Hope you are all good and everything runnings good in your life ?
In the last days and weeks i thought about allot of things good and bad ones and i start re reading my old blogs here that i post and i dont know i said pretty often its getting better and all this in the last weeks it doesnt really run good to be honest, sometimes i dont know what think about this whole situation, my mum said when one door close for you then somewherea new one open for me.
But Honestly the past month/year i just had always closed doors and i dont know how many doors i try to open to be finally there where i want and can stay ?
I didnt talk to anyone about all this cause i dont know the whole situation between my friends feels like as somthing change i dont know why always when i feel i shoud say something to be not alone here i feel like i would annoy them cause im not really a happy person and have so many good stuff to talk about i had in the past just shit to talk about and thats why i decided for a few weeks ago to stop talking about my problems and whats really going on, but i feel like its getting to much at the moment, i sit alone look a few times aday at my screen and no messages nothing and this kinda feel weird normally i have messages but it changes in so many ways.
I wish i would really know what happend, wheres the part who all this “relation” between us break and maybe i would know how to fix this or to try to make it better as it already is ?
It felt all so unreal the past weeks i cant even describe it really its like everything else gonna be more important as i am, as all what been said was wrong and not even really true, i just lay at night in my bed i think about a few things and start crying cause i dont understand what happend and what i can do to make all this better as now ?
Theres so many things that i wanna say, but i feel she wouldnt understand what i wanna say and thats the problem i cant tell her really what i feel and how i gonna feel.
This makes it all not easy and it start that something getting between us we talked last year almost every day sometime a couple times a day but now 3 times a week ?
What happend ? you said i were important for you but this silence is killing me inside and i dont know what to say or think about it ? did i said something wrong ? did i act wrong or what happend i just wanna know what happend and how i could fix it to get back to the old days is this to much ? I dont wanna loose the reason(s) why im still here and try to stay here ?
I Just want to see you and hug you is this to much that i want ? Just to have you back at my site and feeling complete and not lost anymore ?