Post Concert Depression

Hey World,

I want to bring up something that im dealing with so often in the past 3 Years. Im talking about a Post Concer Depression, might some of you know what im talking about, but for thoose who not know heres some information and the feeling i get over and over again

For many people like me a Concert is not just a concert where we go to and have some time together, might dancing around and something, for me a Concert is always something to look forward to , to be happy about just something to keep me alive and dont let me getting insane in this whole World. A Concert is for me something magical that no one could ever gave me, this feeling i get when i wait in the line before the show 2,4 or maybe even 10 hours, yeah for some of you this sounds crazy or something but for me its something i wanna do to might have the chance to meet one of the people who helped and saved my life so many times.

To know i get closer to the time when i just can let fall my mask that i wear day by day to act like im happy and smiling, i just can be myself in this 2 Hours, i can spend my time with 1000 Strangers in one room but all i know is we have all something in common we are all there for this Band, something just because the same reason others are just there to spend an awesome time ans then go home and thats it.

Not for me, in this 2 Hours, i just can be me, i dont need to act like im happy cause in this 2 Hours i really am happy, i smile and i really mean it, its everytime a new experience on a concert its always diffrent but at the end it makes me always unbelievable happy. My Life isnt always the best and easy one, i try my best day by day i do things that i dont like at jobs,pretend if im allright day by day, we all do this somehow and all this stress we had this anger in us, it falls down from our shoulders within seconds of standing in the crowd, we look up to the Singer or the Band why we are there, when the first melody, the first line it gets us, everything is surreal, everything we see looks so bright so beautifull, we forget everything what was or even is and we are there where we belong to.

When the first lyrics starts you already know them you can sing everysingle line everysingle word, the melody goes through you body you heart is beating to the melody that got played, you start dancing like its one f the normals things, the people right next to oyu to the same, thousand of people enjoying something so special and wonderfull at the same time. You Jump up and down, theres not much room where you stand but it doesnt care, even if you fall someone picks you up and smileys at you, you´ve me surrounded by so many wonderfull people. You dont feel how the time flies how short actually 2 hours are …  Some Lyrics of some songs mean the most to you, words that saved you, words that helped you when no one was there. You start crying cause they sing about something how you feel, what you´ve been  going through or still dealing with. You look up to them, sing with them everysingle word and crying cause theres someone who understands how you feel and he is always there for you.

The moment when the Show is over, the Bands leaves the stage, you cant really realise what happend, how can be 2 hours so short, its all surreal and you are just there and dont know what to do, to think or you dont even know wheres the exit, you waited for this moment might weeks or Month sometimes also years for this special moment and then its over.

You leave the Hall where there performed, you might check the merch to grab something from their stuff and then you leave you might wait till they might comes out or you go home, filled with Happiness and sadness at the same time. You cant even describe really how you feel you have a smile on your face and tears in your eyes. All what you want is already going back to see this show again and again. You know tomorrow is the same old life back the time where you put your Mask on and pretend you are allright and everything is fine.

a Days or Days you feel sick and alone, you can start crying directly when you look back to the show, you get the good feeling back when you think about the whole show, but then you wake up and realise its over and you start crying like hell, you want to be happy, you want the show back your lifesaver on stage everything but you cant. This is a Post Concer Depression.

I dont know i cant even count how much i had a depression like that actually my whole life is a Post Concer Depression, cause there i can be who i am and dont need to pretend something diffrent.

You try to find in the Social Network people who feel the same like you, people who understands you, the feeling you have and how much you miss this Band this feeling, you try to look forward to, to the next show or planning to travel to another city to see them Live, i already did this i traveld through my whole country to see a Band live, for some it might sounds crazy but for me its the only thing that keeps me alive.
Together we are strong, a Fanbase should stay together cause we all feel the same, we go all through the same emotional rollercoaster, we find new people with diffrent storys and nobody should get judge by what hes been listen to. We all want to break out of Life jsut for 2 Hours we just want to feel again. Even when just for 2 Hours.

Thats my Story

If You want you can write me yours x

Sarah

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LifeSaver

 

Hey World,

We all know how it feels it be alone, no ones there to talk to, or someone you can call or anything else. For people like us it can be a really dangerous situation, we are not save in situations likes this, we always try or even promise to stay strong but sometimes, our thoughts are louder that any promise we ever gave.

