Getting Judged

Hey Hey,

Ive seen or read it quiet a lot and to be honest you cant do anything right in the eyes of others. Everything you do is wrong and you get judged, it doesnt care what you wear, what you think of, how you wanna live your life or how you decided to change your eating behaviour. It just doesnt care people wll judge because you are diffrent and in their eyes diffrent is wrong.

I cant really count how many times i got judged just because i have a different opinion on things, or just because i dye my hair. Its always the same people judge.

I dont know why they always do, if they are bored or whatever, i wish people would stop judge others, why do they dont accept everyone, its a free world where everyone should live their live how they want. We have 2015 and in some countries people are still afraid to live their love life open to others, why dont we all accept love is love no matter what gender. Why does it still have to be a “wrong” attitude. ITS NOT.

Why does Teenagers still get judged just because they dont wear the new Nike Airforce ? Or when they look different live a diffrent style, or whatever, people look like that because they want to, they express themself like that, dont point with a finger on them, let them alone and care about your own buisness. Or at least talk to them and ask them why they live a dffrent live to yours, you will see sometimes it can be pretty interesting.

People have to stop to judge others eatng behaviour, when people want to live Vegeterian/vegan let them. Its a decision they made and they are happy with it and no they eat enough and no they dont have tp make some pills because of it o they might miss some vitamins, dont worry we are fine! Dont judge just because you dont know anything about it, better ask before you judge and you will see we get enough to eat and in the year of 2015 theres a lot of food made for Vegeterians/Vegans so dont worry.

Dont be stupid and judge people who you dont know, ask them why they live like that might you find some new friends in thoose poeple who knows, i found a lot of people who are diffrent but im glad a start to talking to them because in the end we have a few things n common and we are now really good friends so stop to judge and start to talk with thoose people, theres already enough hate in this world so make a change. Every Voice is a change for something better in the future.

x  Sarah



When Bands call it quit/Break up. 


Most of you Know what i mean, you have a Favorit Band or One you really like. You Love to listen to their Music and you Support them as much as you can and Then One Day were you thought this Could Never Happen … They Call it quit … Out of nowhere.

It’s like your Heart would Shatter in Million Pieces, you Start crying and Cant stop and all what you can think of is Why? Why Does this Happen Right now?

Theres many ways to Fall in Love with a Band

– to Fall in Love with a Member

– or to Fall in Love with the lyrics

Mostly People can Identify their life with the lyrics of a certain Band, it’s like they would Know whats Going on, or understands you.

Music makes Everything less painfull.

Thats Why alot of People get attached to Bands Cause they Know How their feel, or throught what they been. Bands/Music has a Huge inpact of Most of the Poeple Life’s.

You keep Supporting that Band Cause they help you to keep Going and the thought that this Band Could stop to excist ist Something that no One really think about, and exactly thats Why Are Bands Break ups Always so hard for us to Understand or Handle.

You grab their Music when you feel sad or Alone and they Are Always there Even when Not in Person and Then when they Call it quit you don’t know How to Handle this.

Whos gonna Be there now when you Need someone ? When you listen now to their Music it’s Not the Same you Always Look Back at the “good” times and feel sad because it’s over.

Bands keep Most of the Teens Alive so hard it may Sounds.

Some Poeple Cant Handle These Feelings and lost the Control about themself, some just cry a Few times and get over it, Some don’t Even Care.

But for me a Band Break up when it’s One of my Fave it’s Never easy.i Always feel sad and hurt when i Look Back, i Know How much Fun i had with them and i Know it’s Never the Same … Sometimes you Cant Even Say goodbye to that Band Cause you Cant Afford to Travel so far, or they might can Afford to get on tour for the Last Time.

But Even How hard this Time is we shouldnt forget to good times and the New Friends we all Found through that Band. WE keep them in Out Heart forever

X sarah

April 7 : Just be Yourself


Hey Readers,


We are all diffrent, we like other stuff, listen to diffrent music and many many things more, sometimes the soceity or people try to change us, just because we need to fit in a perfect line or the perfect picture, its hard to find your own way in life to be like who you want to be in the future or now, its hard i know, i had also a journey where i lost my way to stand for what i am and what i love i changed myself for people, i stopped being myself and i stopped to believe some things.

