A little Note to Myself

We´ve been writing the end of 2016

Another year is alomost over and we wonder where is the year 2016, it feels like we are still stuck in the middle of the years, this one went from month to month so qiuck im still not in the christmas mood.

People are running into the shops to buy christmas presents they spend so much money on things that we all not really need.

How can  describe the last 11 Months ..

So many things happend .. i changed and my view on things

I know its been a while since my last post .. but i had to deal with life and had to figure out what i want and how i wanna archieve it. Well i moved out this year and i live on my own now, its probertly the best decision and move ive done in my entire life .. its like i grow up completly in the past month … i mean its hard to describe but now ia have to call people to get things done … its diffrent now but im happpy about it.

I met so many people this year that i call my friends now, really close friends … i think more about the happy things in life and not just the bad things, yeah from time to time there will be always my “cloudy day” but i know how to handle it and i can deal with it now without any kind of suicidal thought, im glad im “over” about this i dont know how to describe it tbh it took a while and a lot of time and energy but now im happy … im glad i made loads of steps to get to the point where i am now … its the end of 2016 and probertly the first time i can say im excited about 2017 .. more adventures, more lovley time with my friends and many more happy days …

im really looking forward to it ❤

x Sarah

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Getting Judged

Hey Hey,

Ive seen or read it quiet a lot and to be honest you cant do anything right in the eyes of others. Everything you do is wrong and you get judged, it doesnt care what you wear, what you think of, how you wanna live your life or how you decided to change your eating behaviour. It just doesnt care people wll judge because you are diffrent and in their eyes diffrent is wrong.

I cant really count how many times i got judged just because i have a different opinion on things, or just because i dye my hair. Its always the same people judge.

I dont know why they always do, if they are bored or whatever, i wish people would stop judge others, why do they dont accept everyone, its a free world where everyone should live their live how they want. We have 2015 and in some countries people are still afraid to live their love life open to others, why dont we all accept love is love no matter what gender. Why does it still have to be a “wrong” attitude. ITS NOT.

Why does Teenagers still get judged just because they dont wear the new Nike Airforce ? Or when they look different live a diffrent style, or whatever, people look like that because they want to, they express themself like that, dont point with a finger on them, let them alone and care about your own buisness. Or at least talk to them and ask them why they live a dffrent live to yours, you will see sometimes it can be pretty interesting.

People have to stop to judge others eatng behaviour, when people want to live Vegeterian/vegan let them. Its a decision they made and they are happy with it and no they eat enough and no they dont have tp make some pills because of it o they might miss some vitamins, dont worry we are fine! Dont judge just because you dont know anything about it, better ask before you judge and you will see we get enough to eat and in the year of 2015 theres a lot of food made for Vegeterians/Vegans so dont worry.

Dont be stupid and judge people who you dont know, ask them why they live like that might you find some new friends in thoose poeple who knows, i found a lot of people who are diffrent but im glad a start to talking to them because in the end we have a few things n common and we are now really good friends so stop to judge and start to talk with thoose people, theres already enough hate in this world so make a change. Every Voice is a change for something better in the future.

x  Sarah

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When Bands call it quit/Break up. 

Hey,

Most of you Know what i mean, you have a Favorit Band or One you really like. You Love to listen to their Music and you Support them as much as you can and Then One Day were you thought this Could Never Happen … They Call it quit … Out of nowhere.

It’s like your Heart would Shatter in Million Pieces, you Start crying and Cant stop and all what you can think of is Why? Why Does this Happen Right now?

Theres many ways to Fall in Love with a Band

– to Fall in Love with a Member

– or to Fall in Love with the lyrics

Mostly People can Identify their life with the lyrics of a certain Band, it’s like they would Know whats Going on, or understands you.

Music makes Everything less painfull.

Thats Why alot of People get attached to Bands Cause they Know How their feel, or throught what they been. Bands/Music has a Huge inpact of Most of the Poeple Life’s.

You keep Supporting that Band Cause they help you to keep Going and the thought that this Band Could stop to excist ist Something that no One really think about, and exactly thats Why Are Bands Break ups Always so hard for us to Understand or Handle.

You grab their Music when you feel sad or Alone and they Are Always there Even when Not in Person and Then when they Call it quit you don’t know How to Handle this.

Whos gonna Be there now when you Need someone ? When you listen now to their Music it’s Not the Same you Always Look Back at the “good” times and feel sad because it’s over.

Bands keep Most of the Teens Alive so hard it may Sounds.

Some Poeple Cant Handle These Feelings and lost the Control about themself, some just cry a Few times and get over it, Some don’t Even Care.

But for me a Band Break up when it’s One of my Fave it’s Never easy.i Always feel sad and hurt when i Look Back, i Know How much Fun i had with them and i Know it’s Never the Same … Sometimes you Cant Even Say goodbye to that Band Cause you Cant Afford to Travel so far, or they might can Afford to get on tour for the Last Time.