For us every dark situation, every bad thoughts are a non stop battle against ourself, we alwas try to win but sometimes we need to accept that we loose. We all have or might had a lot of battles against ourself or still batteling, its a never ending fight. In times like this some dont really know what they want for me personally i wish i could write a person that i need them in this time really bad ( might some of you feel the same ) but i cant, i was never a person who asked for help or anything.

Over the past month and years i become to an really god actor to play the perfect role, the perfekt smile happy face to show yeah of course everything is fine i put my mask on and played the game but at the inside i was dying everytime a little bit more.

Sometime people ask me if im ok or not, but even then i lie to them cause i dont want that they know about my real problems whats ive been battle against, or whats in my head and in my mind, i was 2 times at the point to give them all an end, 2 fucking time, sometimes i sit at a train station and think well one jump and its over .. just one step …

But then i remind myself abput something, theres something that helped always when i feel bad and alone and when no friend is there, its the music for me something really important, she is always with me and i know which song i need to choose, i know which band helps me with their lyrics, its like they understand me, what ive been going through or all what thinking about in this situation they are there for this moment and they say these words that i need, Bands like

– Simple Plan

– Linkin Park

– Good Charlotte

thats just the top theres some more and these are the band that i normal listen to in times like these when i just need someone.Musix and specially these Bands are my lifesaver, so many times they helped me, so many times they stopped me when i was start to cut again what no one of my friends knows ..

Theres always a  small line between giving up and stand up again to fight the battle from the beginning. I really Love my Friends but they have all so many problems and i dont want to bother them with mine too, the deserve so much more to be happy, to smile and to enjoy the life. My Friends are my everything if you hurt them you hurt me too. There are also my lifesaver they helped me in the past so often, theres no us without you and me. My Babes are my heart and my soul, i know that i fight all this battles for them that i need to be strong for them, we all need to be strong for everyone, when one person gives up, then we all fall, 2 girls saved for almost 1,5 years my life, but they wrote me they was there and im really thankfull for this i really am. Without them i wouldnt be here anymore.

Day by Day we fight, we have battles with others or with ourself, we get everytime a little bit stronger out of the fight yea we loose sometimes but we need to look forward to, do it for the people who loves you and who you love.

Dont forget Bands are always there and Listen

 

Im Proud of you, you are still here xx

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Clean since 36 days

The diffrence between a Fan and a Stalker

Hey Peeps,

Hope you are all good right now.

I think we all know what a Fangirl is when not heres a little information about it 😉

A fan, sometimes also called a supporter, is a person who is enthusiastically devoted to something, such as a band, a sports team or entertainer. Collectively, fans of a particular thing or person constitute its fanbase or fandom. They may show their enthusiasm by being members of a fan club, holding fan conventions, creating fanzines, writing fan mail, or by promoting the object of their interest and attention

I think all was or still be a Fangirl, i dont even care from what or for what you are an Fangirl when you support someone/Something with all you heart then you do it right.

I think all this “being a Fangirl” starts really early i think we all have in our ealry teenager lives a Band Mostly a “Boyband” not always who we love and nonstop listen to. We want to know everything from then from the music stuff and some random stuff, we want to meet them and to share some time with them, to talk about so many things and how much we love them and sometimes how much they helped someone in a really bad time.

Through all this Fandom ( a place where people talk about the same Band/People/Youtube ) we start meeting people from all over the world we talk with them a lot find new best friends who understands the obsession to someone or something. For outstanding people its sometimes not really easy to understand all this “Fan Stuff”, we search for people who understands all this. In the Year of 2013 its quiet easy to find a lot other “Fangirls” around the world in Social Networks like Twitter/Facebook/Tumblr/ask.m/ and many more, we all have a chance to google about our Bands to watch videos from other concerts new Videos what they upload, it felt like that you really know this person.

In bad times you can grab a Dvd, listen to their music, whatching their youtube videos and a lot more that helps you to make you happy again, just something little can reach so much.

Sadly sometimes this little obsession that you´ve got can get into something really seriously called “Stalker”. Everyone in this world has his own Privat life that he wants to keep privat but theres always people who dont understand this and try everything to get closer to these people, they thing they are really close to them just about the facgt that they watch all the videos, saw them many times at concerts, the “celebrities” are always thankfull what their fans do for them because they wouldnt be there when the fandom wouldnt excist but, some people are too deep and dont see the line or the point where they need to stop.

