.

To grow up in a world like we have right know is a really hard thing cause you get choose by people how you look like, how much money you have and what you wear and with thoose you act like you would be someone better as the others you start letting your own problems out by bullying others let all your own hate out and you dont think about that what thoose people think and what happend with them and all this.

Everyone of you who has every bullied, think before you speak and dont act like a fucking asshole ( im sorry ofr saying that but its the truth ) just by the fact for being cool enough or something like this, you can kill people or bring people into Anorexia and bring them to do Suicide.

Its not funny to bully and not even cool, i would feel ashamed, with every single word what you say you can kill one person in life,

 

  • – you can ruin a perfect looking girl with calling her fat and ugly, just because of you shes now dealing with eat disorder and is depressed
  • – you can ruin a young kids life with calling his dumb, fat and worthless, might he start cutting, smoking substanze, and start thinking about suicide

– you can ruin a person with words like

Slut , whore, fat, ugly, fagot, stupid, dumb, disgusting and many more

 

I just wanna tell everyone who read this here right know and are a victim of people who bullied. No matter how you look like, how much you weight, how you talk or what you like, you are worth it to live, to be happy day by day and you are a wonderfull and beutifull persone on earth dont listen to this people you get loved by so many people you friends love you for your heart and not for that what you look like.

And now the last words to the bully people, shame on you, shame on you for bully, shame on you for calling people words, just shame on YOU .. I hope you can live with the fact that you already killed people with the words oyuve already said think about it, and might you shoudl stop now theres enough hate in the world and we dont need more hate we should all stick together ans spend the years of out own life happy and now being scared to leave the house and know that you get bullied again, how would you feel when you get bullie dday by day and this over years  ?

 

– Everybody loves Everybody

 

Sarah

 

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Suicide Soundcloud Message

Hey People,

For about a few weeks, i was at a down and start scrolling trough my Tumblr with the Search words for

Depressed, Suicide, Cut , Alone , Selfharm

 

and i found something that changed my view about the whole Suicide completly, i cant even describe in which way it changed but i thought well i should listen to this let see what this is.

The Soundcloud Mp3 is from a girl called ErikalynXo i dont know if she fight against self Harm or Suicide thought or what else but she upload something in Soundcloud called

“Suicide”

 

I expected something about her Story, about the way how she planned might a Suicide or anything else so i start clicking on the play button and within 2 Seconds no words nothing this touched me really she start talking with the First words

 

” You sitting at your desk”

 

She start talking about it like it is you, in your own view, it goes 11 mins a bit more and all this changed my view about this i cant really describe how but this was really “impressing” its ight not the right word but i think it exlain it the best how i wanna describe it.

She start talking about is, like its your Story, your way to plan a suicide but she dont end when you re dead no she show you the way after you what is with the people who loves you that you didnt see, the people around you and all this, i honestly got goosebumbs and start crying while listen to this here.

At one site i was fascinated about this Soundcloud but otherwise it scares me to hell, how good she knows “me” in that way, and my way what i planned but early enough stopped and all this just a stranger a girl can change so many minds from so many diffrent people around the world …

i start a few time to write a blog about this but didnt really know how to start and now i just decided to write what i think and when you have these thoughts in you in your mind or just sometimes for about a few minutes please Listen to this here its kinds “wonderfull” How 1 Girl can change from so many people her own mind.

Still when you have problems with Self-Harm ot anything that destroys Yourself please take these 11 mins and close your eyes might use your headphone to hear it clearly and Listen to this its something special in his own way.

Heres the Link to it

 

https://soundcloud.com/eriikaa/sucide

 

It nothing big but might it can help you to see your own life now diffrent then

before, you see things diffrent, your thoughts about it are maybe diffrent ..

Let me know what do you think about this Soundcloud Message.

x Sarah

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Thoughts over Thoughts

Hey peeps,

Hope you are all good and everything runnings good in your life ?

