Suicide Soundcloud Message

Hey People,

For about a few weeks, i was at a down and start scrolling trough my Tumblr with the Search words for

Depressed, Suicide, Cut , Alone , Selfharm


and i found something that changed my view about the whole Suicide completly, i cant even describe in which way it changed but i thought well i should listen to this let see what this is.

The Soundcloud Mp3 is from a girl called ErikalynXo i dont know if she fight against self Harm or Suicide thought or what else but she upload something in Soundcloud called



I expected something about her Story, about the way how she planned might a Suicide or anything else so i start clicking on the play button and within 2 Seconds no words nothing this touched me really she start talking with the First words


” You sitting at your desk”


She start talking about it like it is you, in your own view, it goes 11 mins a bit more and all this changed my view about this i cant really describe how but this was really “impressing” its ight not the right word but i think it exlain it the best how i wanna describe it.

She start talking about is, like its your Story, your way to plan a suicide but she dont end when you re dead no she show you the way after you what is with the people who loves you that you didnt see, the people around you and all this, i honestly got goosebumbs and start crying while listen to this here.

At one site i was fascinated about this Soundcloud but otherwise it scares me to hell, how good she knows “me” in that way, and my way what i planned but early enough stopped and all this just a stranger a girl can change so many minds from so many diffrent people around the world …

i start a few time to write a blog about this but didnt really know how to start and now i just decided to write what i think and when you have these thoughts in you in your mind or just sometimes for about a few minutes please Listen to this here its kinds “wonderfull” How 1 Girl can change from so many people her own mind.

Still when you have problems with Self-Harm ot anything that destroys Yourself please take these 11 mins and close your eyes might use your headphone to hear it clearly and Listen to this its something special in his own way.

Heres the Link to it


It nothing big but might it can help you to see your own life now diffrent then

before, you see things diffrent, your thoughts about it are maybe diffrent ..

Let me know what do you think about this Soundcloud Message.

x Sarah



Dont look away when people start cutting, get bullied do Something !

Hey People,

In the last week i saw something, that i couldnt understand, i couldnt understand people who start telling others on social places like twitter, that it would be better to kill yourself, and that your re ugly not worth it to live and all this, i didnt recive that messages i just saw it and start talking to the bullyied girl to let her know that she dont need to believe that shit what these other girl start talking about, and then i wrote a message to this girls who start sending these tweets out.

All what she wrote me was, she is not worth it to live, shes ugly fat and stupid,

I was never that shocked honestly i told her to stopped this cause its never OKAY !! to tell people this everyone has feelings and this one of the most awfull things that ou get called, i mean how would you feel when someone start sending you tweets or messages all the time to get called, fat, ugly, die, stupid or whatever.


But this was not the only thing i saw in the last weeks i heard it pretty often in the tv , radio or saw it here on the internet that more and more people start to kill themself , start cutting, or stopped eating. Well i just can say im not perfect i fight by myslef against so much and its always hard to stay strong, but we must stay strong we cang give up, for some of “us” the life is always a fight against other or against ourself, its hard i know that, but please when you need help then search for some.

Its not bad to go to a special doctor to talk about your problems, he can help, sometimes we dont find a way out these people can help alot. Please trust me.

The live is something so special for each of us, we just have this one, and we need to take care of it, it could be end that fast, everyday happend something really special, you meet through your life so many diffrent people, you see alot of new things, somewhere you fall in love, you have your family at your site (bloodfamiily or friendsfamily) it doesnt care cause these people love you for this what you are and not what the soceity start to talking about .

Everyone is Beautiful and worth it to live dont give up, sta strong for you and for thoose that you love. and when you fall back into your old mood /puke out the stuff that youve eat or start cutting) its something what happend in our life but we can always go stronger out of this. together we can reach allot.

