When Bands call it quit/Break up. 

Hey,

Most of you Know what i mean, you have a Favorit Band or One you really like. You Love to listen to their Music and you Support them as much as you can and Then One Day were you thought this Could Never Happen … They Call it quit … Out of nowhere.

It’s like your Heart would Shatter in Million Pieces, you Start crying and Cant stop and all what you can think of is Why? Why Does this Happen Right now?

Theres many ways to Fall in Love with a Band

– to Fall in Love with a Member

– or to Fall in Love with the lyrics

Mostly People can Identify their life with the lyrics of a certain Band, it’s like they would Know whats Going on, or understands you.

Music makes Everything less painfull.

Thats Why alot of People get attached to Bands Cause they Know How their feel, or throught what they been. Bands/Music has a Huge inpact of Most of the Poeple Life’s.

You keep Supporting that Band Cause they help you to keep Going and the thought that this Band Could stop to excist ist Something that no One really think about, and exactly thats Why Are Bands Break ups Always so hard for us to Understand or Handle.

You grab their Music when you feel sad or Alone and they Are Always there Even when Not in Person and Then when they Call it quit you don’t know How to Handle this.

Whos gonna Be there now when you Need someone ? When you listen now to their Music it’s Not the Same you Always Look Back at the “good” times and feel sad because it’s over.

Bands keep Most of the Teens Alive so hard it may Sounds.

Some Poeple Cant Handle These Feelings and lost the Control about themself, some just cry a Few times and get over it, Some don’t Even Care.

But for me a Band Break up when it’s One of my Fave it’s Never easy.i Always feel sad and hurt when i Look Back, i Know How much Fun i had with them and i Know it’s Never the Same … Sometimes you Cant Even Say goodbye to that Band Cause you Cant Afford to Travel so far, or they might can Afford to get on tour for the Last Time.

But Even How hard this Time is we shouldnt forget to good times and the New Friends we all Found through that Band. WE keep them in Out Heart forever

X sarah

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3 years ago I decided to live

Hey,

I´ve been thinking about this quite often in the past few weeks, what i all missed, who i wouldnt meet just because i choose to give myself another chance and choose Life.

To look back now, its been now almost 3 years since i thought and almost attempt to commit suicide. I´ve changed so much in the past 3 years i never thought i could actually live a life where im about to accept myself how i am.

Yes i can still remember everything of this night and how thankfull i am for my friends who helped me out if this situation, its hard to look back to think about all this, but now im glad i choosed to give the life a second chance, i would missed so many good memories, havent meet so many amazing people that i truly love now.

Ive been through hell and i dont know how, but i got out of it, theres actually days where i enjoy to spend time outside, to smile ( and really mean it ), just to enjoy life. Ive been clean from self harm since 447 Days and im really proud of myself, my scars are fading, of course im strugle a lot the past years but i never had the urge to cut again, never, i foudn other ways like listen to music, talk to my friends or whatever. I gave a promise to someone who helped me a lot he is one of the reasons why im clean now and i promised to stop and ive meet him last year again and he is so proud of me that ive made it so far, hes been through all of this too and know how hard it is. To know someone is proud of me is one of the best feelings cause i know im doing something right.

Im surrounded by so many wonderfull people who help me so much ” we are all in this together”, it woul break my heart to dissapoint them and thats why im trying my best to Keep my head up. Theres way to many things i wanna do before i die ( yes ive made a before i die list ).

I just treat myself from time to time for staying strong, i mean next month i visit manchester again and to spend a week there, yeah i know i hear my Anxiety calling because i visit it all by myself, but i have to … i have to try to “get over” the anxiety i just hope i dont get to bad …

Just to  think about it to get away soon makes me happy. Im glad ive made this decision 3 years ago, life is Precious so dont throw it away, look at me now.

x Sarahtumblr_mxtayxtgs01rimr6yo2_500

April 9 : Re Post

 

Hey Readers,

 

Seems like my Phone didnt post yesterdays BlogPost so here are now the one from Yesterday and in an Hour the post from today x

 

For about a few weeks, i was at a down and start scrolling trough my Tumblr with the Search words for

 

Depressed, Suicide, Cut , Alone , Selfharm

 

and i found something that changed my view about the whole Suicide completly, i cant even describe in which way it changed but i thought well i should listen to this let see what this is.

