When Bands call it quit/Break up. 

Hey,

Most of you Know what i mean, you have a Favorit Band or One you really like. You Love to listen to their Music and you Support them as much as you can and Then One Day were you thought this Could Never Happen … They Call it quit … Out of nowhere.

It’s like your Heart would Shatter in Million Pieces, you Start crying and Cant stop and all what you can think of is Why? Why Does this Happen Right now?

Theres many ways to Fall in Love with a Band

– to Fall in Love with a Member

– or to Fall in Love with the lyrics

Mostly People can Identify their life with the lyrics of a certain Band, it’s like they would Know whats Going on, or understands you.

Music makes Everything less painfull.

Thats Why alot of People get attached to Bands Cause they Know How their feel, or throught what they been. Bands/Music has a Huge inpact of Most of the Poeple Life’s.

You keep Supporting that Band Cause they help you to keep Going and the thought that this Band Could stop to excist ist Something that no One really think about, and exactly thats Why Are Bands Break ups Always so hard for us to Understand or Handle.

You grab their Music when you feel sad or Alone and they Are Always there Even when Not in Person and Then when they Call it quit you don’t know How to Handle this.

Whos gonna Be there now when you Need someone ? When you listen now to their Music it’s Not the Same you Always Look Back at the “good” times and feel sad because it’s over.

Bands keep Most of the Teens Alive so hard it may Sounds.

Some Poeple Cant Handle These Feelings and lost the Control about themself, some just cry a Few times and get over it, Some don’t Even Care.

But for me a Band Break up when it’s One of my Fave it’s Never easy.i Always feel sad and hurt when i Look Back, i Know How much Fun i had with them and i Know it’s Never the Same … Sometimes you Cant Even Say goodbye to that Band Cause you Cant Afford to Travel so far, or they might can Afford to get on tour for the Last Time.

But Even How hard this Time is we shouldnt forget to good times and the New Friends we all Found through that Band. WE keep them in Out Heart forever

X sarah

April 1 : The Blog Month

 

Hello People,
Ive planned something and i really hope it works out. I didnt blogged in the past weeks cause i was collecting my ideas for this Month, i want to upload each dy a diffrent Blogpost some are really long and some are a little bit Short, just some little ideas that i have/had or just some little messages and thoughts that i wrote down :). Just like a little diary entry each day .. so hope you will enjoy it ❤

xx Sarah

LifeSaver

 

Hey World,

We all know how it feels it be alone, no ones there to talk to, or someone you can call or anything else. For people like us it can be a really dangerous situation, we are not save in situations likes this, we always try or even promise to stay strong but sometimes, our thoughts are louder that any promise we ever gave.

For us every dark situation, every bad thoughts are a non stop battle against ourself, we alwas try to win but sometimes we need to accept that we loose. We all have or might had a lot of battles against ourself or still batteling, its a never ending fight. In times like this some dont really know what they want for me personally i wish i could write a person that i need them in this time really bad ( might some of you feel the same ) but i cant, i was never a person who asked for help or anything.

Over the past month and years i become to an really god actor to play the perfect role, the perfekt smile happy face to show yeah of course everything is fine i put my mask on and played the game but at the inside i was dying everytime a little bit more.

Sometime people ask me if im ok or not, but even then i lie to them cause i dont want that they know about my real problems whats ive been battle against, or whats in my head and in my mind, i was 2 times at the point to give them all an end, 2 fucking time, sometimes i sit at a train station and think well one jump and its over .. just one step …

But then i remind myself abput something, theres something that helped always when i feel bad and alone and when no friend is there, its the music for me something really important, she is always with me and i know which song i need to choose, i know which band helps me with their lyrics, its like they understand me, what ive been going through or all what thinking about in this situation they are there for this moment and they say these words that i need, Bands like

– Simple Plan

– Linkin Park

– Good Charlotte

thats just the top theres some more and these are the band that i normal listen to in times like these when i just need someone.Musix and specially these Bands are my lifesaver, so many times they helped me, so many times they stopped me when i was start to cut again what no one of my friends knows ..

Theres always a  small line between giving up and stand up again to fight the battle from the beginning. I really Love my Friends but they have all so many problems and i dont want to bother them with mine too, the deserve so much more to be happy, to smile and to enjoy the life. My Friends are my everything if you hurt them you hurt me too. There are also my lifesaver they helped me in the past so often, theres no us without you and me. My Babes are my heart and my soul, i know that i fight all this battles for them that i need to be strong for them, we all need to be strong for everyone, when one person gives up, then we all fall, 2 girls saved for almost 1,5 years my life, but they wrote me they was there and im really thankfull for this i really am. Without them i wouldnt be here anymore.

