Stay

Hey

I know its been a while since the last time, but loads of things happend and i had to Focus a bit more at Work and had to figure a few things out.

I dont really know how this Blog will end cause i really dont thought about it what i want to write so i just write it down what ive been thinking.

The word “Stay” is a word for me that i dont like .. not just because it get along with the point of loosing people to ask them to stay … no the thought that i was ready to leave 2 years ago but i stayed here i choosed to stay ang give this all a second chance and to be honest im kinda glad i did … to choose to leave wasnt a easy decision i almost took but there were reasons why and sometime things getting worse day by day and you cant do anything about it, you trying your best but no one is really seeing it, no one appreciate the things you do.

But what ive learned is that you get stronger out of it when you finally made it out of the rain and you finally see the sun.. its a hard way to get to it and ive changed in the past years, but i thinks thats growing up … we see things diffrent and might kno how to handle some situations i dont know .. but to look back to the day .. it scares me a bit .. im still not super happy .. but im enjoying the little things in life, theres days where i can say im really happy and i really mean it.

The day where i went to my mum and told her that i need help was one of the hardest things ive ever done .. she still doesnt know all what happend and nothing about the thing i tried to commit suicide its better im sure … but she knows im depressed and things… the weird thing she always said i need help Years ago….. but i always said no i dont need hel its all good  …. well since then ive got used to get hurt and i tried to ignore all of this .. i stopped to trust people. I Proud of myself that i told her thoose things even if i havent found a place but i took the first step.

Its been crazy 2 years and to be honest i wouldnt be here if there wasnt thoose girls .. i just meet them a few years ago … but they mean everything to me, we´ve been through so much together and we are still together we are stronger then ever and i know with them on my site we will made life, its hard sometimes but we have us.

” Close together or far apart, forever in each others heart”

Sometimes people have to leave you its better sometimes even how hard it will be to let go … it doesnt mean you will never see that person again, sometimes we all need a break to calm down a bit and to look forward again maybe it need a few years who knows but you have to figure out who you are and what you want and when its not possible with people then let them leave you are just going down when they stay …

Look forward to new things, your first priority should be you, you have to be happy not others and when you cant with them let them go.

x

Advertisements

My Year 2012 a little review of my life 2012

Hey People,

The last days are here of the Year 2012, what a Year, a lot of happend this year, some good things and some bad things.

I thought a few times about it to write it all down as a little flashback from the Year or a review, might it would be a long one so beware of reading alot.

I collected the year into the month and write all what happend from month to month.

January :

A New Year a new Journey ? In January i bought my concert tickets for the Show from the Boys Sons of Midnight, at this time i didnt thought how important they would be for me. The January was actually a really quiet month i talked a few times with Tiffany and Sophie via Social Networks at my Birthday on the 25. Ive Recived a little Happy Birthday post from the boys (SoM). That was really sweet of them. I was so excited about their very first own show at the 02.02.2012 at the Blue Shell in cologne.

Febuary :

At the 02.02.2012 i finally meet after a few writing messages  Tiffy and Sophie, it was amazing to meet them finally in real. Now i can sa im thankfull for having them in my life ( my Sisters ), we all were so excited to see and meet the boys, the Show was amazing, they had a support act called Benjrose a boys from cologne prett good. After the show all Fans meet the boys for some photos and Autographs but it was really akward that they all know my name haha a weird moment in my life. The Sold there a few Ep Singles with some accoustic songs, the manager didnt stopped to ask me if i want some so at the end i bought 6 of it *haha*. After that night i was on my way home and felt directly in my bad to sleep, at the next day they played a accoustic session in cologne at the Sportcheck, id was on my way with my Friend Monika and meet there Aileen, Sabine, Jess and Sophie. At the Accoustic session the played 2 Songs “The Fire and Never Again”. The Sportcheck where there played filmed it an put it on their online page, here the link,

—> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWBbCrnxlPU <—-

These 2 Days was Incedible, i hoped to see them soon back. Almost a week ago they announced the Tourdates as a Supportact from Livingston, i was so excited, me and Sabine decided to go not just to the cologne show, we also went to the Show in Berlin, the first and the last show of the tour. At the end of Febuary they Released the First Single “The Fire” i bought directly 3 Copys to Support them as much as i can. The First time after Years that i bought Singles.