The Soundcloud Mp3 is from a girl called ErikalynXo i dont know if she fight against self Harm or Suicide thought or what else but she upload something in Soundcloud called

 

“Suicide”

 

I expected something about her Story, about the way how she planned might a Suicide or anything else so i start clicking on the play button and within 2 Seconds no words nothing this touched me really she start talking with the First words

 

” You sitting at your desk”

 

She start talking about it like it is you, in your own view, it goes 11 mins a bit more and all this changed my view about this i cant really describe how but this was really “impressing” its ight not the right word but i think it exlain it the best how i wanna describe it.

She start talking about is, like its your Story, your way to plan a suicide but she dont end when you re dead no she show you the way after you what is with the people who loves you that you didnt see, the people around you and all this, i honestly got goosebumbs and start crying while listen to this here.

At one site i was fascinated about this Soundcloud but otherwise it scares me to hell, how good she knows “me” in that way, and my way what i planned but early enough stopped and all this just a stranger a girl can change so many minds from so many diffrent people around the world …

i start a few time to write a blog about this but didnt really know how to start and now i just decided to write what i think and when you have these thoughts in you in your mind or just sometimes for about a few minutes please Listen to this here its kinds “wonderfull” How 1 Girl can change from so many people her own mind.

Still when you have problems with Self-Harm ot anything that destroys Yourself please take these 11 mins and close your eyes might use your headphone to hear it clearly and Listen to this its something special in his own way.

Heres the Link to it

 

https://soundcloud.com/eriikaa/sucide

 

It nothing big but might it can help you to see your own life now diffrent then

before, you see things diffrent, your thoughts about it are maybe diffrent ..

Let me know what do you think about this Soundcloud Message.

x Sarah

 

Love is Love no matter which Gender you or your partner are.

Hey People,

Pretty often in the news or in the Television the Love between two men or two woman is still a big deal, or in diffrent countrys like russia its not allowed to live in a releation ship like this, its not allowed to fall in love with the same gender.

Some kind of people still think that something is wrong with thoose people or they are sick or disgusted by them, sure everyone has a own view of all this, but i cant understand this LOVE is LOVE, no matter what even wehen you have the same Gender. I really cant understand people who start hating people who Love the same Gender they are all human the same like we are they Love someone truly and do the same things that Man and Woman do in their relationship, the only diffrence is the Gender and actually this shouldnt be a thing to hate someone for.

We are all human and we are all looking for love and searching for someone who we can love and spend the rest of my life with, no one should ever get hated, bullied or offend for something that makes himself happy.

I think we all live in 2014 now and it shouldnt be a big deal anymore for getting arrested just because you LOVE.

Selena Gomez an actress, singer and all round talent had a World Tour in 2013, she had plannend to play a few concert in russia, she is a suport for same Marriage and Love, her Visum for Russia got denied cause she supports it, theres not just russia where people get problems. In the USA theres still some states where its not allowed to marry the Love of your life just because the same Gender.

Like in the Soccer career its still not a thing to talk about “Outings” its still a forbidden thing cause they are to scared to get attacked from Fans or even other Soccer player. In Germany a ex- National player called Thomas Hitzlsperger. After he left his football career he admits that he is Homosexual. He was to scared to talk about it in his career but after he left his Job as a Soccer he found the strenght to talk about it.

Also some Youtuber called Tyler Oakley and Troye Sivan found the strenght to talk about it, they are both homosexual and they show it and are proud of it, Troye shot a Video 07.08.2013 when he admits the whole world that he is gay, he filmed a Video called Comming out “Link below”, he talks about it how he felt and everything you should watch it if you are scared to have you own comming out.

— > https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoL-MnXvK80 <—

Theres so many people in the world who are Homosexual or Lesbian

– Ellen Degeneres

– Ricky Martin

– Elton John

– Lance Bass

– Jodie Foster

and many many more.

You cant judge people for what they love and live for, when you look on the street or at the train station in someones  eyes you cant see if they ot not, all what you see is a wonderfull human who live.