Yes we all love the same person but theres a big diffrents between Fanlove and Love from a Fan, we all should think about the fact they all have their own life that they wanna life and it always gave reasons why starts dont share everything with the Fans, and these need to accept this.

And a Stalker is a serious thing thats getting dangerous sometimes, when you dont know what i mean with it …

Stalking is unwanted or obsessive attention by an individual or group toward another person. Stalking behaviors are related to harassment and intimidation and may include following the victim in person or monitoring them. The word stalking is used, with some differing meanings, in psychology and psychiatry and also in some legal jurisdictions as a term for a criminal offense.

According to a 2002 report by the National Center for Victims of Crime, “Virtually any unwanted contact between two people [that intends] to directly or indirectly communicates a threat or places the victim in fear can be considered stalking”[1] although in practice the legal standard is usually somewhat stricte

We all dont want to ruin something a love to someone or anythign else by keep stalking these people, we should support them with watching videos or listen to their music, then they comming back sooner as we think.

People need to realise theres a line between A Fan and A Stalker, Stars do a lot for their fans not all but theres a lot, and to become to an stalker scares the Starts i mean who wouldnt be not scared about a person that knows everything about you and follows you whereever you go and all this.

Theres always a small line and we all need realise, that we are all just Fans and should respect the privatcy about all these starts they just dowhat they love in pubplic and they all have their own rights to have a own life that they want to keep privat so please when you ound pictures or whatever from a start please dont share and report it, they just want to live a normal life beside their famous life, they also just want to be happy.

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Music the escape of life.

Music for might for some of you just something you listen to everyday without any reason you just need something to hear.

And for others like me, the best therapie you could ever get, the best way to get with your mind out of all the hate, problems of life. The Music is something that can give you so many things at the same time ..

.. Hope, Love, Trust, Understanding, Help ..

For me is the music like Air or every pulse or heartbeat, i couldnt live without her i listen to music since i were in the teenager age might a bit earlier but for me the music was always a big part an important part of my life, they helped me so often out of all drama in my life i put my earphone in my ear, click play and the world was on mute. The Music is a wonderfull gift of every artist, everyone has his own special Band or just a Song that gave yourself the feeling that someone understood you, try to help you ot is might just there at the moment.

When you feel alone you know the music is always there for you when others leave you, the music gave you something that others might never can. Theres a lot of different music types in the world tons of ..

.. Pop, Rock ,Rap, Techno, Metal, Alternitive, Hardcore Metal and some more  …

Everyone has his own music type that he love and adore and songs by artist that you love and being a fan of, thoose Songs speak words from your own soul, they tell you your life tr to help you, and being there for you, people who never had this feeling cant understand this, how a song could help a person, help more as a human ever can ..

The Music is a wonderfull gift and they always will, nothing helps specially me more as the music honestly, i have it one my phone, at work and everywhere, shes always there and for that im thankfull when my people around me have sometimes not the time for me i know i can put my earphone in my ear and know soon its getting a bit better with some special songs i love and know that they help me.

The Music is one of the most Important parts of my life and she always will …

What means music to you ? 

xx Sarah

 

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Friendships …

Hey People,

First of all im sorry for not posting in the ast weeks nothing, i didnt really know how to put my minds into words and write it all down, it happend in the last weeks a lot of stuff, which i need to think about and see how everything goes his way, but now im back :).

Well everyone has friends who you share as much time as you can together with your besties your sister or people who you truly love, almost everyone in the world has some friends.

To become friends is Sometimes not reall a easy way sure when you re young it doesnt count what you wear or have, all what you need is someone who you can play with and have some fun, whe you re young everything is a little bit easier as now.

In the life to grow up to an adult ( woman/men), its getting a little bit complicated, cause in this years, some just look to that what you wear and how much money do you have, a attitude who is completly wrong!. You cant say a good person has alot of money and wear just brand clothes and thoose who has not much money they are stupid and not worth it to get to know them a little bit more.

I saw it in my growing up life a lot, not just b other also by me when you dont have the Size 0 or whatever you re “worth it” to have friends its sad. But honestly thoose people can be the best friends in the world.