When you think you are alone and dont have someone to talk to … Write me, i listen to you and try to help you i know how hard the life can be, its still hard but i try my best to look forward.

xx sarah


One Person who i love more then anthing else, she is one of what i call the most precious at life

Hey People

After years of having just a few Honest friends and more as enough shot and Fake friends im Glad i found a Girl that i can trust, i can trust her completly, i didnt thought that i find this Girl, i give it up to find a person that i can talk about my thought my worries and my past, and that she would understand me in all ways.

In the Soceity now its hard to find really honest people who you can trust and that they love you for that what your are and not that what you shine to be. A Persone that see the Person in your Heart you dont need to say anything, she always know that you feel shit and she try everything to help you of all of this out, She try everything.

She is for me one of the Most precious people in my life, the life is not living worth it without her, i just know her since a Year and between us are almost 7 years but i can describe it, she ist that girl that i search for me entire life, a life that was hard and dark.

No one really cares about me or what happend with my or whats going on in me until i found her, at the beginning she was also just a Fan of our both Favorit Band, but now she is my love , my life the person i call sister and family.

We had in the last few weeks a hard time, we dindt talk much cause i feel myself a bit set aside cuase she found an other girl thats she talked a lot to and all what i saw and read was love ou more than anything else and stuff like this, and at this time the worrrys in me was back, can i really trust her and all this but she proofs me that i dont need to worry.

She loves me actually that much i love and adore. We both had a hard past but together we gettin through this so much stronger and can learn from all of this.

I Dont know how much i can thank you Sophie i really dont know, the only thing i know is that i really miss you and im thankful to have you by my side at times like this ones at the moment.

Im always there for you no matter what time or what ever im always there until we die xxx

I Love you Sister xxx


Give yourself sometimes a break from everything to get a clear view forward, it helps !?

Hello Readers,

Im Sorry for the 2 weeks without anything posted but i needed some time for myself, it was for me important to regonize whats is really important in my life and for what i should fight and not.

I can say this break helps me a lot and i can defently say when you think you have some really big problems in your life or when you feel its getting to much, then directly do something against it take a time out from everything, it really helps to focus yourself to the things they are important for you.

The year is almost done and as might some of you know this years had more downs as highs for me, more shit that no one really need in a life. Thats why i took a break from everything and start thinking about a few things that happend ot what is with next year a lot of important questions where i actually dont have an answear for.

The Life is the only Bitch that you cant Punch in the Face

You are the only person who can help yourself and do some things better fpr yourself no one can help you that much what you actually need, some people cant give you the answear to some question of you, or can make you life that much better and brighter as it is, its a hard way to get out of the dark side of life , from the bad to the good, but you will get stronger when you go through this, it will be hard and not easy, but we are all Stronger that we might know.

When you have some Beautiful friends and Family Around you then we reach every goal that we take, cause people who we love and care about gave something to belive in. They cant give you an answear but they can show you maybe the way that you need to go to find that what you really need.

Give every day the chance to become the best of your life.

I Gave myself the goal, to see now everything a little bit postiver as i did in the past, in the past i saw everything wrong everything was bad and not good, and now i try to see it all a bit better :).

Every little step is a step into a new life, into a happy life where the love and life live. Our Past will always be there but when we can we get out of this Stronger as we ever was and will be. Then What doesnt kill you makes you Stronger, think about this, and realize its true, we have our bad times in the past, the times that we actually wish to forget but, when we really think about this, that all this what happend makes us to this what we are right know, and all this brought us these people around us that we love.

So What i wanna say with this short and little blog is, when you need some time for yourself , then take it, everyone needs some of it and it helps to clear your mid and looking forward to a new way 🙂

xxx Sarah



ps: I Promise to post in the future now some more blogs xx

It gave words they helping you and it gave words they hurt you !

Hello People,

Im writing here now about something what i see already everyday better said i hear it everyday and also see it on the Tv or radio. Its kinda shocking what happend with the live of teenagers and about what they are saying. Im now 24 so im over the Teenager time but when i was in the Teenager age (10 – 16 ) i dindt said words like this.