People who get hated or bullied mostly start to self-harm cause they cant stand the hate what they get, and they didnt even deserve this, they start to loose the happiness in they life and get depressed and really sad, sometimes it sadly end with suicide just because they open to people that they Love someone who seems to be in their eyes not right . So many people died of suicide just because getting bullied or something else in some country all over the world they also get killed because of this, or they get sexual abused. Itsnot right and never will. Sometimes i feel very sad and really angry why people are so stupid andy why they hate something where they dont have a clue from. They just listen to other people ot the newspaper what they say that dont even have a own oppinion so people make me sick, let them alone.

For me personally one of my uncle admits almost at christmas that he is homosexual and i was happy about it cause he talked with us about it and for me its wasnt a big deal a still love him cause he is still the same person, lots of my school friends are now lesbian and now, nothing they all found someone who they really love and this makes me happy, i personally dont judge someone for the point that he or she love the same Gender or might both who know. I honestly wouldnt say no to a wonderfull woman when she ask me to do kiss or something, and would you be Honest to yourself you woulnd also say no when “Jennifer Lawrence/Megan Fox) ask you ;).

We all have a tough time in our life we try to do the best what we can we have all trouble at work with family and friends or something else and all what we dont want is to get judge for something thats actually normal but for some people its nor right or wrong or thoose people are sick.

Please let thoose people alone and let them live their own life its not your fucking deal do bully, judge thoose people they are lovley and sweet wonderfull people and they deserve to be happy. Dont be jeleous just because they found the love of their life an you dont.

I do and always will Support them

Thats all what i want to say

xx

Image

Theres no diffrence right ?

Within Seconds falling in a really dangerous and bad mood

 

Hey,

Laughin at one time and just sec or might minutes later all what you ever could wish for is to die right now, jump infront of a train, cut so deep that you die. The hate against yourself is getting bigger and bigger, you get more disgusted from yourself and hate everything about you. Yeah i falling back into the dark place of me and no one knows about this, i try to hold my happy face as much as i can so no one gotta know how fucked up i am at this time.

 

No one care and never will

 

The thoughts of dying are really often there, when i stay at a train station or need to go to the doctor or anything else, just to stand there and thinking about the easy way to leave this bullshit here, jump infront of a car but this probertly wouldnt even kill me, it just would break my bones, i think to die while you jump infront of a car wouldnt be much high ….

I never tried it, i wouldnt i would never try or at the end do it  … i really think someday i die of commit suicide and i dont want any help thats things i deal with, the last weeks and last years .. i got out of this for a while i really was for a couple of month really happy laughed really and all this but at the moment the darkness is just there again … no one knows it .. cause i know how much of my friends are dealing also with things like that and we all have our own problems so i dont want to talk with them about it. They probertly the only people who would understands me but i dont want to. I dont want to talk to anyone about this … it just shows how weak and fucked up i really am and this is a site that no one should ever see or know about me.

 

To die would be an awfully big adventure

 

Its like i would drowning, im now at a point in my life where i dont know what to do … i dont even see myself standind in the future having a good running life, a job that i love and do things i ever wanted to do, life is just exhausting you need to do things you dont want to do, and smile even when you would prefer laying in your bed and crying the whole time. Theres no point at the moment to hold on to, something where i could say yeah i have something to work on to make something better or anything else … no theres just me with no future, just nothing …

I have tomorrow a appointment with a lady which should help me to get a way back into work life and all this but the fact to go to her creeps me out i get panic attacks already about the thought to talk with a stranger about my situation right now and why i dont have a job, i cant really tell her that the thought of getting a new job freaks me out at the moment to work with people that i dont know, people who probertly judge me by the way i am or maybe how i look …

I know i cant really know how they are and if they would judge me, but this is in me and i cant change these thoughts, i really cant i have a chance to get a new one but the fact i need to call this person to ask for the job i need to call a stranger and ask for something, thats something i cant do, i cant.

I wish my life would be diffrent, easy like some others are, i wish i wouldnt freak out about stuff like this wouldnt wish me things like dying i really do but thats probertly things i deserve, counting the days where im finally at the end of this bullshit and free.

All what we can do is hoping for a better day and to survive the night … right ?

Sarah …

Image

 

 

—————————————————————————–

Tried her best till the very end ..

 

 

 

“The Society Perfect”

Hey People

We all know that the “Society” want to show us the perfect look of a Human, how you need to look like, how you need to act and all this stuff. In the past weeks i start reading a few blogs and article about all this.