March:

The Dates was here, the released of their selfname titled Album, i was so excited and happy i couldnt find really the words how happy i was. Unfortently at the same time i start hated to go to work i didnt felt myself very welcome there, i cant desribe exactly how but it was weird to go to work. It was very stressfull and annoying to work with a Boss that has no sense of being a boss. at the end of March i saw my Babs back “Simple Plan” since the beginning a huge Fan of them, unfortently i see them just all 2 years when i have luck they didnt tour a lot in the last years. I was there with an amazing friend called Sarina and i meet there also Sabine, we 3 had so much fun we sit all the time and the boys laugh all the time about us i think because we sit all the time.

April :

What a Stressfull Month i mean im a Florist and it was Eastern, a lot of stress at work. But i was looking forward to the Tour of my Boys. The Boys brought a friend of them with on Tour called Jimmy,hes is one of the craziest dudes i know seriously i scream all the time “Tequila, tequila” what a funny and weird dude. The Cologne Show was amazing we stand in the fron Row ( Tiffy, Sophie, Me, Julia, Sabine, Jessy and Beccy after their performance we leave the front Row ans walked to the Merch stand where the boys was we talked a lot and bought their Shirt what they made. Me and Sabine told the Boys that we also planned to come to the Berlin show they were pretty happy *haha*. We took a Airplane to flight to Berlin, we spent the weekend there, at the Berlin show weve meet Claudi, Elli and Nadine, so sweet Girls. It took a bit of time before we started to talk a lot . The Berlin Show was funny we all Entertained the boys alot with our Jokes adn Everything *haha* it was an amazing night. at the next day was luckly Sunday everything opend and we meet in the city Claudi , Nadine and Elli we spent a few hours in the City, before we leaved berling to fligh back to cologne. Mitchell send me a little Tweet with “Safe Flight back to cologne Girls” this was so sweet.

May :

Back to work, back to the Stress called Mothersday, it was so hard at this day unbelievable. They bought Flowers, omg i didnt know that so many people could buy Flowers *haha*. Luckly a Family fest announced that Sons of Midnight gonna perform there in 6 citys. I was so happy and excited and hoped that i could to some of these shows, they played just 35 mins but hey they played there. The Fest stopped in “Hamburg, Bad Vilbel, Munich, Berlin, Mannheim and Düsseldorf. Unfortently it was all the time a Saturday so i prayed that i get free on these days.

June :

Finally it happends ive got my First Tattoo at the 06.06.at 6oclock * haha*, for me the Tattoo has a special meaning and its very Important just a few people knows the really meaning of it just those who need to know it, i dont care what the other say. Luckly i had Holidays for 2 Weeks and had the chance to go to both Rewe Shows in Hamburg and Bad Vilbel. I Spent 2 weeks in Berlin with my Girls Claudi and Elli, we girls travelled alot throught whole Germany. Ive meet the Girls in Hamburg with Claudis brother Anton, hes such a sweetheart really :). We had a lot of fun at these festival, we was all so happy to see the boys, gladly i had the chance to go with a good friend called, Rabea to a Meet and Greet with the boys we said hello and all that and then i showed them the suprise, my Tattoo, they were shocked and happy at the same time haha. I ask Matt to get Elli, Claudi and Anton and we get them in, we had a lot of fun talked alot and said see you soon in Bad Vilbel. It was an Wonderfull day sadly we had a Car drive of 3 Hours left, but we was happy. After that long drive we fall all driectly in our beds. I Spent some amazing times in Berlin after a Week we packed our bags and drived to Bad Vilbel aka Frankfurt

Me Claudi and Elli took a Hotel to spend 2 night n Frankfurt cause sadyl just Elli had a Drving lesson, and it would be to much when she need to drive so long ways at 2 days. We had a lot of fun in the hotel i kinda miss it to fall asleep right next to my Missy and my Claudi. We meet in Bad Vilbel Sophie and Tiffy to Fangirl together for our boys. We had again the chance to met the boys at the Meet and Greet. Unfortently after a lot of Drama from other people htere were also some Security guys, we all thought okay this is ridicioulus but okay. We laugh about this. The boys played at this time Superman for the First time i think and i love this song its not my Fave but one i truly love. After that perfomance we need to say Goodbye to Tiffy and Sophie :(. They drived back home and we others back in the Hotel for some sleep. At the next day we drived back. i had 5 days left in Berlin and then i took my train back home to cologne. I was really sad about this my heart is and always will be in Berlin.