Im Talking about words like ( Cunts, Bitch, Slut, Ugly Bitch and more of this ) i cant really belive what i already heard from these young people seriously they are already growing up, i think they dont really knew about what happend with these people who they call these words. They just start saying these just to be cool and all this but honestly i know how it feels to get called these words and i thin ksome of you readers too and how much these words can hurt you.

–  I Wish i could give you my pain, just for one moment, Not to hurt you but rather soyou can finally understand how much you hurt me –

It actually doesnt care how old you are, just the fact you saying words like that, its not right ! YOu dont know what can happend when someone get calles these some of them start falling in a eating disease or start cutting or see any reason to live again and the lat thing the do is the suicide.

Some people should think about this what they saying cause they can kill people just with words, its a slowly way to get killed cause when one started to say things ike that the other start it too just to be with you cool.

– You are not cool with saying these words –

To get called these words leaves scars, sometimes not some you can see but they are they and they never leave this person again, trust me i know about what im writing here, for me its always a little looking back when i start thinking about a few things and i remember myself at everysingle word ive get called and from who, this never gonna leave a person.

– So better start thinking first before you start saying anything –

But theres also Words that can help you in bad times or healing your emotional scars, these words should better said more oftern like ( beautiful, you are worth it to get loved, pretty, smile more, love you , care about you, miss you ). its gave so many words who you already can help people with. But some choose more the way to hurt people.

When we all would pull at one rope and stop saying words like this, for some people the live would be a lot easier. you can try this out say everyday one person thats this one is beautiful and ou must mean this, trust me just these words can help more as money always can cause

– money cant buy you happyness –

You will see and when this person being much postiv as normals you also start smiling the whole day cause you brought a person to smile and this is something wonderfull in a life. We all need so much more postivity on the live of 2012/2013.

It gave enough hate in the world, we dont need it around of us and our love ones and friends, no one need hate or deserve to get some hate, hate can ruins live of so many people.

xx Sarah


The biggest addiction of an girl that seems to be happy or look like but behind her face theres the other life of tought about Suicide, Self-harm, cutting being hated for a life. Being Worthless alone and depressed.

Hello Readers

For a couple while i wrote a blog about Sucide and self harm and got a lot of messages here, and in the last time i heard a lot abou suicide and self harm in the televison so i thought i write here a second one about an addiction of Slef-harm and suicide thoughts.

I have also these addiction of self-harm, more then these thought about suicide but theres also in my and maybe always will. For me people who never had something like this or never done this couldnt understand it what WE going through, what we feel while the blood start running down of our arms/ legs or wherever you cut yourself.

For me personally in this moment it feels good to feel yourself just for a couple seconds, to feel the pain and start to forget all this shit in the life for some minutes, i was just there in this moment, the only thing in my mind was how good this all felt at the time.

It gave so many diffrent reasons to start Self-Harm, some of the reasons could be

– Bullying, stressed, being alone, depressed, confused about yourself and many more .. –

It also gave some levels of self-harm theres these people who cut themself just a little bit and maybe just all couple weeks and then theres people who cut themself pretty often a day and mostly everyday. You should judge someone when he start cutting everyone has his own problems why he start, dont look away, help this person that that is something what these person really need.

And also people who Self-harm doesnt do it always at their wrist where everyone can see it, some poepl like me do it on a complete diffrent place cause we dont want that anyone knows about this we wanna hide our problems, hide that we are week and destroyed in the soul .

In the last days there was these story from Amanda Todd in the tv the girl who did Suicide and did self-harm and all this. I heard that people start writing she wasn deserve to life and some aother really bad stuff. I cant understand why people start saying shit like this cause exactly this bring girls in this circel of suicide and self-self, everyone is it worth it to live.