Day by Day we fight, we have battles with others or with ourself, we get everytime a little bit stronger out of the fight yea we loose sometimes but we need to look forward to, do it for the people who loves you and who you love.

Dont forget Bands are always there and Listen

 

Im Proud of you, you are still here xx

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Clean since 36 days

Within Seconds falling in a really dangerous and bad mood

 

Hey,

Laughin at one time and just sec or might minutes later all what you ever could wish for is to die right now, jump infront of a train, cut so deep that you die. The hate against yourself is getting bigger and bigger, you get more disgusted from yourself and hate everything about you. Yeah i falling back into the dark place of me and no one knows about this, i try to hold my happy face as much as i can so no one gotta know how fucked up i am at this time.

 

No one care and never will

 

The thoughts of dying are really often there, when i stay at a train station or need to go to the doctor or anything else, just to stand there and thinking about the easy way to leave this bullshit here, jump infront of a car but this probertly wouldnt even kill me, it just would break my bones, i think to die while you jump infront of a car wouldnt be much high ….

I never tried it, i wouldnt i would never try or at the end do it  … i really think someday i die of commit suicide and i dont want any help thats things i deal with, the last weeks and last years .. i got out of this for a while i really was for a couple of month really happy laughed really and all this but at the moment the darkness is just there again … no one knows it .. cause i know how much of my friends are dealing also with things like that and we all have our own problems so i dont want to talk with them about it. They probertly the only people who would understands me but i dont want to. I dont want to talk to anyone about this … it just shows how weak and fucked up i really am and this is a site that no one should ever see or know about me.

 

To die would be an awfully big adventure

 

Its like i would drowning, im now at a point in my life where i dont know what to do … i dont even see myself standind in the future having a good running life, a job that i love and do things i ever wanted to do, life is just exhausting you need to do things you dont want to do, and smile even when you would prefer laying in your bed and crying the whole time. Theres no point at the moment to hold on to, something where i could say yeah i have something to work on to make something better or anything else … no theres just me with no future, just nothing …

I have tomorrow a appointment with a lady which should help me to get a way back into work life and all this but the fact to go to her creeps me out i get panic attacks already about the thought to talk with a stranger about my situation right now and why i dont have a job, i cant really tell her that the thought of getting a new job freaks me out at the moment to work with people that i dont know, people who probertly judge me by the way i am or maybe how i look …

I know i cant really know how they are and if they would judge me, but this is in me and i cant change these thoughts, i really cant i have a chance to get a new one but the fact i need to call this person to ask for the job i need to call a stranger and ask for something, thats something i cant do, i cant.

I wish my life would be diffrent, easy like some others are, i wish i wouldnt freak out about stuff like this wouldnt wish me things like dying i really do but thats probertly things i deserve, counting the days where im finally at the end of this bullshit and free.

All what we can do is hoping for a better day and to survive the night … right ?

Sarah …

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Tried her best till the very end ..

 

 

 

You can stand still but the world and everything else is moving

Hello,

Sometimes it felts like i wouldnt move forward with anything im at a point where im asking myself, the same questions

Why are you doing This ?

Why are you deserve it to be treated like this ?

Where did i go wrong ?

Is it all my fault ?

I think everyone in his life has this thing called “crisis” well i have mine since almost 4 month and im actually at i point where i dont know if im still good enough in things that ive learned, am i ready to start something new , just am i really ready for this. Im honestly not quiet sure what i should do or with what i should start … there so many thing i actually should do to get out but im still here at the same point at the same place and everything else is still moving, everyone start to plan things, going out and all this and im here.

Here with no idea what i should do with my life now .. how i should move forward to cause everything what i do seems to be wrong or end wrong. I never asked for many things in my life, i always needed to fight for everything in my life and all what ive got was bullshit … im not a person who is to fine to work with dirt or something else, all what i ever wanted to do, is to work in a job that i love with amazing people .. but the last jobs ive had where horrible, i was always the stupid one who did everything wrong.

But now its getting serious i dont want to live from the money of the Land here, i want to work thats defently not the point, i do all what i can and have but it seems its not enough obviously.