And a friendship cant survive when these “feelings” are just from one site, both sites need to fight for a friendship it gave always good times and bad times when you survive the bad times together, then become these friendship to somethig bigger and to something beautiful. ou get to know the other person a lot more and you know that you can trust these person like no one else and this is a wonderfull thing. Someone you can always talk with when you feel bad and need someone to talk to.

A Friendship is something to belive in and to start fighting against Haters, rumours and some other shit.

Sadly sometimes you feel that the connection starts to break with your friend(s), you feel that you loos them or can loose and that just you are the last one who try to hold the connection between you both. its like that the other site already give up or for her its not even that important to her to hold the good “realationship” between you both and you start to ask yourself is it worth it to put some power, love and trust in this to hold that up. ?

Sometimes is it totally worth it to fight when you have something wonderfull like this its hard defently but my mom always said when you fight so badly for something and your heart say its right that you must fight for this cause this is something Honest what you nneed and love, you need to care about a friendship its like a glasshouse you need to care about it everysingle day to hold is close to you, sure its not always easy to get in touch with them,

but just a little hi, how are you is sometimes more as to say nothing really.

Well and then theres thought, why should I fight for something what means for me more as for her, its always hard to loose someone who you though you can trust to, who was honest and real to you, but people change themself somtimes sadly without you and they dont want to have you still in their life. Its hard and its okay to let all your emotions out.

Say what you to say, dont hold it for you say it loud !! You are also human and have feelings and when you are worried about someone to loose who you thought you have them until the rest of you live, say it you cant destroy much more as it already is but then you can say . You done your best you fight and did everything.

and then this one was not the right friend for you and you gonna find her someday, people who doesnt care about you or dont ask you how you feel and all that are not real friends that is something that i realise its hard but its realistic …

So dont change yourself to be accepted, stay you then this person like you are want to be searched by someone who you can spent the rest of you life together

 

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My Year 2012 a little review of my life 2012

Hey People,

The last days are here of the Year 2012, what a Year, a lot of happend this year, some good things and some bad things.

I thought a few times about it to write it all down as a little flashback from the Year or a review, might it would be a long one so beware of reading alot.

I collected the year into the month and write all what happend from month to month.

January :

A New Year a new Journey ? In January i bought my concert tickets for the Show from the Boys Sons of Midnight, at this time i didnt thought how important they would be for me. The January was actually a really quiet month i talked a few times with Tiffany and Sophie via Social Networks at my Birthday on the 25. Ive Recived a little Happy Birthday post from the boys (SoM). That was really sweet of them. I was so excited about their very first own show at the 02.02.2012 at the Blue Shell in cologne.

Febuary :

At the 02.02.2012 i finally meet after a few writing messages  Tiffy and Sophie, it was amazing to meet them finally in real. Now i can sa im thankfull for having them in my life ( my Sisters ), we all were so excited to see and meet the boys, the Show was amazing, they had a support act called Benjrose a boys from cologne prett good. After the show all Fans meet the boys for some photos and Autographs but it was really akward that they all know my name haha a weird moment in my life. The Sold there a few Ep Singles with some accoustic songs, the manager didnt stopped to ask me if i want some so at the end i bought 6 of it *haha*. After that night i was on my way home and felt directly in my bad to sleep, at the next day they played a accoustic session in cologne at the Sportcheck, id was on my way with my Friend Monika and meet there Aileen, Sabine, Jess and Sophie. At the Accoustic session the played 2 Songs “The Fire and Never Again”. The Sportcheck where there played filmed it an put it on their online page, here the link,

—> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWBbCrnxlPU <—-

These 2 Days was Incedible, i hoped to see them soon back. Almost a week ago they announced the Tourdates as a Supportact from Livingston, i was so excited, me and Sabine decided to go not just to the cologne show, we also went to the Show in Berlin, the first and the last show of the tour. At the end of Febuary they Released the First Single “The Fire” i bought directly 3 Copys to Support them as much as i can. The First time after Years that i bought Singles.

March:

The Dates was here, the released of their selfname titled Album, i was so excited and happy i couldnt find really the words how happy i was. Unfortently at the same time i start hated to go to work i didnt felt myself very welcome there, i cant desribe exactly how but it was weird to go to work. It was very stressfull and annoying to work with a Boss that has no sense of being a boss. at the end of March i saw my Babs back “Simple Plan” since the beginning a huge Fan of them, unfortently i see them just all 2 years when i have luck they didnt tour a lot in the last years. I was there with an amazing friend called Sarina and i meet there also Sabine, we 3 had so much fun we sit all the time and the boys laugh all the time about us i think because we sit all the time.