Every single article has the same “beauty things” which a human need to have to be perfect for the “Society”.

  • You Need to be Tall
  • You Need to be Skinny ( Size Zero would be perfect )
  • Long Hair
  • The perfect Skin

But this are just a few things that seems to be important to be “perfect”. Well i scrolled a few times in some social networks around and try to find a few points what the normal people on the world think what is beauty and how do you need to look like, sure theres a lot of people who aggree these points of being skinny, tall and all this but theres a group of growing up boys and girls who defently dont think like this, for them it just counts

  • You Need to have a nice and sweet personality
  • You Need to know what you want in your life
  • You Need to love to spent time with your friends and family
  • You Need to enjoy your life and live it without regrets

These are things that we normal people call beauty. We are all diffrent every single human we are

  • Skinny, Chubby, Fat
  • Short or Tall
  • Blond, Brown, Orange/Red, Blue or anything else 🙂
  • White, Brown or Black

We shouldnt define our beauty about a scala that the Society seems to show us to look perfect, but when we are honest theres people they are healthy Skinny thats totally okay but theres also people who deals with Anorexia just to be Skinny and look like the perfect Woman or Men, to have Anorexia is a really bad thing that in the past year more and more Girls/Boys need to deal with they grow up in a world wheres the important point to be Skinny and Beautiful.

They dont have to choice to see from themself how beautiful they actually are and that they dont need to change themself for anyone, no theres the Social “Society Perfect” and just this seems to important.

To have a Jeans size 0 seems more important as to have a wonderfull time in Highschool with friends, or going out for a Dinner with Someone. More and more people are falling in a black hole cause they want to be accept from thoose other “beautiful called” people and do almost everything just be with them, even then when the last Stop over the Anorexia is the Dead.

The Numbers of dead people who dealed with Anorexia are between 10-15% of the entire mankind, and every year theres more people who think Anorexia is the last point to loose weight just to be perfect.

The exact number of people worldwide whos suffer against or with Anorexia are not 100 % right cause not all people are on a List but News Sites are saying that every 10. person on the world is suffering with or against Anorexia. 

A number that should scare us all, or it should scares us all.

But we shouldnt forget that not just the ( Eating disorder ) is something that people need to deal with no theres many more ways how people go their ways to be “perfect” or sometimes how they fai.

With fail i mean the Suicide who ends always with dead or the Self-harm.

People who seems to think they have never any chance to look perfect or accept by people how they look like, need to find a way to deal with these many emotions whats i this moment is in them, they try to find something to let all this out and Cutting are sometime the “easiest way”.

I Dont wanna say its good no not at all who is a ready of my Blog knows im also dealing with Self-Harm. I Just want to make clear here that we need to be “society perfect” we are already perfect in our own way.

The Numbers of people who commit suicide climb in the past years and also thoose from people who Self-Harm.

Its been said that every 5 mins someone in the world commit Suicide, these numbers are not 100% then sadly some people are never found or just days/weeks or years later.

I dont wanna say that everyone who commit suicide did this just to be perfect, no theres mayn other reasons, i just wanna show here some numbers of these sad ways.

Sadly when you dont look the “society perfect” people think that they could start bulling you just about the fact your seems to be not perfect but you ARE.

I think the Society would never Change their view about being and look perfect in their way, but maybe we all can see in the mirror look at us and start to Love what we see and we all dont want to be something or someone else.

We are all Beautifull in our own way, we are all diffrent and this is right how weird would the world be when we look all like the same person. These things they diffrent between us all make us to something special, your friends ot people who love you family maybe, they love maybe your own Nose how she look or your bright brown eyes ?.

We all get Loved by people around us cause they see us as a perfect human, the society is just a word in a news paper or a word in the Designer Magazins. But we are all better as just a stupid world.

So Look in the Mirror and see yourself with a complete diffrent view of yourself,you are perfect trust me :).

… At the end i just wanna say i dont want to affect against anyone not the skinny ones or the people who wear the size 0 I just want to show here my side and my View how i think about all this, and this here is just this what i think and need to be said, thats it ….

Xo Sarah tumblr_mp6gtuePMf1rfyy5po1_400

Stop Bullying and act normal like everyone else ! ELE

Hey People,

I wanna talk/write about something that i see really often in the newspaper, the Television almost everywhere its getting talked about it so often but it diesnt really changed anything. Im Talking about the wolrdwide disease of the Word and acting “bullying”. I Talked a few times about it and im sure i will start talking about it a few times more cause its still really big everywhere in the world and this is not right !