But Even How hard this Time is we shouldnt forget to good times and the New Friends we all Found through that Band. WE keep them in Out Heart forever

X sarah

3 years ago I decided to live

Hey,

I´ve been thinking about this quite often in the past few weeks, what i all missed, who i wouldnt meet just because i choose to give myself another chance and choose Life.

To look back now, its been now almost 3 years since i thought and almost attempt to commit suicide. I´ve changed so much in the past 3 years i never thought i could actually live a life where im about to accept myself how i am.

Yes i can still remember everything of this night and how thankfull i am for my friends who helped me out if this situation, its hard to look back to think about all this, but now im glad i choosed to give the life a second chance, i would missed so many good memories, havent meet so many amazing people that i truly love now.

Ive been through hell and i dont know how, but i got out of it, theres actually days where i enjoy to spend time outside, to smile ( and really mean it ), just to enjoy life. Ive been clean from self harm since 447 Days and im really proud of myself, my scars are fading, of course im strugle a lot the past years but i never had the urge to cut again, never, i foudn other ways like listen to music, talk to my friends or whatever. I gave a promise to someone who helped me a lot he is one of the reasons why im clean now and i promised to stop and ive meet him last year again and he is so proud of me that ive made it so far, hes been through all of this too and know how hard it is. To know someone is proud of me is one of the best feelings cause i know im doing something right.

Im surrounded by so many wonderfull people who help me so much ” we are all in this together”, it woul break my heart to dissapoint them and thats why im trying my best to Keep my head up. Theres way to many things i wanna do before i die ( yes ive made a before i die list ).

I just treat myself from time to time for staying strong, i mean next month i visit manchester again and to spend a week there, yeah i know i hear my Anxiety calling because i visit it all by myself, but i have to … i have to try to “get over” the anxiety i just hope i dont get to bad …

Just to  think about it to get away soon makes me happy. Im glad ive made this decision 3 years ago, life is Precious so dont throw it away, look at me now.

x Sarahtumblr_mxtayxtgs01rimr6yo2_500

clean since 365 days 

Hey Peeps 

I never thought i would ever Write these Lines but in clean from Self Harming. I hit the Mark 365 days. Its So strange that a year is Over now … 

Im really happy about IT that i’ve made IT so far. I’ve been Through so much Shit the past 2 years and im on a good Way  … If people had told me for 365 days that i Will made IT to be clean for a year i never believed them tbh. 

There were days thats been Rough and of Course theres still some “Cloudy Day” thats how i call them but i know theres more other ways instead of start Cutting again.

I Wouldnt made IT, without my Wonderfull friends my Babes, the last year was Rough but we made IT and we are stronger now.  

I love you ❤

Dont forget you are beautifull and you are Strong ❤ 

X Sarah 

Stay

Hey

I know its been a while since the last time, but loads of things happend and i had to Focus a bit more at Work and had to figure a few things out.

I dont really know how this Blog will end cause i really dont thought about it what i want to write so i just write it down what ive been thinking.

The word “Stay” is a word for me that i dont like .. not just because it get along with the point of loosing people to ask them to stay … no the thought that i was ready to leave 2 years ago but i stayed here i choosed to stay ang give this all a second chance and to be honest im kinda glad i did … to choose to leave wasnt a easy decision i almost took but there were reasons why and sometime things getting worse day by day and you cant do anything about it, you trying your best but no one is really seeing it, no one appreciate the things you do.

But what ive learned is that you get stronger out of it when you finally made it out of the rain and you finally see the sun.. its a hard way to get to it and ive changed in the past years, but i thinks thats growing up … we see things diffrent and might kno how to handle some situations i dont know .. but to look back to the day .. it scares me a bit .. im still not super happy .. but im enjoying the little things in life, theres days where i can say im really happy and i really mean it.

The day where i went to my mum and told her that i need help was one of the hardest things ive ever done .. she still doesnt know all what happend and nothing about the thing i tried to commit suicide its better im sure … but she knows im depressed and things… the weird thing she always said i need help Years ago….. but i always said no i dont need hel its all good  …. well since then ive got used to get hurt and i tried to ignore all of this .. i stopped to trust people. I Proud of myself that i told her thoose things even if i havent found a place but i took the first step.

Its been crazy 2 years and to be honest i wouldnt be here if there wasnt thoose girls .. i just meet them a few years ago … but they mean everything to me, we´ve been through so much together and we are still together we are stronger then ever and i know with them on my site we will made life, its hard sometimes but we have us.