But i found my way back, i know who i am and for what i need to stand up and for what not. I know what i love and i do love it because i want to and i dont change myself again, never change yourself for others be you cause this is the only way to be happy in one way, it doesnt help you to be somebody else just the get friends .. people will love you just like how you are.


x Sarah

Post Concert Depression

Hey World,

I want to bring up something that im dealing with so often in the past 3 Years. Im talking about a Post Concer Depression, might some of you know what im talking about, but for thoose who not know heres some information and the feeling i get over and over again

For many people like me a Concert is not just a concert where we go to and have some time together, might dancing around and something, for me a Concert is always something to look forward to , to be happy about just something to keep me alive and dont let me getting insane in this whole World. A Concert is for me something magical that no one could ever gave me, this feeling i get when i wait in the line before the show 2,4 or maybe even 10 hours, yeah for some of you this sounds crazy or something but for me its something i wanna do to might have the chance to meet one of the people who helped and saved my life so many times.

To know i get closer to the time when i just can let fall my mask that i wear day by day to act like im happy and smiling, i just can be myself in this 2 Hours, i can spend my time with 1000 Strangers in one room but all i know is we have all something in common we are all there for this Band, something just because the same reason others are just there to spend an awesome time ans then go home and thats it.

Not for me, in this 2 Hours, i just can be me, i dont need to act like im happy cause in this 2 Hours i really am happy, i smile and i really mean it, its everytime a new experience on a concert its always diffrent but at the end it makes me always unbelievable happy. My Life isnt always the best and easy one, i try my best day by day i do things that i dont like at jobs,pretend if im allright day by day, we all do this somehow and all this stress we had this anger in us, it falls down from our shoulders within seconds of standing in the crowd, we look up to the Singer or the Band why we are there, when the first melody, the first line it gets us, everything is surreal, everything we see looks so bright so beautifull, we forget everything what was or even is and we are there where we belong to.

When the first lyrics starts you already know them you can sing everysingle line everysingle word, the melody goes through you body you heart is beating to the melody that got played, you start dancing like its one f the normals things, the people right next to oyu to the same, thousand of people enjoying something so special and wonderfull at the same time. You Jump up and down, theres not much room where you stand but it doesnt care, even if you fall someone picks you up and smileys at you, you´ve me surrounded by so many wonderfull people. You dont feel how the time flies how short actually 2 hours are …  Some Lyrics of some songs mean the most to you, words that saved you, words that helped you when no one was there. You start crying cause they sing about something how you feel, what you´ve been  going through or still dealing with. You look up to them, sing with them everysingle word and crying cause theres someone who understands how you feel and he is always there for you.

The moment when the Show is over, the Bands leaves the stage, you cant really realise what happend, how can be 2 hours so short, its all surreal and you are just there and dont know what to do, to think or you dont even know wheres the exit, you waited for this moment might weeks or Month sometimes also years for this special moment and then its over.

You leave the Hall where there performed, you might check the merch to grab something from their stuff and then you leave you might wait till they might comes out or you go home, filled with Happiness and sadness at the same time. You cant even describe really how you feel you have a smile on your face and tears in your eyes. All what you want is already going back to see this show again and again. You know tomorrow is the same old life back the time where you put your Mask on and pretend you are allright and everything is fine.

a Days or Days you feel sick and alone, you can start crying directly when you look back to the show, you get the good feeling back when you think about the whole show, but then you wake up and realise its over and you start crying like hell, you want to be happy, you want the show back your lifesaver on stage everything but you cant. This is a Post Concer Depression.

I dont know i cant even count how much i had a depression like that actually my whole life is a Post Concer Depression, cause there i can be who i am and dont need to pretend something diffrent.

You try to find in the Social Network people who feel the same like you, people who understands you, the feeling you have and how much you miss this Band this feeling, you try to look forward to, to the next show or planning to travel to another city to see them Live, i already did this i traveld through my whole country to see a Band live, for some it might sounds crazy but for me its the only thing that keeps me alive.
Together we are strong, a Fanbase should stay together cause we all feel the same, we go all through the same emotional rollercoaster, we find new people with diffrent storys and nobody should get judge by what hes been listen to. We all want to break out of Life jsut for 2 Hours we just want to feel again. Even when just for 2 Hours.