I mean we are all human, we have all feelings, we act diffrent, we talk diffrent, yeah we look diffrent, but we are all at our own way special and unique i mean how would the world be when we are all the same look like everyone else, act like everyone.

It would be boring right ?

I wanna say yeah we are all diffrent in so many ways but this is what made a persone better said a human to something that we want to know more about and might to fall in Love to this Person, and maybe spent the rest of our lifes with this Person.

 

But theres this People who think when you are diffrent like they are you would suck, worthless, ugly, fat, stupid, a whore …..

 

They start calling you all these names and many more, they want to bring you down, just for feeling themself better as they are, to play the Boss in School/Work or somewhere else. Bullying is not right and one of the most disgusting things that happen on the World sine Years. You get hated just about the fact that you are diffrent ? No this is not right !

They dont know what happend with people who get bullied, some are get bullied for month/years, it leaves scars in they soul they start feeling unnecessary, wrong at the place where there thought they are happy. They dont know why they getting hated for what, some of them try to find a way out of it some goes the way over Anorexia to look like the Soceity want us to bring, some start cutting themself to make that the feel go away, and with that i dont mean just one Cut, NO, i mean cut by cut all words is one cut sometimes, or the last way the Suicide the last way to get all out of this and to bring someone to this end is not anymore funny. So many people are so deeply depressed by the fact to get bullied and if this is not enough in the News, Magazines, Tv everywhere theres a thing called soceity who makes all this not even better to look at these “normal” looking people with their unhalty size 0 and then they are we all, how we look like and start thinkin might my bully people are right im to fat “even when you are Skinny” and some start getting a distorted view of our own Body.

To grow up in a world like we have right know is a really hard thing cause you get choose by people how you look like, how much money you have and what you wear and with thoose you act like you would be someone better as the others you start letting your own problems out by bullying others let all your own hate out and you dont think about that what thoose people think and what happend with them and all this.

Everyone of you who has every bullied, think before you speak and dont act like a fucking asshole ( im sorry ofr saying that but its the truth ) just by the fact for being cool enough or something like this, you can kill people or bring people into Anorexia and bring them to do Suicide.

Its not funny to bully and not even cool, i would feel ashamed, with every single word what you say you can kill one person in life,

 

  • – you can ruin a perfect looking girl with calling her fat and ugly, just because of you shes now dealing with eat disorder and is depressed
  • – you can ruin a young kids life with calling his dumb, fat and worthless, might he start cutting, smoking substanze, and start thinking about suicide

– you can ruin a person with words like

Slut , whore, fat, ugly, fagot, stupid, dumb, disgusting and many more

 

I just wanna tell everyone who read this here right know and are a victim of people who bullied. No matter how you look like, how much you weight, how you talk or what you like, you are worth it to live, to be happy day by day and you are a wonderfull and beutifull persone on earth dont listen to this people you get loved by so many people you friends love you for your heart and not for that what you look like.

And now the last words to the bully people, shame on you, shame on you for bully, shame on you for calling people words, just shame on YOU .. I hope you can live with the fact that you already killed people with the words oyuve already said think about it, and might you shoudl stop now theres enough hate in the world and we dont need more hate we should all stick together ans spend the years of out own life happy and now being scared to leave the house and know that you get bullied again, how would you feel when you get bullie dday by day and this over years  ?

 

– Everybody loves Everybody

 

Sarah

 

tumblr_mnsf6yPBNT1rk4e94o1_500

Suicide Soundcloud Message

Hey People,

For about a few weeks, i was at a down and start scrolling trough my Tumblr with the Search words for

Depressed, Suicide, Cut , Alone , Selfharm

 

and i found something that changed my view about the whole Suicide completly, i cant even describe in which way it changed but i thought well i should listen to this let see what this is.