-Seriously everyone is it worth it to breathe to live and to being loved –

It makes me really mad to here stuff like this, they dont know what happend in a girl / boy mind hen someone start saying things like this to someone whos weak and self-harm then words like

– Slut, fag, bitch ,fat, ugly, whore, –

All these word bring someone to start self- harming, and these word are not that soon away from your mind there still years after this in your mind you start believing this, all this your ugly, fat … and this bring someone to this addiction of self-harm.

When these people doest stop to saying words like this and do it again and again a girl/boy start thinking sometimes about suicide how he could do this and all this. YOu get these thought sooner as you can believe, trust me i had them too a couple times and i almost did it. But some really important people stopped me to do it, people who i love and trust.

No one shoud believe people who saying words like this, in the soceity of 2012 its really hard to grow up to an healthy teenager/woman. The bullying in school is horrible, the suicde rates are horrible and the self-harm rate getting higher and higher. The kids start to forget how they actually do with saying these words. For them its just a word tat they say maybe a joke or just to be cool. But its not.

Its more then this, they all see this on Tv and think they are cool while there saying it but how are they feel when they would know the he killed someone with this words this person who gets bullied start self-harm and weeks/month/years after this this person saw just one way the Suicide. Whats then. ?

The Teenager rate of happy girls sink in the last years really fast cause in school theres these cool people, cheerleader, Blonde girls and then theres the Loser. But why start people bullying just about the fact one person doesnt look like the other , listen to other music, has some other interest ?

I still cant understand this i dont know why, we are all human, normal people who are on the Journey of life and want to see so much new things ..

We all just want to be loved, happy , and wanna enjoy our life is this to much that we all want ?

x Sarah


What is your life worth it, to still fight or just keep your head up and try to see you life as possible as you can ? It is !!!

Hello Readers,

This day i already got that idea to write about something, what is probertly in some heads of yours alsways these question, people who just need to fight in their lifes knows maybe about what im talking here.

Well the last past years i had these question pretty often in my head, and in the last days also, for people who dont know how hard a life can be they maybe dont understand this here, but for me i always need to fight in my life and i dont think that this will never stops, kinda unfair, cause some people dont need to do anything and get everything what they want. We others need to fight for everything..

– like in the job, in the personal life in the love everywhere –

Well as some of you maybe read i thought about suicide in the past for about 2 month and i almost did it, a person can be strong but someday you re not see any sense anymore to fight against anything you are done with everything and wanna go just out of this circle out of the problems just away. But i had 2 girls who helps me in this situation ther wrote at this time where i almost try it to suicide. Now im glad that i had these 2 in the situation, and also a guy helps me through all this i need to gave him a promise.

But in the last weeks it changes something and now its pretty hard to hold that promise 100%, cause i did things that avtually broke this promise when im honest, cause i doesnt see any other way to get out to make it a little bit easier all this … when the thoughts are back , that your not worth it to live .. not worth it to breathe.

When you had these thoughts one time you probertly diesnt get them out, i have it once a week maybe twice, cause theres moments where you start thinking about things and see how poor your life actually is and that it diesnt make sense anymore..

– When the life doesnt make sense anymore, to fight .. should you give up –

Well ims till trying to say me everday that im not should give up and should still fight against all this what comes its hard and always will be hard but wasnt kill you makes you stronger right ? Well sounds cheesy … But no one on earth should try to suicide, life can be such a bitch i know this but it gave everytime reasons to life

– Reasons to fight for ( Family, Friends, a Band or anything else )

YOU, dont give up keep your head up, its hard but we you always need to fight knows how to preciate some things we see the world so diffrent but we know how good it feels when you fight for something that you every wanted. People who dont need to fight doesnt know it how to feel this ..

Every single life is it worth it to live and you are worth it to breathe an be on this planet. When you need help ask your family or friends or just talk to a stranger i mean a professional its not bad to search for help and this doesnt mean that you are weak or anything else it means to fight for something. So i dont give up so you also dot give up.. together we can reach a lot in the live .

Xx Sarah


Did you ever had the feeling that the world is still moving, but still stand at the same place ?