April :

What a Stressfull Month i mean im a Florist and it was Eastern, a lot of stress at work. But i was looking forward to the Tour of my Boys. The Boys brought a friend of them with on Tour called Jimmy,hes is one of the craziest dudes i know seriously i scream all the time “Tequila, tequila” what a funny and weird dude. The Cologne Show was amazing we stand in the fron Row ( Tiffy, Sophie, Me, Julia, Sabine, Jessy and Beccy after their performance we leave the front Row ans walked to the Merch stand where the boys was we talked a lot and bought their Shirt what they made. Me and Sabine told the Boys that we also planned to come to the Berlin show they were pretty happy *haha*. We took a Airplane to flight to Berlin, we spent the weekend there, at the Berlin show weve meet Claudi, Elli and Nadine, so sweet Girls. It took a bit of time before we started to talk a lot . The Berlin Show was funny we all Entertained the boys alot with our Jokes adn Everything *haha* it was an amazing night. at the next day was luckly Sunday everything opend and we meet in the city Claudi , Nadine and Elli we spent a few hours in the City, before we leaved berling to fligh back to cologne. Mitchell send me a little Tweet with “Safe Flight back to cologne Girls” this was so sweet.

May :

Back to work, back to the Stress called Mothersday, it was so hard at this day unbelievable. They bought Flowers, omg i didnt know that so many people could buy Flowers *haha*. Luckly a Family fest announced that Sons of Midnight gonna perform there in 6 citys. I was so happy and excited and hoped that i could to some of these shows, they played just 35 mins but hey they played there. The Fest stopped in “Hamburg, Bad Vilbel, Munich, Berlin, Mannheim and Düsseldorf. Unfortently it was all the time a Saturday so i prayed that i get free on these days.

June :

Finally it happends ive got my First Tattoo at the 06.06.at 6oclock * haha*, for me the Tattoo has a special meaning and its very Important just a few people knows the really meaning of it just those who need to know it, i dont care what the other say. Luckly i had Holidays for 2 Weeks and had the chance to go to both Rewe Shows in Hamburg and Bad Vilbel. I Spent 2 weeks in Berlin with my Girls Claudi and Elli, we girls travelled alot throught whole Germany. Ive meet the Girls in Hamburg with Claudis brother Anton, hes such a sweetheart really :). We had a lot of fun at these festival, we was all so happy to see the boys, gladly i had the chance to go with a good friend called, Rabea to a Meet and Greet with the boys we said hello and all that and then i showed them the suprise, my Tattoo, they were shocked and happy at the same time haha. I ask Matt to get Elli, Claudi and Anton and we get them in, we had a lot of fun talked alot and said see you soon in Bad Vilbel. It was an Wonderfull day sadly we had a Car drive of 3 Hours left, but we was happy. After that long drive we fall all driectly in our beds. I Spent some amazing times in Berlin after a Week we packed our bags and drived to Bad Vilbel aka Frankfurt

Me Claudi and Elli took a Hotel to spend 2 night n Frankfurt cause sadyl just Elli had a Drving lesson, and it would be to much when she need to drive so long ways at 2 days. We had a lot of fun in the hotel i kinda miss it to fall asleep right next to my Missy and my Claudi. We meet in Bad Vilbel Sophie and Tiffy to Fangirl together for our boys. We had again the chance to met the boys at the Meet and Greet. Unfortently after a lot of Drama from other people htere were also some Security guys, we all thought okay this is ridicioulus but okay. We laugh about this. The boys played at this time Superman for the First time i think and i love this song its not my Fave but one i truly love. After that perfomance we need to say Goodbye to Tiffy and Sophie :(. They drived back home and we others back in the Hotel for some sleep. At the next day we drived back. i had 5 days left in Berlin and then i took my train back home to cologne. I was really sad about this my heart is and always will be in Berlin.