July :

That what ive never expected happends i lost my Job, at one site i was happy cause it was not even that anymore what is was, it was just stressfull and ive got sick of working lost a lot of weight didnt eat anymore and all this i was from the other site to lost them. It was not the right job. In July there was the next Rewe Family Show this time in Tiffys near in Munich. Elli and Claudi came with the car and i took a carpool tp get to Tiffy. I was happy to see her again :). We talked a lot in the middle of the night finally Elli and Claudi arrived. I cant rememeber how long we were awake but we didnt sleep alot, we put our clothes on and picked up Sabine at the train station. Together we drived 2 Hours to Munich, luckly we meet them again at the meet and greet we never had that much meet and greets in our life hahha always fun. It was so hot there unbelievable, but blue sky, beautiful Show, everything was perfect, after the day we spent in Munich be drove back and fall directly in our bed to leave Tiff at the next day 😦 Such a awfull goodybe, miss my Tiffy. At the end of Jul the Rewe Festival stopped in Berlin that means off to Berlin  *haha* my second home. I slept by Nadine we drunk  alot of alcohol i cant really remember what all happend, but i know no more Jägermeister. We met Elli +Mum, Claudi + Mum, Sarah at the Stage i missed this girls so bad and claudis mummy :(. Unfortently we didnt got an meet and greet but the boys came out for us :). Show awesome like always :). After that the boys came out we talked again alot it was so sweet. At the next day Goodbye from Berlin again, i miss my home.

August :

The Last Rewe, the last time we see this year our Boys it was so sad i baked a cake for Mitch, he ask all the time to get an Rainbow cake so i did one for him haha i also had some Jack Daniels in my bag and a beerfass of 5 Liter. I also did a little present for them a book with memories, that they never forget the days we spent together, we Fangirl a lot we was there with Tiffy, Sophie, Julia, Zuzanna, Gina, Sophies brother and Mum, Veronique. We had alot of fun there. after they show they came out we all said goodbye, me and Gina spent some more time with them Backstage. It was an amazing day nothing can beat that, we bought the boys at the next day to the airport it was hard to say goodbye to get some kisses and hugs for the last time, really hard, cause i know this is the last time for this year. It was a hard time after that i missed the boys really 😦 the and the girls are like m Family, att he time i missed them a lot i start writing these blog here to put all what i thought and what i think down.

Septembre :

I felt myself useless, i lost my job and was not really happy or postiv about the fact that i would find a new one, i van call this that i fall in a bad depression, start cutting again, the bad mood was back and it didnt left me soon, i dont know what i could do or what should i do i just layed on my bed and was sad and depressed the whole month.

Oktober :

At the beginning it was the same i didnt saw an end if all this i wrote a few blogs about whats going on, that was all that ive done, i wasnt really often outside, on the street or out with friends, i was at home and done nothing. At the end of Octobere there was a little light at the end i spend my favorit holiday season with 2 of my lovley friends Sophie and Jessy we had so much fun together for the first time i felt myself happy again i love to spend some time with my girls.

Novembre :

The Stress begun, the days are counting till christmass just over a Month, i start to look forward to think about my future and what i really want and wanna do. At the middle of Novembre i had a concert to look forward to, it was an amazing evening i was there with nadja and jessy we had a lot of fun weve meet the supportband and the Band Called The Used the frontman bert MCCracken is such a sweet guy he is so lovley. We talked a bit took a picture and ive got some autograph it was an lovles evening.

Dezember :

The Last Month of the year, and the most stressful one *haha* i mean hey its christmas the people freak out to get some present cook some delicious stuff at christmas and all this. I wrote some good and bad Blog at this month i tried to write about a lot what im thinking about and all this. I Missed m girls and my Boys at this time the most, my family, those who i love the most, its hard when you know them some of them 15.000 km far away and my girls in whole germany, the life cant be good to us, but i love it that i found them this year, i never wanna miss them again i love them too much.