Thats my Story

If You want you can write me yours x





Hey World,

We all know how it feels it be alone, no ones there to talk to, or someone you can call or anything else. For people like us it can be a really dangerous situation, we are not save in situations likes this, we always try or even promise to stay strong but sometimes, our thoughts are louder that any promise we ever gave.

For us every dark situation, every bad thoughts are a non stop battle against ourself, we alwas try to win but sometimes we need to accept that we loose. We all have or might had a lot of battles against ourself or still batteling, its a never ending fight. In times like this some dont really know what they want for me personally i wish i could write a person that i need them in this time really bad ( might some of you feel the same ) but i cant, i was never a person who asked for help or anything.

Over the past month and years i become to an really god actor to play the perfect role, the perfekt smile happy face to show yeah of course everything is fine i put my mask on and played the game but at the inside i was dying everytime a little bit more.

Sometime people ask me if im ok or not, but even then i lie to them cause i dont want that they know about my real problems whats ive been battle against, or whats in my head and in my mind, i was 2 times at the point to give them all an end, 2 fucking time, sometimes i sit at a train station and think well one jump and its over .. just one step …

But then i remind myself abput something, theres something that helped always when i feel bad and alone and when no friend is there, its the music for me something really important, she is always with me and i know which song i need to choose, i know which band helps me with their lyrics, its like they understand me, what ive been going through or all what thinking about in this situation they are there for this moment and they say these words that i need, Bands like

– Simple Plan

– Linkin Park

– Good Charlotte

thats just the top theres some more and these are the band that i normal listen to in times like these when i just need someone.Musix and specially these Bands are my lifesaver, so many times they helped me, so many times they stopped me when i was start to cut again what no one of my friends knows ..

Theres always a  small line between giving up and stand up again to fight the battle from the beginning. I really Love my Friends but they have all so many problems and i dont want to bother them with mine too, the deserve so much more to be happy, to smile and to enjoy the life. My Friends are my everything if you hurt them you hurt me too. There are also my lifesaver they helped me in the past so often, theres no us without you and me. My Babes are my heart and my soul, i know that i fight all this battles for them that i need to be strong for them, we all need to be strong for everyone, when one person gives up, then we all fall, 2 girls saved for almost 1,5 years my life, but they wrote me they was there and im really thankfull for this i really am. Without them i wouldnt be here anymore.

Day by Day we fight, we have battles with others or with ourself, we get everytime a little bit stronger out of the fight yea we loose sometimes but we need to look forward to, do it for the people who loves you and who you love.

Dont forget Bands are always there and Listen


Im Proud of you, you are still here xx




Clean since 36 days

Love is Love no matter which Gender you or your partner are.

Hey People,

Pretty often in the news or in the Television the Love between two men or two woman is still a big deal, or in diffrent countrys like russia its not allowed to live in a releation ship like this, its not allowed to fall in love with the same gender.

Some kind of people still think that something is wrong with thoose people or they are sick or disgusted by them, sure everyone has a own view of all this, but i cant understand this LOVE is LOVE, no matter what even wehen you have the same Gender. I really cant understand people who start hating people who Love the same Gender they are all human the same like we are they Love someone truly and do the same things that Man and Woman do in their relationship, the only diffrence is the Gender and actually this shouldnt be a thing to hate someone for.

We are all human and we are all looking for love and searching for someone who we can love and spend the rest of my life with, no one should ever get hated, bullied or offend for something that makes himself happy.

I think we all live in 2014 now and it shouldnt be a big deal anymore for getting arrested just because you LOVE.

Selena Gomez an actress, singer and all round talent had a World Tour in 2013, she had plannend to play a few concert in russia, she is a suport for same Marriage and Love, her Visum for Russia got denied cause she supports it, theres not just russia where people get problems. In the USA theres still some states where its not allowed to marry the Love of your life just because the same Gender.

Like in the Soccer career its still not a thing to talk about “Outings” its still a forbidden thing cause they are to scared to get attacked from Fans or even other Soccer player. In Germany a ex- National player called Thomas Hitzlsperger. After he left his football career he admits that he is Homosexual. He was to scared to talk about it in his career but after he left his Job as a Soccer he found the strenght to talk about it.