July :

That what ive never expected happends i lost my Job, at one site i was happy cause it was not even that anymore what is was, it was just stressfull and ive got sick of working lost a lot of weight didnt eat anymore and all this i was from the other site to lost them. It was not the right job. In July there was the next Rewe Family Show this time in Tiffys near in Munich. Elli and Claudi came with the car and i took a carpool tp get to Tiffy. I was happy to see her again :). We talked a lot in the middle of the night finally Elli and Claudi arrived. I cant rememeber how long we were awake but we didnt sleep alot, we put our clothes on and picked up Sabine at the train station. Together we drived 2 Hours to Munich, luckly we meet them again at the meet and greet we never had that much meet and greets in our life hahha always fun. It was so hot there unbelievable, but blue sky, beautiful Show, everything was perfect, after the day we spent in Munich be drove back and fall directly in our bed to leave Tiff at the next day 😦 Such a awfull goodybe, miss my Tiffy. At the end of Jul the Rewe Festival stopped in Berlin that means off to Berlin  *haha* my second home. I slept by Nadine we drunk  alot of alcohol i cant really remember what all happend, but i know no more Jägermeister. We met Elli +Mum, Claudi + Mum, Sarah at the Stage i missed this girls so bad and claudis mummy :(. Unfortently we didnt got an meet and greet but the boys came out for us :). Show awesome like always :). After that the boys came out we talked again alot it was so sweet. At the next day Goodbye from Berlin again, i miss my home.

August :

The Last Rewe, the last time we see this year our Boys it was so sad i baked a cake for Mitch, he ask all the time to get an Rainbow cake so i did one for him haha i also had some Jack Daniels in my bag and a beerfass of 5 Liter. I also did a little present for them a book with memories, that they never forget the days we spent together, we Fangirl a lot we was there with Tiffy, Sophie, Julia, Zuzanna, Gina, Sophies brother and Mum, Veronique. We had alot of fun there. after they show they came out we all said goodbye, me and Gina spent some more time with them Backstage. It was an amazing day nothing can beat that, we bought the boys at the next day to the airport it was hard to say goodbye to get some kisses and hugs for the last time, really hard, cause i know this is the last time for this year. It was a hard time after that i missed the boys really 😦 the and the girls are like m Family, att he time i missed them a lot i start writing these blog here to put all what i thought and what i think down.

Septembre :

I felt myself useless, i lost my job and was not really happy or postiv about the fact that i would find a new one, i van call this that i fall in a bad depression, start cutting again, the bad mood was back and it didnt left me soon, i dont know what i could do or what should i do i just layed on my bed and was sad and depressed the whole month.

Oktober :

At the beginning it was the same i didnt saw an end if all this i wrote a few blogs about whats going on, that was all that ive done, i wasnt really often outside, on the street or out with friends, i was at home and done nothing. At the end of Octobere there was a little light at the end i spend my favorit holiday season with 2 of my lovley friends Sophie and Jessy we had so much fun together for the first time i felt myself happy again i love to spend some time with my girls.

Novembre :

The Stress begun, the days are counting till christmass just over a Month, i start to look forward to think about my future and what i really want and wanna do. At the middle of Novembre i had a concert to look forward to, it was an amazing evening i was there with nadja and jessy we had a lot of fun weve meet the supportband and the Band Called The Used the frontman bert MCCracken is such a sweet guy he is so lovley. We talked a bit took a picture and ive got some autograph it was an lovles evening.

Dezember :

The Last Month of the year, and the most stressful one *haha* i mean hey its christmas the people freak out to get some present cook some delicious stuff at christmas and all this. I wrote some good and bad Blog at this month i tried to write about a lot what im thinking about and all this. I Missed m girls and my Boys at this time the most, my family, those who i love the most, its hard when you know them some of them 15.000 km far away and my girls in whole germany, the life cant be good to us, but i love it that i found them this year, i never wanna miss them again i love them too much.

So this is it i think i tried to write everything down about what im still remember it, the life wasnt really easy this year for me i had a few time where i thought to give up, to end my life, but there was people the stopped me, i gave promises that i still fight and be strong. All what i can say the life can be a bitch, but we must stay strong the soceity is the biggest fake on earth dont believe what she wants to tell you, she lie about whos perfect, who look flawless and all this. Everyone is beautiful in their own way trust me  🙂 Chin up and smile

Thank you all for reading my blog its unbelievable how many people start reading my blogs and follow thank you fro everything what you gave me in this year, i love you all and wish you all a wonderfull 2013 its time that we all get a good year

xxx Sarah

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I Hate it what happen for 12 Years, the family break at this time but he is and always will be my Dad and i kinda miss him :(

Dad and me    Hey ….