” Close together or far apart, forever in each others heart”

Sometimes people have to leave you its better sometimes even how hard it will be to let go … it doesnt mean you will never see that person again, sometimes we all need a break to calm down a bit and to look forward again maybe it need a few years who knows but you have to figure out who you are and what you want and when its not possible with people then let them leave you are just going down when they stay …

Look forward to new things, your first priority should be you, you have to be happy not others and when you cant with them let them go.

x

Dear 2014

Another year is over …

Ive lost this year a few friends but also found some new ones. I had some ups and some downs, ive gone trough hell but i found a way out.

I had some battles to fight … lost some but also won a few … it was a really powerfull year the 2014 one … i had to make some disicions in my life where i never thought to make them.

Ive got treated like shit, heard a lot of shit thats been said behin my back, got into trouble but after all im glad at some point ive been through all this …  i wouldnt be the person i am right now.

I actually didnt know if i should write a “Dear 2014” blog … but i dont know im riting it now right ?.

What happend in 2014, well ive been like all the last years to a lot of concerts like “Fall out Boy, Bastille, All time Low, Blitz Kids You me at Six .. and many more …

Ive been clean since 6.3.2013, i was close to cut again but i didnt and im really proud of that its been now 302 days since the last time .. ive never been clean for such a long time and for the first time i really believe that ive made it to a full year, i know i have people in my life who help me and be there for me.

Ive lost a few friends this year, i never thought i would loose them, maybe i see them someday again and maybe we will find a way back but at the moment i think its the best way we all have to take some time out and need to take care of ourself.

Ive got a new Job this year, first its started as a half time job but since december its a fulltime and in the beginning of 2015 i will get the “Boss Place” :D. Yep for the first time since like 3 years my life finally moved into the right way and i get things done …. i couldnt be any happier right now, everything is running good and it feels good.

I still miss my sisters like hell, this year proved that distance friendship can work if you really want it and you fight for it, i might see them just once a year or twice but when we see each other we spend as much time together and do a lot of things, we enjoy every minute together cause we didnt know when its the next time we see each other. Im happy and thankfull i found these little babes, i wouldnt know where iwould be without them. i just love them x

Yeah  thats it i think not much but yeah the important stuff that happend.

Theres already lots  of stuff planned in 2015, my babes are visit me for my birthday and we go together to a concert for the last time cause on of my friends leave germany for a year for a work and travel in Australia.

i will visit Manchester in March, something i really looking forward to, i really missed england so much its been 5 years i think since the last time ive been there and i spend the time there with my wonderfull friend <3.

Yeah and im sure theres more good things on the way in 2015 so lets make it a good one xx

x Sarah

Depression / Anxiety / Suicide is not a fucking label to be cool with.

Hey People,

Im not sure if im really upset or angry to say something about this, but i cant say nothing so …

I was scrolling through tumblr and Instagram the last few day and i saw profiles and posts, i really thought they must be “joking” once said

Suicide attemps 7

i mean if this is a true thing im really sorry fo her that her life must be so hard and she battle so many fights but, why the heck is she posting this in her Profile! Its nothing seriously NOTHING to be proud of, i see it more often in the past month people try to get attention for it ? i dont know …

To make this clear to try to commit suicide or even the thought about it, its nothing to be proud of and defently nothing to try to get atteontion for it, its a really serious situation for people because they can die, its something that need to to get handle serious eben with a therapist or anything else and i feel ashamed and sad for thoose who are really dealing with these thought cause i know how they feel/felt and now because people might think to make “fun” about this, no one really seems to take this serious anymore, people need to stop to take a Suicide as a Label to be “cool” or getting atteintion, this is the wrong way!

Its the same thing with depression, some people dont seem to know what depression really is … its a mental illness and it always will be just for those who dont know

Depression is a state of low mood and aversion to activity that can affect a person’s thoughts, behavior, feelings and sense of well-being.[1] Depressed people can feel sad, anxious, empty, hopeless, helpless, worthless, guilty, irritable or restless. They may lose interest in activities that were once pleasurable, experience loss of appetite or overeating, have problems concentrating, remembering details or making decisions, and may contemplate, attempt or commit suicide. Insomnia, excessive sleeping, fatigue, aches, pains, digestive problems or reduced energy may also be present.[2]

Depression is a feature of some psychiatric syndromes such as major depressive disorder but it may also be a normal reaction to certain life events, a symptom of some bodily ailments or a side effect of some drugs and medical treatments.

Its a serious illness and need to care like a … and just because some of you just been having a bad day or might a bad weeks doesnt mean you are depressed. Its hard to try to live a life with depression, some days just just stare at a wall or you just lay in bed and dont even have the motivation to even leave the bed or just to do anything, to are about to loose your friends in life beacuse they dont understand why you cancel all the plans or why you dont even write back so please dont Label yourself with a Mental illness when you dont have them.