Also some Youtuber called Tyler Oakley and Troye Sivan found the strenght to talk about it, they are both homosexual and they show it and are proud of it, Troye shot a Video 07.08.2013 when he admits the whole world that he is gay, he filmed a Video called Comming out “Link below”, he talks about it how he felt and everything you should watch it if you are scared to have you own comming out.

— > <—

Theres so many people in the world who are Homosexual or Lesbian

– Ellen Degeneres

– Ricky Martin

– Elton John

– Lance Bass

– Jodie Foster

and many many more.

You cant judge people for what they love and live for, when you look on the street or at the train station in someones  eyes you cant see if they ot not, all what you see is a wonderfull human who live.

People who get hated or bullied mostly start to self-harm cause they cant stand the hate what they get, and they didnt even deserve this, they start to loose the happiness in they life and get depressed and really sad, sometimes it sadly end with suicide just because they open to people that they Love someone who seems to be in their eyes not right . So many people died of suicide just because getting bullied or something else in some country all over the world they also get killed because of this, or they get sexual abused. Itsnot right and never will. Sometimes i feel very sad and really angry why people are so stupid andy why they hate something where they dont have a clue from. They just listen to other people ot the newspaper what they say that dont even have a own oppinion so people make me sick, let them alone.

For me personally one of my uncle admits almost at christmas that he is homosexual and i was happy about it cause he talked with us about it and for me its wasnt a big deal a still love him cause he is still the same person, lots of my school friends are now lesbian and now, nothing they all found someone who they really love and this makes me happy, i personally dont judge someone for the point that he or she love the same Gender or might both who know. I honestly wouldnt say no to a wonderfull woman when she ask me to do kiss or something, and would you be Honest to yourself you woulnd also say no when “Jennifer Lawrence/Megan Fox) ask you ;).

We all have a tough time in our life we try to do the best what we can we have all trouble at work with family and friends or something else and all what we dont want is to get judge for something thats actually normal but for some people its nor right or wrong or thoose people are sick.

Please let thoose people alone and let them live their own life its not your fucking deal do bully, judge thoose people they are lovley and sweet wonderfull people and they deserve to be happy. Dont be jeleous just because they found the love of their life an you dont.

I do and always will Support them

Thats all what i want to say



Theres no diffrence right ?

Be replaced by other …




I think we all had this feeling someday in our life, the feeling o not good enough anymore or that others stop to care about you, you seems not anymore important to them, you see how they speak with other everyday more and more and with you, maybe twice a week. 

We all start in our early years to make new friends, find people or better said little kids that we have somethin in common, but we all start to grow up really fast when we start to go in school we change ourself and the things we love and our personality. Sometimes we all cant hold the friendship to our first friends in live and we start top replace them with other that we start to have more and more in common we start to loose the connection to them and stop to care anymore about them.

We meet a lot o new people on our journey of life and sometimeswe loose the people that we thought we love the most adn had the strongest connection too. Its life we all know that. Sometimes its really hard to realise to give up on people cause we changed to much and have nothing anymore in common with this person nothing that you can hold on to. We know how much it hurts to be replace by ther from your closet friend, but sometimes we need to let people go no matter how hard it could be, even how much it gonna hurts, but hold on a friendship where no end is to see, this is not a realy friendship.

Sure for a real strong friendship you need to work for and with it, its work to hod on something like this wonderfull and the hard work need to come from both sites cause otherwise its doesnt even make sens a friendship is from two sites not just from one. When you feel something is wrong with the frienship or with the person just ask whats wrong or that something is not right woth the friendship and you both need to figure out what, cause when the friendship is so important for you as for the other person you will made it, i think no one of you will be replaced by a stranger and you dont want loose the closet person of you that you ever had.

Never forget how much it could hurts being or be replaced by someone else, to get forget and hurt by the Person you thought you love and get loved the most, a friendship is hard work and you need to work on it.

I´ve been replaced way to often from people that i thought they love me for who i am, how i look and all this … but they start talking shit behind my back or we stopped talking or we just stopped to have things in common and they shared everything with it with other and they didnt even care what you´ve been thinking about it.