I dont know how to say this here, i dont know whats really going in at the moment with my feelings and all this, but i remind myself in the last days pretty often to the times were my Family where together my mum, my dad and my brother.

He did a lot bad things, nothing that i ever could forgive, or really understand.

No one in my family or in my friends base does really know what all happend, it was a hard time for me my mum  and my brother after he divorced and he left us in the year 2000, i was 11 Years old and i remind me at every thing that happend at the time he leave, and it depressed me really.

I mean he left my mum for some problems and all this, but he still has kids that want to see him, i couldnt really understand why he dint want to stay in contact with us , my brother doesnt care this really, he hate him really … I also said pretty often what an asshole he is that i hate him for that what he all did but at times like this at the moment christmas and all this i miss these Father figure, i saw him the last time for over 12 Years.

Its hard for me still now, i start to forget how he really look like and at some times we shared theres just a few left, he is my father and i cant understand why he dont want to stay in contact with me ??

am i such a Bad daughter ??

 

Am i not worth it to be a good daughter or wish my Dad at my site ?

Theres a lot of questions in my head and i cant find an anwear for this ?  A  couple times i thought about it to write him a letter, i have his adress for a lawyer fight against him and me for a couple years .. But what should i write , what should i say …

What is when he dont want any contact with me, or anything else, im scared about this, sure we have no contact now but what if when hes also scared to write me after all this ? I Dont know what to do.

I tried in the last days a couple times to start writing him a letter but i didnt know how to start .. i cant find the words that i wanna say, i cant put this whats in my head on the paper, and who said that hes gonna answear me ?

When i see all the Happy Familys i wish i would have also a Family like this, just being loved for that what i am and dont need to break my head about question where i might be never get an answear for ?

All what i want is a Happy Family, where just love excist and not hate or fake aunts/uncles im sick of shit like this.

…. Just a Happy Family thats all 😦

Give yourself sometimes a break from everything to get a clear view forward, it helps !?

Hello Readers,

Im Sorry for the 2 weeks without anything posted but i needed some time for myself, it was for me important to regonize whats is really important in my life and for what i should fight and not.

I can say this break helps me a lot and i can defently say when you think you have some really big problems in your life or when you feel its getting to much, then directly do something against it take a time out from everything, it really helps to focus yourself to the things they are important for you.

The year is almost done and as might some of you know this years had more downs as highs for me, more shit that no one really need in a life. Thats why i took a break from everything and start thinking about a few things that happend ot what is with next year a lot of important questions where i actually dont have an answear for.

The Life is the only Bitch that you cant Punch in the Face

You are the only person who can help yourself and do some things better fpr yourself no one can help you that much what you actually need, some people cant give you the answear to some question of you, or can make you life that much better and brighter as it is, its a hard way to get out of the dark side of life , from the bad to the good, but you will get stronger when you go through this, it will be hard and not easy, but we are all Stronger that we might know.

When you have some Beautiful friends and Family Around you then we reach every goal that we take, cause people who we love and care about gave something to belive in. They cant give you an answear but they can show you maybe the way that you need to go to find that what you really need.

Give every day the chance to become the best of your life.

I Gave myself the goal, to see now everything a little bit postiver as i did in the past, in the past i saw everything wrong everything was bad and not good, and now i try to see it all a bit better :).

Every little step is a step into a new life, into a happy life where the love and life live. Our Past will always be there but when we can we get out of this Stronger as we ever was and will be. Then What doesnt kill you makes you Stronger, think about this, and realize its true, we have our bad times in the past, the times that we actually wish to forget but, when we really think about this, that all this what happend makes us to this what we are right know, and all this brought us these people around us that we love.

So What i wanna say with this short and little blog is, when you need some time for yourself , then take it, everyone needs some of it and it helps to clear your mid and looking forward to a new way 🙂

xxx Sarah

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ps: I Promise to post in the future now some more blogs xx

People who left footprints in your heart

Hello Readers,

This can be grow up to a wonderfull thing, that you ve meet new people and start loving them with all your heart and with all your love, you miss them like hell and everything but it can change also into something really bad then, footprints can change into really hurting scrars of getting the feeling of being betrayed.