The Soundcloud Mp3 is from a girl called ErikalynXo i dont know if she fight against self Harm or Suicide thought or what else but she upload something in Soundcloud called

“Suicide”

 

I expected something about her Story, about the way how she planned might a Suicide or anything else so i start clicking on the play button and within 2 Seconds no words nothing this touched me really she start talking with the First words

 

” You sitting at your desk”

 

She start talking about it like it is you, in your own view, it goes 11 mins a bit more and all this changed my view about this i cant really describe how but this was really “impressing” its ight not the right word but i think it exlain it the best how i wanna describe it.

She start talking about is, like its your Story, your way to plan a suicide but she dont end when you re dead no she show you the way after you what is with the people who loves you that you didnt see, the people around you and all this, i honestly got goosebumbs and start crying while listen to this here.

At one site i was fascinated about this Soundcloud but otherwise it scares me to hell, how good she knows “me” in that way, and my way what i planned but early enough stopped and all this just a stranger a girl can change so many minds from so many diffrent people around the world …

i start a few time to write a blog about this but didnt really know how to start and now i just decided to write what i think and when you have these thoughts in you in your mind or just sometimes for about a few minutes please Listen to this here its kinds “wonderfull” How 1 Girl can change from so many people her own mind.

Still when you have problems with Self-Harm ot anything that destroys Yourself please take these 11 mins and close your eyes might use your headphone to hear it clearly and Listen to this its something special in his own way.

Heres the Link to it

 

https://soundcloud.com/eriikaa/sucide

 

It nothing big but might it can help you to see your own life now diffrent then

before, you see things diffrent, your thoughts about it are maybe diffrent ..

Let me know what do you think about this Soundcloud Message.

x Sarah

tumblr_mnqh60biEG1rnw8vio1_500

You know you already loose to stay strong when you start missing how it feels how the blood runs down you arm/leg while cutting, the feeling how everythings getting unreal.

Hey Readers,

 

It the last weeks i really start thinking about a lot of things, some good and some not really good things, or what happend in the last few month and weeks.

In the last weeks ive had a lot of problems with my body and dont really know whats going on but something is nor right.

Honestly im really scared about that what maybe could say the doctor tomorrow to me, i know that something is wrong with me and with my body, i feel , i mean , i start shaking all day, my heart start to race 2 or 3 times a day while i do nothing, 8 times a day i have a cardiovascular collapse and this each day, i start loosing weight ( good i must loose some ),  but i didnt change anything so why i loose 20kg, i get panic attacks everday, im getting by everything what i start to eat so bad stomache pain really bad one, i know  something must be wrong i mean this all is not normal seriously.

Im so fucking scared about that what the doctor could find tomorrow i mean we have some familiar issues like ( cancer, diabetis , heart problems, throid problems and some more, this is maybe not the best fact to looking foreward and to hope that all is getting better or right, it doesnt look good 😦

Im really confused right know and im scared just the fact to start thinking about tomorrow scares me like hell .. Sometimes i really wish i had something bad and would die really soon just get away from all this shit, but then im just 23 years old im so young why i should have something bad ? … I know to get some issues get everyone it doesnt care the age.

I wish someone could go for me tomorrow, at one site i dont wanna know what i maybe could have and what not, who wants to hear some bad messages what he maybe could have. I mean yesterday i was by the eye doctor yeah and there was the first shit message and infektion in my eye that maybe never go away, sometimes i think i never gonna be that healthy ….

 

— life sucks and this will never change —

 

Some of you know about the hard and sad things about my past and i must promises some people to stay strong and get my hands away from a few things but honestly right know this is the hardest fight i always begun to fight, everything looks now so easy a bottle alvohol and some pills and everything is done, pills enough are here, its all that easy  …

Or how much i miss right know the feeling how the blood runs down over my skin, how warm it is, and how it feels that your thought are not that loud anymore, they are far away, you are free from everything you are just there in this moment, every problems are far away, everything is good, its like you would left your body for a min maybe just seconds but i really miss this feeling right know so bad and i must fight so hard right know against it to grab the blade and start to cut myself.

I wish someone could save me right know, just grab me and bring me back of this place this life and this thoughts, but this is not the right way, when i run away know from this it gets me maybe so soon but someday .. and then its maybe even worst as it maybe actually was ??