In the last days and weeks i thought about allot of things good and bad ones and i start re reading my old blogs here that i post and i dont know i said pretty often its getting better and all this in the last weeks it doesnt really run good to be honest, sometimes i dont know what think about this whole situation, my mum said when one door close for you then somewherea new one open for me.

But Honestly the past month/year i just had always closed doors and i dont know how many doors i try to open to be finally there where i want and can stay ?

I didnt talk to anyone about all this cause i dont know the whole situation between my friends feels like as somthing change i dont know why always when i feel i shoud say something to be not alone here i feel like i would annoy them cause im not really a happy person and have so many good stuff to talk about i had in the past just shit to talk about and thats why i decided for a few weeks ago to stop talking about my problems and whats really going on, but i feel like its getting to much at the moment, i sit alone look a few times aday at my screen and no messages nothing and this kinda feel weird normally i have messages but it changes in so many ways.

I wish i would really know what happend, wheres the part who all this “relation” between us break and maybe i would know how to fix this or to try to make it better as it already is ?

It felt all so unreal the past weeks i cant even describe it really its like everything else gonna be more important as i am, as all what been said was wrong and not even really true, i just lay at night in my bed i think about a few things and start crying cause i dont understand what happend and what i can do to make all this better as now ?

Theres so many things that i wanna say, but i feel she wouldnt understand what i wanna say and thats the problem i cant tell her really what i feel and how i gonna feel.

This makes it all not easy and it start that something getting between us we talked last year almost every day sometime a couple times a day but now 3 times a week ?

What happend ? you said i were important for you but this silence is killing me inside and i dont know what to say or think about it ? did i said something wrong ? did i act wrong or what happend i just wanna know what happend and how i could fix it to get back to the old days is this to much ? I dont wanna loose the reason(s) why im still here and try to stay here ?

I Just want to see you and hug you is this to much that i want ? Just to have you back at my site and feeling complete and not lost anymore ?

x sarah

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Words do hurt

Hey people,

Im Sorry for the long break with not posting anything but i couldnt find the right words to post something, to find the right words that would gave a sense i felt myself so empty in the past weeks, i cant even descibe what happend with me, but on it happend something that i need to talk about it here its unbelievable what happend and how rude people can be and how much they can hurt  one person with just a few words.

i was at the weekend at a concert and was really looking forward to it, i met infron of the hall a few girls they were all so sweet and we had at the end such ann amazing time together and we are still in contact, one of them is a Beauty blogger and post a sweet picture of us on her page cause we had a awesome night but these comments under it i read it and read it over and over again ….

Look at the fat girl right next to you , this fat girl wanna look like you athey maked fun about me laughin about me

just about the fact i dont have a size zero , im not that beautiful as others yeah i dont look like the perfect person im not that beautiful but all this means im not that worth it to have a amazing night, to have fun all night long …. and people need to destroy it with words like this ?

I think these people dont know what they do when they write words down like this, how words can ruin a life from a person how easy people can fall into a depression, start cutting and commitet suicede people dont know nothing about this, all what they know is

Hey i bullied a  girl im now cool enough, yeah im so good now, im so strong …

I think sometimes these people have also problems and they dont find the right way to let it out and start bullyinf others to make feel themself better or i just want to help myself i dont know.

All what i know is i start crying after reading this it hurts so much to read stuff but im a person who read it over and over again to hurt myself always a bit more at the one site i just feel something but its not a good feeling i wrote something down on twitter and my friends react to this they wrote stuff under that picture that all this what the wrote is not okay, and what this girl think when she write this … there was also a few other user who wrote how disgusting this girl is to write stuff like this …

But it was so surreal to read i just saw all this negative stuff to bad words the hate against me  … I know how it felts to get bullied but i thought t finally stopped but i was wrong ….

I thankfull for having this girls in my life they accept me for who i am, and how i look they are there for me and im thankfull for my sisters i really love them.

But  ….

Theres these thought i know i have people who care about me who love me and all this but its so hard to going trough life with people like this in the world i know they are everywhere but why cant these people let us alone and let us live our own life.