It hurts like hell to have the feeling of getting might replaced from others or that this person could love others more like you, its never easy to get over something like this, so do something for it, try to figure out what could be wrong and what happend and might you both find a way out and no one need to replaced and you will have a very long friendship you can looking forward to and looking back in the future


x Sarah







My Year 2013 a little flashback to everything what happend


Hello People,


Another Year is over, another drama ends .. lets end this year with a big bang or a big hangover. This year was probertly for me one of the stressful and hardest years ive had. Im Glad its over and i hope the new one 2014 is a little bit better to me as 2013 was.

As you know from my 2012 Post i seperate each month in a blog so its better to read. But what i can happy say 2013 wa defently  a big concert year for me so lets start with my little throwback of 2013.

I will link in each month my Blog post that ive post in that month might you miss something interesting.


January :

A New Year a new start right?. Well at this year started i knew it cause number 13 in the year thats this Year dont be a good one to be honest. Gladly my Year started with a new Concert from a German Band Called “Jennifer Rostock”, when you understand german you should check them defently out. Ive done my best to get a new Job i really tried and at alomost the end of January i had finally some Luck at my Site ive got a new Job as a Florist it should start in Febuary and i was really happy about it.


Febuary :

My new Job begun i was really really happy about it, i had a really really nice workmate and whe had together a lot of fun sadly we had a hard winter in this Month, normally i love Snow but this was really hard i mean at Valentines day Snow not really good huh?. Also the Month stated with a Amazing concert from the Band Natives/We the Kings, they are really good live. For me then point ive got a job was really important i had finally something to look forward to to have something to get out of the bed and all this, to start a new chapter of my lfie, i really thought finally ive got some luck in my life. At Valentines day a really hard day in my Job as a Florist, i had a Concert at the end of my 11Hours Workday i was really exhausted but totally was looking forward to it, it was from The Blackout/Set it Off/Yellowcard, the first time i saw each of them live. Ive spent this night with one of my most important friends in my life called Miss Sophie, we had a wonderfull time together. At the end of Febuary ive went to another Concert, yeah 3 concert ina month are allot haha it was from Blitzkids/Lower Than Atlantis the 2 time i saw Lower again aqnd they totally killed the show.


March :

A Happy Month i finally got some new colour under my skin, finally At the beginning of March ive got the writing ” Never a failure always a lesson on my right chest and at the end of the month 3 Butterflys, its not done already there a many more thigns that get ad to it but its all really expesive so i need to wait to get more.


April :

Sadly at the end of April i lost my new job,  cause my ex Boss need to close the Shop where i worked so i was back with no job, it really depressed me after this cause obviously i was not even be able to have a Job and some Luck in my life, i was really sad about it, i had fun at this place :/. I tried my best to not fall back into a bad mood again and im not proud of it that i cut in this time a few times again, im really not proud of it and no one really knows abaout this, i just felt worthless and too dumb to even hold a stupid Job i know it was not my Fault but i felt really worthless that i didnt done my best what i can :(. I was just alone in this tough time. I was glad that i concert kind of helped me to stop cutting, a Band called Imagine Dragons, their song Demons is my song he has one of the most beautiful lyrics from their record ..

Don’t want to let you down
But I am hell bound
Though this is all for you
Don’t want to hide the truth
No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

Thats just a snipped of the Song but it really helped me and still has now at the end of the year a huge Positive vibe for me and it helpes my kind of when im falling back into the dark times to not to cut to be strong and to stay it.


March :

The new Month without a job … yeah that was kind of hard for me .. i went to a concert at the beginning of the Month from We are the in crowd/Never Shout Never, yeah i had fun there but it was not like the same time to be honest … normally music is the thing for me that helps me a lot when im sad or when no one is there to talk to, Music helps me in so many ways, sometimes my situation and how i feel dont understand everyone thats also why i stopped to talking about all of my problems in my life, sometimes they dont seem to care about it or they dont understand it, its always the same thing always.

June :

A Happy Month beginning, i took the train to my babes in Berlin, i really missed my babes so much, i really hate the distance between us, it makes it all not really easy, i wish they would right next to me and i would be able to see them every single day, spent so many hours a day with them and just cuddle them all day, but how we all know life sucks and they live 540 km away from me. Ive meet them last Year and im really happy about it we are all really close with my babe from Euskirchen and from Ebern, no one can ruin our friendship that we have and always gonna have. Its a connection between us thats hard to explain really, we meet and we already knew we have so many things in common and a invisible band between us that no one could ruin or cut. Ive spent a whole week in Berlin and had really much fun up there i went to Missys Birthday with my gal Claudi and we had a wonderfull cosy night. The day i left Berlin was for me really sad, i already missed these wonerfull gilrs  i knew that i saw them really soon back but it hurts everytime.