I dont wanna point a finger to anyone but it makes me from time to time really angry because i know how it is and i have friends with a mental illness and it needs to be treat like a mentall illness. Even the tv shows not all but there are a few who makes fun about depressed people. Its nothing funny about this.

Well at least the Anxiety …. its not just like you are scared of doing something what you might dont like its more … i cant even talk to stranger without getting them or i cant call my Boss to ask something. Theres diffrent parts of Anxiety

Anxiety is an unpleasant state of inner turmoil, often accompanied by nervous behavior, such as pacing back and forth, somatic complaints and rumination.[2] It is the subjectively unpleasant feelings of dread over anticipated events, such as the feeling of imminent death.[3] Anxiety is not the same as fear, which is a response to a real or perceived immediate threat;[4] whereas anxiety is the expectation of future threat.[4] Anxiety is a feeling of fear, worry, and uneasiness, usually generalized and unfocused as an overreaction to a situation that is only subjectively seen as menacing.[5] It is often accompanied by muscular tension,[4] restlessness, fatigue, and problems in concentration. Anxiety can be appropriate, but when it is too much and continues too long, the individual may suffer from an anxiety disorder.[4]

People facing anxiety may withdraw from situations which have provoked anxiety in the past.[6] There are different types of anxiety. Existential anxiety can occur when a person faces angst, an existential crisis, or nihilistic feelings. People can also face test anxiety, mathematical anxiety, stage fright or somatic anxiety. Another type of anxiety, stranger anxiety and social anxiety are caused when people are apprehensive around strangers or other people in general. Anxiety can be either a short term ‘state’ or a long term “trait”. Anxiety disorders are a group of mental disorders characterized by feelings of anxiety and fear,[7] where anxiety is a worry about future events. Anxiety disorders are partly genetic but may also be due to drug use including alcohol and caffeine, as well as withdrawal from certain drugs. They often occur with other mental disorders, particularly major depressive disorder, bipolar disorder, certain personality disorders, and eating disorders. Common treatment options include lifestyle changes, therapy, and medications.

As you see all these illness are some who need to be treated like a serious illness and nothing to make fun about or label themself. Please if you know someone dont look away or make jokes about it, they might dont ask for help but they really need some, just be there for them and care, you dont know how much this really mean to them and might how much it helps.

x Sarah

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222 Days Clean

Hey People,

I cant really tell you why im here right now and writing this down … i just thought i just should check my WordPress blog and i saw theres still people who reading some of my old Blogpost and i thought you might should “update” it with a new post … i tried it once a few month ago but it wasnt the right time …

Well as some of my readers know i had a really bad time in the past with suicide thougths and other stuff  … its been a while since i updated cause i really needed to figure out in which way my life shpuld turn cause i know it cant end here …. people helped my through this time and im thankfull for this even when im not close to some of them anymore … Nevermind

Well its been a while now and it changed alot of things.

I start working in a complete new place with people who i love to work with i dont get panic attacks anymore when im on my way at work, i meet so many kind people there and im finally happy to find a new Job like that … yeah sometimes i hate it to work but who doesnt ;).

What else changed … well i start and still try to see things not to bad as i did in the past, sure theres always days where i fall back into my old mood but i have people around me or on the internet who cheer me up and to stop me to do bad things and im so happy that i have them in my life now… i never thought that my life really changed that much in the last 2 years. Mostly it changed cause i meet people like them. To look back now, to see old post .. i dont know i get a really weird feeling about it.

If someone told me that i change that much in 2 years i wouldnt believed him to be honest, i really start to kind of enjoy life, i love to laugh abput things, i opened myself infront of people about everything and it feelt good, i just need to get up always when i fall, i just need to remind myself theres people who care and always will.

Theres so much negativity in the world its so sad to see people killing themself, getting depressed or giving up … i know trust me i know how fucking hard life can be and how unfair, but see ive made it through this, its a hard battle against mostly with yourself, but you will be proud about the point tha you´ve made it and you getting stronger day by day and theres people who love you …

and its never lame or weak to search for help never forget sometimes we cant win the battle alone so we nee to get help and thoose people will help you to love yourself because your life is precious, all of your life is it.

Im clean now for 222 Days its may not much i know but for me its enough, im proud that ive made it so far and i will made it to a whole year …

Dont give up if you having a fight just message me im here ❤

dont forget your life is precious

x Sarah

Being Back i think …

Well hello world

 

The past few days i thought about the fact to come back and that a little bit, a lot of things changed since i left wordpress a while. Mostly in the positive way to be honest.

I changed a lot, i skyped with an friend of mine and we both talked about our wordpress blog ans thought about to come back … we re read some of our old post and saw how depressed and eo we were this time .

Time changes people not always in a good way but i changed mostly in the good way.

This here is just a little note that im back and blog in the next few days a bit so stay tuned and im glad you are still here and following me.

 

Means a lot

 

xo Sarah