So this is it i think i tried to write everything down about what im still remember it, the life wasnt really easy this year for me i had a few time where i thought to give up, to end my life, but there was people the stopped me, i gave promises that i still fight and be strong. All what i can say the life can be a bitch, but we must stay strong the soceity is the biggest fake on earth dont believe what she wants to tell you, she lie about whos perfect, who look flawless and all this. Everyone is beautiful in their own way trust me  🙂 Chin up and smile

Thank you all for reading my blog its unbelievable how many people start reading my blogs and follow thank you fro everything what you gave me in this year, i love you all and wish you all a wonderfull 2013 its time that we all get a good year

xxx Sarah

ccccccc

Dont look away when people start cutting, get bullied do Something !

Hey People,

In the last week i saw something, that i couldnt understand, i couldnt understand people who start telling others on social places like twitter, that it would be better to kill yourself, and that your re ugly not worth it to live and all this, i didnt recive that messages i just saw it and start talking to the bullyied girl to let her know that she dont need to believe that shit what these other girl start talking about, and then i wrote a message to this girls who start sending these tweets out.

All what she wrote me was, she is not worth it to live, shes ugly fat and stupid,

I was never that shocked honestly i told her to stopped this cause its never OKAY !! to tell people this everyone has feelings and this one of the most awfull things that ou get called, i mean how would you feel when someone start sending you tweets or messages all the time to get called, fat, ugly, die, stupid or whatever.

ITS NOT OKAY !!!!

But this was not the only thing i saw in the last weeks i heard it pretty often in the tv , radio or saw it here on the internet that more and more people start to kill themself , start cutting, or stopped eating. Well i just can say im not perfect i fight by myslef against so much and its always hard to stay strong, but we must stay strong we cang give up, for some of “us” the life is always a fight against other or against ourself, its hard i know that, but please when you need help then search for some.

Its not bad to go to a special doctor to talk about your problems, he can help, sometimes we dont find a way out these people can help alot. Please trust me.

The live is something so special for each of us, we just have this one, and we need to take care of it, it could be end that fast, everyday happend something really special, you meet through your life so many diffrent people, you see alot of new things, somewhere you fall in love, you have your family at your site (bloodfamiily or friendsfamily) it doesnt care cause these people love you for this what you are and not what the soceity start to talking about .

Everyone is Beautiful and worth it to live dont give up, sta strong for you and for thoose that you love. and when you fall back into your old mood /puke out the stuff that youve eat or start cutting) its something what happend in our life but we can always go stronger out of this. together we can reach allot.

When you think you are alone and dont have someone to talk to … Write me, i listen to you and try to help you i know how hard the life can be, its still hard but i try my best to look forward.

xx sarah

tumblr_mflyxgH8oi1rzsuryo1_500

It gave words they helping you and it gave words they hurt you !

Hello People,

Im writing here now about something what i see already everyday better said i hear it everyday and also see it on the Tv or radio. Its kinda shocking what happend with the live of teenagers and about what they are saying. Im now 24 so im over the Teenager time but when i was in the Teenager age (10 – 16 ) i dindt said words like this.

Im Talking about words like ( Cunts, Bitch, Slut, Ugly Bitch and more of this ) i cant really belive what i already heard from these young people seriously they are already growing up, i think they dont really knew about what happend with these people who they call these words. They just start saying these just to be cool and all this but honestly i know how it feels to get called these words and i thin ksome of you readers too and how much these words can hurt you.

–  I Wish i could give you my pain, just for one moment, Not to hurt you but rather soyou can finally understand how much you hurt me –

It actually doesnt care how old you are, just the fact you saying words like that, its not right ! YOu dont know what can happend when someone get calles these some of them start falling in a eating disease or start cutting or see any reason to live again and the lat thing the do is the suicide.

Some people should think about this what they saying cause they can kill people just with words, its a slowly way to get killed cause when one started to say things ike that the other start it too just to be with you cool.

– You are not cool with saying these words –

To get called these words leaves scars, sometimes not some you can see but they are they and they never leave this person again, trust me i know about what im writing here, for me its always a little looking back when i start thinking about a few things and i remember myself at everysingle word ive get called and from who, this never gonna leave a person.