And this soundcloud message in my Link here is a relly impressing thing i mean listen to it and tell me what you think, its kind of scary somehow

yeah i post a lot in june

July :

What to say about July it was atually a really quiet month, i tried to survive this month, not much happend just the event here Kölner Lichter an event to celebrate some fireworks in cologne, i went there with my beautifull gal Sophie, Jenny and Isa, at the beginning we had a lot of fun, we drunk some cocktails and laughed a lot at the end so about 2 hours before everything started, a men tried to piss me off and the other i tried to annoy some people and pushed us away from our place so whe had no chance to see the firework sometimes people ask me why i hate people so much well this is one the reasons there are all big douchebags and piss me off. After that Event we went to a Cocktail bar and drunk a little bit and after might 2 hours we went home, it was a really sweet day. That was it actually this month. My Lovley Elli introduced me a guy called Dan and he made Youtube Videos and this was the beginning of a really intense addiction.

i Didnt even bloged in this month.

August :

A Quiet lame month i spent probertly 30 days in my bed and was  much depressed about everything adn the whole world.

September :

A really good Month Kind of, my babes from Berlin visted me here in my Hometown cologne and i could show them where i live. My First Babes claudi came in the last week of september to go with my and Sophie to an Concert of Set it off/Tonight Alive. She brought her friend Sarah with her she is a really sweet girl im friend with her too :). We had there a lot of fun. We jumped and screamed sung all the song from the Boys after their performance we went to the Merch and bought some stuff from them and waited outsied to meet them, we waited really long some of them thought no one would love to see them so they went back in the house but we ask one to get them out and luckly the came out so we made some pictures got some autographs these boys a really really nice we had a wonderfull time there. It always make me extremly sad when my babes need to leave me again me and Sophie brought them to the Bus station and had a heartbreaking goodbye. I went with Sophie and some more friend to the concert at Saturday to Sleeping with Sirens/Hands like House/ The Getaway Plan/ The Summer Set sadly my body decided to hurt like fuck and i need to leave early so i dindt saw much of the show.


Another wonderfull Month my babe Missy visited me for a whole week in my hometown and i was really really happy about it. It took her probertly 7 hours to be here with me but i was really happy to have her here. We did a lot of things we went shopping and visit Sophie at her place for a little suprise we talked a lot and laughed a lot, just a wonderfull time sadly Sophie left us to drove to Poland and couldnt make it with us on Sunday to a Concert of The Blackout, Claudi came at Friday to go with us to that Concert we had a lot of fun the boys are so nice and sweet, i never heard of them before Elli and Claudi introduced me their music last year im really thankfull for this. Aftr a Wonderfull week they left me to go back to Berlin and to Hamburg to see them again cause its their Fave Band. I was really sad that they left me. I Hope im able to see them soon again i really miss them and just the skype calls make it not better the missing thing.

November :

The Magical Month omg ive waited for this day so long first of all i saw this month Imagine Dragons again the 2 time and for the very very first time i saw Panic! at the Disco, i was a really happy Girl at this day, i meet so many new people there, which i gonna see next year again at a Panic! and a Fall out boy Show. Its so amazing the show was really amazing i mean we talk about Brendon Urie haha. It was a amazing show and i was a bit sad that ive got no Plectru from one of the boys, so i got home with a Tshirt and a wristband that ive bought and change my clothes to sleeping ones and then i felt something weird in my bag and it was a freaking plectrum i didnt even know that i got one i was really happy, jumped trough my whole room, that defently made my day even better as it already was. Few days later i went to the Imagine dragons show its was really cold outside i waited almost 7 Hours outside to get into the front row what i already was then the 2 Opening Bands they were ok but they didnt beat Imagine dragons, there were really perfect again and they sung again Demons my Fave i really tried not to cry its really a song that touches me a lot and i also want i line tattoed on my arm to remind me im strong and i can do it. I went out of the hall really happy and smiling.