The 2 sites of missing someone

Ive never believed in this that just people can changed your own life in something complete diffrent, i mean when you start think about this, theres actually just people you ve meet.

But this year ive learned it could happend, people who leave footprints of your heart, and they change yourself into something complete new, you find reason and start believing in something good. Ive meet a “Band” and trough these Band ive meet so many people in whole Germany, and we have so much in common and thorugh these Girls and Boys ive change myself in so many ways, im still not over my past and maybe i never get over this but these people gave me more strenght in my life and reasons to smile for something.

Ive heard a few times about this that Strangers become to something really wonderfull like soulmates, sisters or something else, but ive never had this chance to meet people like this. I just learned how mean people can be, and what they can say and do to yourself and with yourself.

But i think the Soceity of 2011/2012 or the next years who are on the way, show us a complete wrong pictures of being Beautiful. I mean with this .. I would never talk to an “Barbie” Girl, i mean with this a girl who looks perfect with all the Make up on and wear just label clothes, that what i mean with “Barbie” girl. I would never to talk to someone like this cause i think these people would ignore a girl like me and i think im not the only one who think the same right know. The Soceity killed the Gene in people to meet new People to being open for something new.

and then its hard to find people who can become for you something impotant and special, its hard to find new people, and we all dont meet new people we never gonna find these wonderfull persons in our lifes. Its kinda sad what the soceity already kills and do with us

When i imagine where i would be right know and who i am right know when ive never gone to this concert at the 11.09.2011. I dont know what happend then ?

At one site it scares me a bit, but at the other site it haqppend something wonderfull in my life. People who accept me for that what i be and always gonna be. These Girls and Boys defently leaved footprints at my heart. They become for to people who i really love and happy about, and i never wanna miss these wonderfull people in my life, cause i dont wanna change it.

In the last few days i start thinking about a few thing, how my life would be now without them and all this, and im not sure where i would be .. But it would be completly diffrent.

The Only advice that i wanna give you, when you found a person who you already see that these person can help you more as some other fight for that , that she or he is stil and always will a part of your life then these people are like diamonds in the world, they shining and being Rare in the world so beware and care.

The Other site of leaving footprints on your heart could be, when a realationship starts to break, and this in nothing really good its sad when someone that you told everything from you, who you love and care about step away from being a part of you life and start being and outstanding persone. This is somethin really heartbreaking and leaves scars on your heart where the footprints was.

We all are never beware of getting hurt by someone who we thought can trust to, but this happend so often in the life but still this hard part of a life can be a lesson who you can learn from, i mean when you ve lost your best friend in your life yeah this is hard but you ve learn from this and getting stronger out of this, you dont see this directly but after days or maybe weeks you will see, you ve learned from this. Trust me i know from what im talking about.

Get strong out of this and make a new start

All these situation making us to this what we are right now, so chin up, smile and enjoy the journey of the life.

xxx Sarah

People cry, not because they re weak. its because they ve been strong for too long

Hello People,

These wise words sad an awesome Actor called “Johnny Depp”.

Everyone has his own issues who he needs to deal or fight against it. Some more some less. It gave so many diffrent problems that someone can have.

” Heartbroken, loose a important person, issues with themself … “

It doesnt really seems to care what issues ou have the point is when someone fight for such a long time and had so much problems its okay to cry and let everything out. To cry doesnt mean  your are weak, sometimes the point is there where everyone need to cry and to let all out, to cry helps sometimes more as to fight, and to be honest who cares what others thinks about you when you start to cry ?

When you need to cry let it out, you are not weak, you was a long time that much strong so to cry isnt weak.

” To cry shows sometimes that you care about something”

Dont hide your Tears then the show that you care and are human then to cry is normal, everyone cry. While watching a movie, when you loose a loved person, missing someone, hear such heartbreaking music … It gave a lot reasons to cry sometimes we also cry about something good when we are happy.

When you meet after years a friends back, getting a lovley present or message, when you are excited about something really big or other Stuff.

It gave so many reasons to cry and no one of these things show me and us a weak person, just someone who has feelings and car, and this is something wonderfull.

Then every Human on the world is beautiful xx So be yourself

X Sarah