After that after leaving my computer i was laying in my bed and the tears was back i cryed a lot in this night and was alone with myself there was a lot of thought in my head.. suicide thougth.. i just cant stop to think about thinks like this , the life is such a bitch and theres poeple who disgusted me like hell

words was running through my mind but i dont want to annoy someone to talk with me cause they all sleep and i dont want to wake anyone of them up just about the fact my mind is fucking around. Im Not proud about it what ive done this night im not really proud but i could find anything to stop all this im still here but i dont know all this kicks me all the time back into a part where i dont wanna be, where im not that strong where im weak like idk …

Is it to much that i just wanna live my life without getting bullied about what im doing, i just want to be love for who i am is this to much ?

I just want to live a happy life … without any doubts and smiling all day ….

Heres the pictures where everyone start talking against and laughing about me  im sorry for not being perfect and for my face ..

Konzert - Imagine Dragons in Köln

Friendships …

Hey People,

First of all im sorry for not posting in the ast weeks nothing, i didnt really know how to put my minds into words and write it all down, it happend in the last weeks a lot of stuff, which i need to think about and see how everything goes his way, but now im back :).

Well everyone has friends who you share as much time as you can together with your besties your sister or people who you truly love, almost everyone in the world has some friends.

To become friends is Sometimes not reall a easy way sure when you re young it doesnt count what you wear or have, all what you need is someone who you can play with and have some fun, whe you re young everything is a little bit easier as now.

In the life to grow up to an adult ( woman/men), its getting a little bit complicated, cause in this years, some just look to that what you wear and how much money do you have, a attitude who is completly wrong!. You cant say a good person has alot of money and wear just brand clothes and thoose who has not much money they are stupid and not worth it to get to know them a little bit more.

I saw it in my growing up life a lot, not just b other also by me when you dont have the Size 0 or whatever you re “worth it” to have friends its sad. But honestly thoose people can be the best friends in the world.

And a friendship cant survive when these “feelings” are just from one site, both sites need to fight for a friendship it gave always good times and bad times when you survive the bad times together, then become these friendship to somethig bigger and to something beautiful. ou get to know the other person a lot more and you know that you can trust these person like no one else and this is a wonderfull thing. Someone you can always talk with when you feel bad and need someone to talk to.

A Friendship is something to belive in and to start fighting against Haters, rumours and some other shit.

Sadly sometimes you feel that the connection starts to break with your friend(s), you feel that you loos them or can loose and that just you are the last one who try to hold the connection between you both. its like that the other site already give up or for her its not even that important to her to hold the good “realationship” between you both and you start to ask yourself is it worth it to put some power, love and trust in this to hold that up. ?

Sometimes is it totally worth it to fight when you have something wonderfull like this its hard defently but my mom always said when you fight so badly for something and your heart say its right that you must fight for this cause this is something Honest what you nneed and love, you need to care about a friendship its like a glasshouse you need to care about it everysingle day to hold is close to you, sure its not always easy to get in touch with them,

but just a little hi, how are you is sometimes more as to say nothing really.

Well and then theres thought, why should I fight for something what means for me more as for her, its always hard to loose someone who you though you can trust to, who was honest and real to you, but people change themself somtimes sadly without you and they dont want to have you still in their life. Its hard and its okay to let all your emotions out.

Say what you to say, dont hold it for you say it loud !! You are also human and have feelings and when you are worried about someone to loose who you thought you have them until the rest of you live, say it you cant destroy much more as it already is but then you can say . You done your best you fight and did everything.

and then this one was not the right friend for you and you gonna find her someday, people who doesnt care about you or dont ask you how you feel and all that are not real friends that is something that i realise its hard but its realistic …

So dont change yourself to be accepted, stay you then this person like you are want to be searched by someone who you can spent the rest of you life together

 

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The New Year … Better and happier ?

Hey Peeps,

Im sorry that i was not really online/blog in the beginning of the new year but i need to clear up somethings and all this. I Hope you all had an lovley New Years Eve. 🙂

Well the last year is over, all the drama, the cry days, the days we lost the hope, the faith everything are done. But does this also directly mean this year gonna be a better and happier year ? Well i cant answear this really ..