 

— Can anybody here me, or am i talking to mself ? —

 

I dont know im scared, confused and weak right know, i start to left all this behind me to start to get away from this then this is not healthy and not good  .. i need to stay strong .. for these people i gave a promise and these who care about me thats maybe not a lot but there are some, people who i love and really need right know but sadly they cant be here by me, they are not by my side right know .. and this is hard a few are just 500km far away and there are the others they are over 15.000 km far away this kills me actually .. i miss them all so bad .. its not fair to find people who you need and love that they are live so far away from you , and you didnt see any day when you have them around you … all this makes it not really easy to stay strong : (

 

— to stay strong is the most hardest fight against yourself —

 

i need to focus my mind on something good, just something complete diffrent, something good … to get my thought away from all this bad, its ot good to get a breakdown right know, its not good at all. I tried my best to get away from self-harm, suicide thoughts and all this. The life can be sometimes such a big bitch, a bitch you always need to fight against all it.

 

 

I wish this fight would stop right know, i just wanna live a happy and lucky life, being healthy and all this. But this is just a dream ….

x Sarah

 

The biggest addiction of an girl that seems to be happy or look like but behind her face theres the other life of tought about Suicide, Self-harm, cutting being hated for a life. Being Worthless alone and depressed.

Hello Readers

For a couple while i wrote a blog about Sucide and self harm and got a lot of messages here, and in the last time i heard a lot abou suicide and self harm in the televison so i thought i write here a second one about an addiction of Slef-harm and suicide thoughts.

I have also these addiction of self-harm, more then these thought about suicide but theres also in my and maybe always will. For me people who never had something like this or never done this couldnt understand it what WE going through, what we feel while the blood start running down of our arms/ legs or wherever you cut yourself.

For me personally in this moment it feels good to feel yourself just for a couple seconds, to feel the pain and start to forget all this shit in the life for some minutes, i was just there in this moment, the only thing in my mind was how good this all felt at the time.

It gave so many diffrent reasons to start Self-Harm, some of the reasons could be

– Bullying, stressed, being alone, depressed, confused about yourself and many more .. –

It also gave some levels of self-harm theres these people who cut themself just a little bit and maybe just all couple weeks and then theres people who cut themself pretty often a day and mostly everyday. You should judge someone when he start cutting everyone has his own problems why he start, dont look away, help this person that that is something what these person really need.

And also people who Self-harm doesnt do it always at their wrist where everyone can see it, some poepl like me do it on a complete diffrent place cause we dont want that anyone knows about this we wanna hide our problems, hide that we are week and destroyed in the soul .

In the last days there was these story from Amanda Todd in the tv the girl who did Suicide and did self-harm and all this. I heard that people start writing she wasn deserve to life and some aother really bad stuff. I cant understand why people start saying shit like this cause exactly this bring girls in this circel of suicide and self-self, everyone is it worth it to live.

-Seriously everyone is it worth it to breathe to live and to being loved –

It makes me really mad to here stuff like this, they dont know what happend in a girl / boy mind hen someone start saying things like this to someone whos weak and self-harm then words like

– Slut, fag, bitch ,fat, ugly, whore, –

All these word bring someone to start self- harming, and these word are not that soon away from your mind there still years after this in your mind you start believing this, all this your ugly, fat … and this bring someone to this addiction of self-harm.

When these people doest stop to saying words like this and do it again and again a girl/boy start thinking sometimes about suicide how he could do this and all this. YOu get these thought sooner as you can believe, trust me i had them too a couple times and i almost did it. But some really important people stopped me to do it, people who i love and trust.

No one shoud believe people who saying words like this, in the soceity of 2012 its really hard to grow up to an healthy teenager/woman. The bullying in school is horrible, the suicde rates are horrible and the self-harm rate getting higher and higher. The kids start to forget how they actually do with saying these words. For them its just a word tat they say maybe a joke or just to be cool. But its not.

Its more then this, they all see this on Tv and think they are cool while there saying it but how are they feel when they would know the he killed someone with this words this person who gets bullied start self-harm and weeks/month/years after this this person saw just one way the Suicide. Whats then. ?

The Teenager rate of happy girls sink in the last years really fast cause in school theres these cool people, cheerleader, Blonde girls and then theres the Loser. But why start people bullying just about the fact one person doesnt look like the other , listen to other music, has some other interest ?

I still cant understand this i dont know why, we are all human, normal people who are on the Journey of life and want to see so much new things ..

We all just want to be loved, happy , and wanna enjoy our life is this to much that we all want ?

x Sarah

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