December :

Well the last moth of the year the countdown to close the chapter 2013 and open a new one called 2014. It was a really rough year and there a lot of things that i dont want to talk about here cause i dont know whos gonna read this here some things that im not really proud of doesnt know anynone not even my friends andi think it wouldnt be good if they knew it so i keep it for myself … might someday i tell it but now im not ready fir this. Im really Glad this year is now over at one site ive meet so mane new Poeple, had so many amazing moments, but theres still to many dark moments in my life that i need to sort out kind of i dont know how to be honest that the dark parts of myself seems like there were a important part of myself and i think i would miss them i let them go. Probelty they never would leave me, we all have our own demon inside of us some of us know how to keep them inside and some of us dont we are a bit broke and the demons always find the place were we broke to get outside and destroy us.

all i want for 2014 is some more luck in my life to let people who hurt me over and over again go, and stop letting treating me like a fukcing doll, i have trust issue and all this makes it not even better . I will try to be a better Person to be happier, to spend some more time outside, probertly all by myself, and theres a lot of thing i need to talk about with a few of my friends theres things who need to talk about cause i think theres walls between some of my and my friends that i things when it would change something soon it ends by the fact we are no longer friends anymore. I just need to sort my life get a new Job and looking forward this is all what i need to do i know it will be hard even when its the last thing i do.

2502 words later … Im thankfull for all people who spent some time with me this year i love you all from the bottom of my heart and i hope i will spend with some of you some more time next year too

xx Sarah







You can stand still but the world and everything else is moving


Sometimes it felts like i wouldnt move forward with anything im at a point where im asking myself, the same questions

Why are you doing This ?

Why are you deserve it to be treated like this ?

Where did i go wrong ?

Is it all my fault ?

I think everyone in his life has this thing called “crisis” well i have mine since almost 4 month and im actually at i point where i dont know if im still good enough in things that ive learned, am i ready to start something new , just am i really ready for this. Im honestly not quiet sure what i should do or with what i should start … there so many thing i actually should do to get out but im still here at the same point at the same place and everything else is still moving, everyone start to plan things, going out and all this and im here.

Here with no idea what i should do with my life now .. how i should move forward to cause everything what i do seems to be wrong or end wrong. I never asked for many things in my life, i always needed to fight for everything in my life and all what ive got was bullshit … im not a person who is to fine to work with dirt or something else, all what i ever wanted to do, is to work in a job that i love with amazing people .. but the last jobs ive had where horrible, i was always the stupid one who did everything wrong.

But now its getting serious i dont want to live from the money of the Land here, i want to work thats defently not the point, i do all what i can and have but it seems its not enough obviously.

Everyone around me seems to move on, know what to do next planning trips, meeting people and other amazing things yeah and then theres me the little black dot that dont belongs in there, no job no Future right ?!

I dont know what to do i did all what i can do .. i just want to work as a Florist what ive learned, and also loved and still do at some point.

Every single day i woke up and asking myself and now ? What to do now everyone you know is at work or has no time and you sit like every single fucking day at home getting depressed each day more and more and panic attack about the fact the time is running what is with my Future, what to do now, my life need to change. Something need to happen soon .. im honstly not quiet sure how long i will stay strong .. im feeling myself every day more and more worthless about the fact im to dumb to get a fucking job, seriously how dumb do you need to be fo getting no job …. i try all what i can do, i really do … but all what i doo seems to be unnecessary …

A stopped talking with people that i love about all this what is going on in me and with what im fighting the last couple month i think no one gonna understands my situation right now .. to stand infront of a long way where no end to see  .. im running and running but theres no end … its like a fucking labyrinth where i dont need to find out.

Theres sometimes for a short minute the thought i could bring it all withing seconf to an end, to a point where i dont need to fight anymore .. one jump, one cut just one wrong move .. it would be so easy … really easy .. But then i remind myself i would hurt people with it, they were sad when i would leave or would they or ?

A Person has alot of faces to show in life … the happy one is one of my Favorits .. no one ask you how you feel, whats going on, how your day was, cause it seems everything is good how it is.

Sometimes i think its might better when people wouldnt know how you really feel and with what of thought you are fighting with, i dont want to pull people with me in this little black hole that im in and probertly also gonna stay for a while, people who are depressed and suicidal for a very long time are amazing actors, the can show you the beauty side of your life that doesnt excist while there dying inside with to many things and questions.