In the last days i took some time to look over all m blogs that ive wrote and sadly the bad mood was a big part of all these blogs, i had a lot of down in the last year, honestly almost the whole year 2012 was a bad mood year, all the self-harm days, the sucide thought all this .. it was probertly not the best side of me that i show you all here im sorry for that, i tried to write these like a little diar of my life to try to help some people that they are not alone with some thought or some things that happend, it gave so much hate and sadness in the world no one needs to be alone we all need people around who help us an be there for us.

Well the New year is here and i dont really have some things/wishes for the new year, i just try my best to get away from all these bad mood days, the suicide thought and the cut parts, it would be all not easy i now this, but i try to see the

world from a whole diffrent side to see all this a little bitt lighter as it is more colour and try to enjoy the days they i spent here on the world, the life is something that we all need to appreciate and be thankful for it (Unbelievable that i say this 🙂 ), i have wonderfull people like elli, claudi ,tiffy. sophie, biene, jenny, moni and sarina around me who love t spent as much as time together, for them i try to dont give up, to smile more, just being happy.

You see the wolrdl ike you wanna see them sure it gaves a lot shit and bitches in the world but give a shit about them, they are just not in comming with themself the have issues and try to hide them and start annoying and bully you, they dont know how hard the life can be, dont listen to this what they say ot do, give a shit, just smile and think im better as her million times better 🙂 .

Dont give up it gave a lot of things to breathe and to enjoy the life, so go out and show the world your beautifull smile

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ps: I dont wanna say that i dont write anymore some bad mood blog we all have sometimes a really really bad day, but i try to see my life in a diffrent view and make it happier as it was 🙂

xx sarah 🙂

Burned Out, numb and sick of still living here, just let me die please

Hey ….

I cant desribe what i feel right know or what i should feel, all what i feel is pain, hate, and being alone, today was the Funeral of a close friend of the Family, this shows me again how fast and easy the life can be end, and how often i wish i could go this way,

just the last breathe through my lungs, the last blood trough my venes, the last word from my lips, the last hearbeat …

I feel myself like burned out, nothing cares anymore like i would be numb, honestly i cant really describe it, theres something in me what cares but otherwise for what just to be there to say goodbye to loved people im sick of this, the last 3 years every year again, me and my family need to say goodbye to our love ones, i want that this end now, im sick of staying in front of the grave to say the last goodbye, im sick of feeling how the tears running through my face and over my cheecks, why cant this end a year without saying goodbyes to people, is this wish to much ?

I just want to have some rest time with thoose who i love for that what the are but the truth is my Uncle is really sick and he could die each day, his neck aorta is so thin that they could rip every moment, im scared to loose him 2013, i dont know how i could stand this, he that whos still in my family, hes my uncle who i love the most.

When people leave me like this without sharing some rest beautiful moments, its not fair, the life isnt really fair.

Theres people who get every thing and theres me and some other who need to fight for everything, to be worried about everything und need to say goodbye to soon in our lifes, we are like all other humans with heart and i think we all deserve to have some left time with thoose who we love, i dont wanna stand again in front of a grave to say goodbye, i wouldnt survive this goodbye, so when god mean to take all those from me then please take me with them, for what should i still be there ?

When those who i love are all together without me, at a place where we all could be happy together, this sounds like paradies, the place where i belong to and where i could be happy.

Seriously the last days i had alot of thinking about in my head, theres not a llot people who would miss me or would care about me. Some of those dont know how i feel, what i wanna say all the time.

I m like num the only thing thing what i feel is when the blade rush trough my skin, the blood runs trough my body, this all what i feel and it would never change it, nobody cares whats going on.

Sometimes i regret it to take the pills for a few month just the last step out of all this what some called LIFE, it would be all much easier when im not here anymore, the blade just help me in the moment maybe some minutes but when when the blood stop running theres the life back of hate, bullying, being fucked up ad being alone where no one cares  ….

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life ?

My Soul is one of those that never can be fixed

Sarah

 

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