– So better start thinking first before you start saying anything –

But theres also Words that can help you in bad times or healing your emotional scars, these words should better said more oftern like ( beautiful, you are worth it to get loved, pretty, smile more, love you , care about you, miss you ). its gave so many words who you already can help people with. But some choose more the way to hurt people.

When we all would pull at one rope and stop saying words like this, for some people the live would be a lot easier. you can try this out say everyday one person thats this one is beautiful and ou must mean this, trust me just these words can help more as money always can cause

– money cant buy you happyness –

You will see and when this person being much postiv as normals you also start smiling the whole day cause you brought a person to smile and this is something wonderfull in a life. We all need so much more postivity on the live of 2012/2013.

It gave enough hate in the world, we dont need it around of us and our love ones and friends, no one need hate or deserve to get some hate, hate can ruins live of so many people.

xx Sarah

 

The biggest addiction of an girl that seems to be happy or look like but behind her face theres the other life of tought about Suicide, Self-harm, cutting being hated for a life. Being Worthless alone and depressed.

Hello Readers

For a couple while i wrote a blog about Sucide and self harm and got a lot of messages here, and in the last time i heard a lot abou suicide and self harm in the televison so i thought i write here a second one about an addiction of Slef-harm and suicide thoughts.

I have also these addiction of self-harm, more then these thought about suicide but theres also in my and maybe always will. For me people who never had something like this or never done this couldnt understand it what WE going through, what we feel while the blood start running down of our arms/ legs or wherever you cut yourself.

For me personally in this moment it feels good to feel yourself just for a couple seconds, to feel the pain and start to forget all this shit in the life for some minutes, i was just there in this moment, the only thing in my mind was how good this all felt at the time.

It gave so many diffrent reasons to start Self-Harm, some of the reasons could be

– Bullying, stressed, being alone, depressed, confused about yourself and many more .. –

It also gave some levels of self-harm theres these people who cut themself just a little bit and maybe just all couple weeks and then theres people who cut themself pretty often a day and mostly everyday. You should judge someone when he start cutting everyone has his own problems why he start, dont look away, help this person that that is something what these person really need.

And also people who Self-harm doesnt do it always at their wrist where everyone can see it, some poepl like me do it on a complete diffrent place cause we dont want that anyone knows about this we wanna hide our problems, hide that we are week and destroyed in the soul .

In the last days there was these story from Amanda Todd in the tv the girl who did Suicide and did self-harm and all this. I heard that people start writing she wasn deserve to life and some aother really bad stuff. I cant understand why people start saying shit like this cause exactly this bring girls in this circel of suicide and self-self, everyone is it worth it to live.

-Seriously everyone is it worth it to breathe to live and to being loved –

It makes me really mad to here stuff like this, they dont know what happend in a girl / boy mind hen someone start saying things like this to someone whos weak and self-harm then words like

– Slut, fag, bitch ,fat, ugly, whore, –

All these word bring someone to start self- harming, and these word are not that soon away from your mind there still years after this in your mind you start believing this, all this your ugly, fat … and this bring someone to this addiction of self-harm.

When these people doest stop to saying words like this and do it again and again a girl/boy start thinking sometimes about suicide how he could do this and all this. YOu get these thought sooner as you can believe, trust me i had them too a couple times and i almost did it. But some really important people stopped me to do it, people who i love and trust.

No one shoud believe people who saying words like this, in the soceity of 2012 its really hard to grow up to an healthy teenager/woman. The bullying in school is horrible, the suicde rates are horrible and the self-harm rate getting higher and higher. The kids start to forget how they actually do with saying these words. For them its just a word tat they say maybe a joke or just to be cool. But its not.

Its more then this, they all see this on Tv and think they are cool while there saying it but how are they feel when they would know the he killed someone with this words this person who gets bullied start self-harm and weeks/month/years after this this person saw just one way the Suicide. Whats then. ?

The Teenager rate of happy girls sink in the last years really fast cause in school theres these cool people, cheerleader, Blonde girls and then theres the Loser. But why start people bullying just about the fact one person doesnt look like the other , listen to other music, has some other interest ?

I still cant understand this i dont know why, we are all human, normal people who are on the Journey of life and want to see so much new things ..

We all just want to be loved, happy , and wanna enjoy our life is this to much that we all want ?

x Sarah

20121029-003038.jpg