I always got told your job that you lost wasnt good for you it wasnt the right one .. well its was might true but i had one, i had money to pay everything, yes my life was a mess in this time my health was probertly not the good one but i had a job … I know when 2013 end i need to find an end of this, i need to theres no other chance and when it is the last thing i do, i just need to..

The time is running faster and faster each year … i want to reach something in my life .. i want to move away from here .. visit other places and stuff that everyone seems to do except me .. im here .. all by myself … …everyday … every night …

I dont know if this what ive wrote here makes any sense i just pulled it out .. thats it Image

The diffrence between a Fan and a Stalker

Hey Peeps,

Hope you are all good right now.

I think we all know what a Fangirl is when not heres a little information about it 😉

A fan, sometimes also called a supporter, is a person who is enthusiastically devoted to something, such as a band, a sports team or entertainer. Collectively, fans of a particular thing or person constitute its fanbase or fandom. They may show their enthusiasm by being members of a fan club, holding fan conventions, creating fanzines, writing fan mail, or by promoting the object of their interest and attention

I think all was or still be a Fangirl, i dont even care from what or for what you are an Fangirl when you support someone/Something with all you heart then you do it right.

I think all this “being a Fangirl” starts really early i think we all have in our ealry teenager lives a Band Mostly a “Boyband” not always who we love and nonstop listen to. We want to know everything from then from the music stuff and some random stuff, we want to meet them and to share some time with them, to talk about so many things and how much we love them and sometimes how much they helped someone in a really bad time.

Through all this Fandom ( a place where people talk about the same Band/People/Youtube ) we start meeting people from all over the world we talk with them a lot find new best friends who understands the obsession to someone or something. For outstanding people its sometimes not really easy to understand all this “Fan Stuff”, we search for people who understands all this. In the Year of 2013 its quiet easy to find a lot other “Fangirls” around the world in Social Networks like Twitter/Facebook/Tumblr/ask.m/ and many more, we all have a chance to google about our Bands to watch videos from other concerts new Videos what they upload, it felt like that you really know this person.

In bad times you can grab a Dvd, listen to their music, whatching their youtube videos and a lot more that helps you to make you happy again, just something little can reach so much.

Sadly sometimes this little obsession that you´ve got can get into something really seriously called “Stalker”. Everyone in this world has his own Privat life that he wants to keep privat but theres always people who dont understand this and try everything to get closer to these people, they thing they are really close to them just about the facgt that they watch all the videos, saw them many times at concerts, the “celebrities” are always thankfull what their fans do for them because they wouldnt be there when the fandom wouldnt excist but, some people are too deep and dont see the line or the point where they need to stop.

Yes we all love the same person but theres a big diffrents between Fanlove and Love from a Fan, we all should think about the fact they all have their own life that they wanna life and it always gave reasons why starts dont share everything with the Fans, and these need to accept this.

And a Stalker is a serious thing thats getting dangerous sometimes, when you dont know what i mean with it …

Stalking is unwanted or obsessive attention by an individual or group toward another person. Stalking behaviors are related to harassment and intimidation and may include following the victim in person or monitoring them. The word stalking is used, with some differing meanings, in psychology and psychiatry and also in some legal jurisdictions as a term for a criminal offense.

According to a 2002 report by the National Center for Victims of Crime, “Virtually any unwanted contact between two people [that intends] to directly or indirectly communicates a threat or places the victim in fear can be considered stalking”[1] although in practice the legal standard is usually somewhat stricte

We all dont want to ruin something a love to someone or anythign else by keep stalking these people, we should support them with watching videos or listen to their music, then they comming back sooner as we think.

People need to realise theres a line between A Fan and A Stalker, Stars do a lot for their fans not all but theres a lot, and to become to an stalker scares the Starts i mean who wouldnt be not scared about a person that knows everything about you and follows you whereever you go and all this.

Theres always a small line and we all need realise, that we are all just Fans and should respect the privatcy about all these starts they just dowhat they love in pubplic and they all have their own rights to have a own life that they want to keep privat so please when you ound pictures or whatever from a start please dont share and report it, they just want to live a normal life beside their famous life, they also just want to be happy.