Everyone around me seems to move on, know what to do next planning trips, meeting people and other amazing things yeah and then theres me the little black dot that dont belongs in there, no job no Future right ?!

I dont know what to do i did all what i can do .. i just want to work as a Florist what ive learned, and also loved and still do at some point.

Every single day i woke up and asking myself and now ? What to do now everyone you know is at work or has no time and you sit like every single fucking day at home getting depressed each day more and more and panic attack about the fact the time is running what is with my Future, what to do now, my life need to change. Something need to happen soon .. im honstly not quiet sure how long i will stay strong .. im feeling myself every day more and more worthless about the fact im to dumb to get a fucking job, seriously how dumb do you need to be fo getting no job …. i try all what i can do, i really do … but all what i doo seems to be unnecessary …

A stopped talking with people that i love about all this what is going on in me and with what im fighting the last couple month i think no one gonna understands my situation right now .. to stand infront of a long way where no end to see  .. im running and running but theres no end … its like a fucking labyrinth where i dont need to find out.

Theres sometimes for a short minute the thought i could bring it all withing seconf to an end, to a point where i dont need to fight anymore .. one jump, one cut just one wrong move .. it would be so easy … really easy .. But then i remind myself i would hurt people with it, they were sad when i would leave or would they or ?

A Person has alot of faces to show in life … the happy one is one of my Favorits .. no one ask you how you feel, whats going on, how your day was, cause it seems everything is good how it is.

Sometimes i think its might better when people wouldnt know how you really feel and with what of thought you are fighting with, i dont want to pull people with me in this little black hole that im in and probertly also gonna stay for a while, people who are depressed and suicidal for a very long time are amazing actors, the can show you the beauty side of your life that doesnt excist while there dying inside with to many things and questions.

I always got told your job that you lost wasnt good for you it wasnt the right one .. well its was might true but i had one, i had money to pay everything, yes my life was a mess in this time my health was probertly not the good one but i had a job … I know when 2013 end i need to find an end of this, i need to theres no other chance and when it is the last thing i do, i just need to..

The time is running faster and faster each year … i want to reach something in my life .. i want to move away from here .. visit other places and stuff that everyone seems to do except me .. im here .. all by myself … …everyday … every night …

I dont know if this what ive wrote here makes any sense i just pulled it out .. thats it Image

Thoughts over Thoughts

Hey peeps,

Hope you are all good and everything runnings good in your life ?

In the last days and weeks i thought about allot of things good and bad ones and i start re reading my old blogs here that i post and i dont know i said pretty often its getting better and all this in the last weeks it doesnt really run good to be honest, sometimes i dont know what think about this whole situation, my mum said when one door close for you then somewherea new one open for me.

But Honestly the past month/year i just had always closed doors and i dont know how many doors i try to open to be finally there where i want and can stay ?

I didnt talk to anyone about all this cause i dont know the whole situation between my friends feels like as somthing change i dont know why always when i feel i shoud say something to be not alone here i feel like i would annoy them cause im not really a happy person and have so many good stuff to talk about i had in the past just shit to talk about and thats why i decided for a few weeks ago to stop talking about my problems and whats really going on, but i feel like its getting to much at the moment, i sit alone look a few times aday at my screen and no messages nothing and this kinda feel weird normally i have messages but it changes in so many ways.

I wish i would really know what happend, wheres the part who all this “relation” between us break and maybe i would know how to fix this or to try to make it better as it already is ?

It felt all so unreal the past weeks i cant even describe it really its like everything else gonna be more important as i am, as all what been said was wrong and not even really true, i just lay at night in my bed i think about a few things and start crying cause i dont understand what happend and what i can do to make all this better as now ?

Theres so many things that i wanna say, but i feel she wouldnt understand what i wanna say and thats the problem i cant tell her really what i feel and how i gonna feel.

This makes it all not easy and it start that something getting between us we talked last year almost every day sometime a couple times a day but now 3 times a week ?

What happend ? you said i were important for you but this silence is killing me inside and i dont know what to say or think about it ? did i said something wrong ? did i act wrong or what happend i just wanna know what happend and how i could fix it to get back to the old days is this to much ? I dont wanna loose the reason(s) why im still here and try to stay here ?

I Just want to see you and hug you is this to much that i want ? Just to have you back at my site and feeling complete and not lost anymore ?

x sarah

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