Hello People from all over,

Well i dont really know how describe this what i feel and think but i try it. Sometimes its like everyone is still talking all the time but im not really there im not really involved in the conversation, just someone who stands there and just listen what these people saying.

Sometimes i have this feeling its like my body is there but my mind isnt it or the world is sill moving but i still stand at the same place and cant move my legs.

– Forever Alone in a world of hate and Self-Har –

Maybe its just a feeling and maybe im wrong with it but did you ever have this feeling that still stand for weeks / Month at the same place and cant move yourself to something right to somthing what is maybe good to you ? The world around my start to change it but im still at the same point, at the place of hate ans shit where everything begun and i cant move my ass to do really something for it, well maybe im to scared to do it maybe i dont want it. I know that i need to do something i dont know im really scared and about my attitute completly dissapointed.

Its not like if i dont want to run with the world, but i can expect in the Future, what will happen, can i be happy there, stop the hate there ? Thats all question theres going through my mind and im really worried about it, cause when these minds still stay, it change never anything, i want to be happy and i love to talk with other people and dont just stand there and listen ?

– I Wanna live, i wanna enjoy the happyness of life –

ISt just a wish to be happy, in my life of 23 years i just want to have some good moment , moments i can look back to and smile and think hey this was so amazing this time, at the moment its nothing like that, at the moments theres ust the fear in me and all the worrys.

I Hope i can change these soon cause i think it will not end up good when i stay in this like im am right now ?

X Sarah



My Favorit Band(s), i Grow up with them and love all of them Part 1

hello Reader,

I talk here about the Canadian Band Simple Plan. For me its not just a Band, who ever feel like you are connected with that bands when you listen to them songs and felt understood know what im talking about here.

These band helps me alot with their music, its gave songs of them its like they would singing about my problems and about my life, i feel like they would understand me with what im going throught and all this.

I’m just a kid, and life is a nightmare, I’m just a kid, iknow that it’s not fair
Nobody cares,’Cause I’m alone and the world is having more fun than me –


I remember myself the first time i saw them on the tv here in germany, it was like whoa these guys are so funny in their music video and i loved this song and still do. I was 13 years at this time and i want and at this time i was directly addicted to the music of them, i hoped that they go on tour but i must wat till 2006.

Yeah and then finally 28.01.2006 here in cologne the frist concert of them i was so excieted to see them finally live in real. The 2 Album “Still not getting any” was already out and i was in love with this cd and their music. This Concert was so incredible so amazing i cant even describe how amazin it was. Still week after the concert i was so stoked about it.


– To be hurt, to feel lost, to be left out in the dark, to be kicked when you’re down ,to feel
like you’ve been pushed around, to be on the edge of breaking down, and no one’s there to save you, no you don’t know what it’s like Welcome to my life –


I didnt met the boys at this show, sadly but i was so excited about the next record and the next Tour, unfortently at the 3rd Tour i was so sick and couldnt go to the show i was so sad but i knew it wouldnt make really sense to go really sick to an concert. i hoped that they came back really soon. But they took a break from recording and touring the brought out the Hard Rock life dvd but not a new album :(.


– Take my hand tonight, let’s not think about tomorrow, take my hand tonight, we can find, some place to go, cause our hearts are locked forever, and our love will never die, take my hand tonight one last time –



But Finally 2011 they was back, back on tour, back with a new Record, i was so happy, omg this was the best news of 2011, also in this year i sign up for the Sp Crew Fanclub so ive also meet them for the first time in real at a show i was shacking all the time :).

The Record Get Your Heart On is from the music genre for a mix from the 3 other albums, a lot of No Pads No Helmet but also some really good Rock Songs. And for the first time the wrote a song with the fans called “This Song Saved My Life”

– I was broken, i was choking, i was lost, this song saved my life, i was bleeding, stopped, believing, could have died, this song saved my life, iwas down, i was drowning, but it
came on just in time, this song saved my life –


This song is really amazing and i really love this one, the boy was back on the road and i saw them on the 11.09.2011 in Frankfurt with a really good friend. At this date i also meet them the first time in real i was so nervous unfortently Pierre was sick i didnt met him but the others and Seb gave me a Plec of the new Tour design it was so sweet. The Show was really amazing they played Everytime from the 2Album in a accoustic version and i love this song, well actually i love all their songs.

After the show i bought like always some Merch stuff :), and was so happy :). i was so excited and hoped they come soon back and then they did this year in March and also in cologne this was so amazing really, and i met them again at the Soundcheck and finally Pierre *__*. Gosch Seb, David , Jeff and Chuck are all so sweet to the Fans of them its so amazing always. The Show was a hell of a Show so much Power and Energy and the boys did all the time so many Jokes at the Stage haha …

And they Confirmed that this or of the beginning the woulf gave a new Simple Plan Ep and a photobook and maybe but this is not Confirmed a new Dvd. Gosch i cant wait to buy allt his Stuff and i hope a new Tour next Year.


As You can read i Truly love this Band, really i dont know where i would be without them, Did you have also a Favorit Band like me with Simple Pan ? Let me know this 🙂


xx Sarah


A Boy who Fight for his Life and he is Stronger as we all thought, Fight our Little Star Blue

Hello Readers,

Here I would like to draw your attention to a very special theme, i talk about Cancer and a boys who is so young and so strong and fight against it.

The Name of the little boy is Blue Tobin he live in Canterbury and is 3 Years old. Since 18 Month he moved in and out of the hospital. He Fight against Cancer ( AML – Acute Myeloid Leukaemia) . On his 2 Birthday hes got diagnosed to this.

A hard time for the family and friends then last year in may he almost dies by an infection and he was immediately taken to the intensive care unit to fight for his life for 24 hours, he is a really strong boy and im really proud of him.

In July the doctor told the Family that hes clear of Cancer, but sadly in November he went to a Check up in the Hospital and the Cancer was back and this time very aggressive. He stays all the Christmas days and the New Years day in the hospital to fight against it, again, hes got very strong medicin/drugs and a chemotherapy but nothing works.

In Febaury this year the doctor sent Blue home with the message to his family that they couldnt do anything more for him, the doctor gave the family some palliatice care and drugs to make his dead a little bit easier.

– Stay Strong our little star your are so strong and we all believe in you –

But hes still fighting and fought back the and his family went again to the doctor to try it again, Blue is a strong boy, the doctor was a little bit sceptical about it but the family said when we need to we fligh to America.

The Doctor told the Family that theres an other drug that they could try but these is really dangerous and theres just a 10% – 15% Chance that this drug work but it also could kill him. They tried it and Blue still fight, on May 10th Blue recived a Bone Marrow from a 28 Year old german who works as a agriculture.

The famile and friends are very grateful to the man, who saved the life of Blue. Fran, Blues Mum need 15 years to get pregnant with Blue, she doesnt give up and she recived a miracle a wonder of earth. Im so Proud of Fran and Blue they are wonderful Angels on earth.

Fran brought the organization into life

– Blue Tobin Foundation Helping Parents –

This is an Organisation to raise money for people like Blue, for Children who fight against Cancer, anyone who is willing to donate not matter how much every cent is it woth to donate to help these little kids on this earth.

Im so proud of this little boy Blue he fight so bad against it and i hope he win this fight against it, and he can life his life like he wanna life it.
I send you so much power Blue, i pray for you and i know you are strong, strong to fight and Survive it.

And Fran i send you also so much love, and power so much as i can im so proud of you and your son.

xx Sarah

It also gave wristbands from the Helping Parents Foundation, the costs 2 euro each and all the money is for the Foundation. If you one or more let me know this, i will pass on all the information.20121009-195237.jpg

Heres the Offical Link to the facebook site of the Organisation!/BlueTobinFoundationHelpingParents?fref=ts